Serena, Did a Leaf Just Fall into Your Cleavage?

Yes. A leaf did fall into Serena’s cleavage. Just one of many cons that come with mobile blogging.

Last week we asked if other teams should adopt the Dodgers’ policy of offering fans a hotline number for them to tattle on the a-hole fans sitting in their section. Of 5 votes, 3 of you actually felt that a-hole fans are just part of the charm of being at a sporting event. Charm? Really? You do realize that we were being sarcastic when we wrote that, don’t you? Apparently you like smelly people, unclassy individuals smacking Erin in the back of the head with a bag of water/soda bottles, and children running amuck or kicking you in the vag*na (granted, this happened at Sea World, not a Dodger Stadium, but we feel strongly that this “Report an A-hole” hotline policy should be implemented nationwide). A mere 2 souls agree with us that this genius plan of the Dodgers is flippin’ genius. We shall all join forces and report half the people in our sections. Together, we will unite under one banner and single-handedly wipe out the a-holes and vag*na kickers from the face of the planet.

Pardon this post of randomness. We just couldn’t help ourselves this week. We’re mentally fried. We know what you’re thinking right now: “Yeah, like you two are some sort of Albert Einstein’s or something.” Easy, tiger(s). We promise you that Fred K’s Cancer has eaten a ton of brain cells these past few days and that we’re going to strive to be “even better (like a professional)” after the event is over.

One of Lisa’s co-workers recently made a road trip to Baltimore and bought Lisa a midget version of The Bird. Lisa has grandiose ideas about replacing our current The Bird with this midget version for the rest of our stadium trips. Do you feel like this is being a traitor to our mascots? Be honest. We trust you…sometimes.

In his second MLB outing, Stephen Strasburg continued to shine, limited the Indians’ to just 2 hits, the first one being a leadoff home run to Travis Hafner (who apparently got a major piece of Strasburg’s 100 mph fast ball). He struck out 8 and walked 5 before exiting the game in the 6th. The Nationals won 9-4, ending the Indians’ 4-game winning streak.

Keeping with the tradition of pitching perfection this year, Ted Lily carried a no-hitter all the way into the 9th on Sunday night when PH Juan Pierre ruined it by leading off the inning with a single. The Cubs hung on regardless and defeated the White Sox 1-0. Prior to first pitch, the Chicago Blackhawks gathered on the mound, holding the Stanley Cup and were cheered by Cubs and White Sox fans alike. Yeah, well, we still say that “We’re All Islanders…”

During the Jays/Padres game on Monday night, play momentarily stopped in the 8th inning when Petco Park swayed during a 5.7 rated earthquake that was centered just outside Ocotillo in Imperial City, which is approximately 85 miles east of San Diego. The right field foul pole and TV’s in the press box swayed a bit and manager Cito Gaston said he felt the dugout move, but some players claim to have not felt anything! We’re pretty sure that if this happened while we were there, we would’ve fled the stadium screaming as if the Apocalypse just hit…of course, after taking proper photo documentation and video of the event so that we could upload it to the blog…and ransacking the BBQ stand for all of the pulled pork sandwiches (What? If it’s the end of the world as we know it, we’re going to need food in order to survive!).

Bobby Valentine confirmed on Monday’s “Michael Kay Show” that he’s met with the Orioles regarding the open manager position. We are terrified on behalf of the Baltimore community and Erin, but we’re super happy to have missed THAT radio show. Wow. Talk about getting two lame personalities together in the same room.

Speaking of the Orioles, Tim Lincecum struck out 10 O’s batters during Wednesday night’s game before taking a line drive hit by Miguel Tejada off of his right shoulder in the 6th. He was removed from the game, but manager Bruce Boaty assures us that, “Timmy is fine.”

At the ripe young age of 47, Jamie Moyer became the oldest pitcher to beat the Yankees on Wednesday night. We suspect that he’s going to be breaking these kinds of records a lot over the remainder of his career.

Bud Selig announced that the All Star Game will be played at Kauffman Stadium (Royals’ home turf, for those of you who are not stadium connoisseurs like us) in 2012. Please do not misunderstand this next rant. We have nothing against the All Star Game being in Kansas City. Everyone should get an opportunity to host the All Star Game (with the exception of the Oakland Athletics because Dallas Braden doesn’t know how to play nice in the sandbox). However, what exactly are the criteria for determining who hosts the All Star Game? Before the 2009 season came to a close, Selig already announced that Citi Field would host the 2011 game. We haven’t even reached the 2010 break and he’s telling us that the 2012 game will be in Kansas City. Why is he jumping the gun like this? He’s a surprise ruiner! He doesn’t even allow us the chance to be excited about the upcoming All Star Game before announcing the locations for the rest of the decade’s games.

Finally, Sunday’s the big day…no, not the Subway Series at Yankees Stadium. We’ve got more important matters to take care of. The day we’ve been babbling about has finally arrived. FRED K’S CANCER! Hooray! At blogging time, we’ve raised $1,500! We’re only short of our fundraising goal by $500! Not bad, considering it’s our first event! For those of you who haven’t donated yet *coughahemcoughbrad-zieglercoughahemcough*, we’ll continue accepting donations until July 1st. Since she’s been over-the-top helpful regarding this event, we’re dubbing Vita Zorbo, owner of the West Hempstead Lady of America Fitness Center, TBB Super Hero of the Week!

Before signing off, we’d like to wish Papadukes and Papa L. a Happy Father’s Day!