Friday, July 16, 2010

Watching Paint Dry is More Entertaining

So…we had 1 vote this week. Nice job, guys. It’s not like we asked you to do long division. It was legitimately the easiest poll imaginable. All you had to do was pick which team you thought would win the All Star Game. That 1 vote went to the National League and we’re not even going to congratulate you for being right because we know you voted after the game was played. You freakin’ cheater.

Apparently the TBB know nothing about home run hitters because both of us were wrong. In fact, neither of our choices even advanced to the final round. Serena’s Holliday tanked in the first round and Lisa’s Cabrera sucked a fat one in the second. Fatty Ortiz beat out Hanley Ramirez (who thought HE’D make it to the final round? Don’t lie and say you did. You’re the one who probably voted for the National League after the game was over) with 11 home runs to Ramirez’s 5. We don’t know about you, but we thought this year’s Derby was a little dull in comparison to the last two. Oh, well. We suppose that they all can’t live up to Josh Hamilton’s stellar performance at Yankees Stadium 2 years ago.

As you’ve probably heard by now (unless you live in a bomb shelter underground), the Yankees suffered two major losses heading into the All Star Break, neither affecting their season win-loss record. Early on Sunday morning, the Yankees announced that long time PA announcer, Bob Sheppard died at the age 99. He was known around the league as the “Voice of God” and held his position at Yankees Stadium for nearly 5 decades.

Keeping with the apparent somber theme of this blog, on the morning before the All Star Game, Yankees owner, George Steinbrenner died at the age 80. According to reports, he had a heart attack and was taken to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Tampa, Florida where he died at around 6:30 am. He’d owned the Yankees for 37 years. Under his reign, the team won 7 World Series championships, 11 AL pennants, and 16 AL East titles.

A video tribute to Steinbrenner was shown at the All Star Game and a moment of silence was shared prior to the National Anthem. The Yankees wore black armbands in memory of he and Sheppard and the US, Canadian, and California flags were lowered to half staff.

Now onto an extremely dull display of baseball. The National League won 3-1, the team’s first win since 1996. We think that might be a longer drought than the Islanders’ having won a playoff game and that’s saying a lot. The NL took the lead in the 7th when Brian McCann hit a bases clearing, 3-run double off of Matt Thornton. Let us repeat. Not a triple. A double. He’s literally the slowest man in professional sports. Serena could probably run faster than him and she considers a level “4” on the treadmill hardcore running. Lisa sprints at “5.5.” This hit earned him All Star MVP honors. Even better than that, it earned him an award that’s considered higher than Oscar or an ESPY. A Pulitzer or Nobel, you ask? No. Much more prestigious than that. He’s the TBB Super Hero of the Week. When we delivered the news, he cried, thanked God, and offered to take us to a celebratory dinner at Hooters with Frenchy Boy. McCann is a nice guy…unlike SOME baseball players we know that play third for the Mets. Not mentioning names.

Matt Capps (Nationals) got the win while Phil Hughes (Yankees) suffered the loss since the runners on base before McCann hit the double were his responsibility.

Baseball Notes:
The Yankees will wear patches on their uniforms in honor of Steinbrenner and Sheppard. The Steinbrenner patch will be worn over the interlocking NY on the home jerseys and over the York on the away jerseys.
The Sheppard patch will be worn on the left sleeve. Both are on the left side, near the heart.
Serena’s future husband has been placed on the 15-day DL due to a concussion that he received last week when someone from the Blue Jays (not mentioning any names, but it sounds like Mohn JcDonald) accidentally kneed him in the head. Serena’s been working diligently on getting Morneau back to form and ready for their honeymoon. We’re not going to address that vicious rumor that he impregnated his current wife. That’s really going to put a damper on his relationship with Serena. *sigh*

Carlos Beltran made his season debut last night against Tim Lincecum and the Giants, going 1-4 and was caught stealing and picking his nose in the dugout on several occasions. We’re glad to see that nothing’s changed.

BallHype: hype it up!

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