Sunday, May 15, 2011

Brian Smells Like a Monkey

Entering Week 4 of Operation Moustache Removal. The one who calls himself “Zito” has still not acknowledged our email. We understand that he may have a lot on his plate what with foot rehab and all, but c’mon, bro. If you’re not going to reply to us, find the time to at least shave your moustache.

Last week, we asked your thoughts about our torture strategy of sweater vest-wearing Brian. We wanted to know if we should continue prank calling Brian until the Fred K’s Cancer t-shirts were paid for. Of 13 individuals, 6 people felt that we should do it because, “Screw Brian. This is to support balls and mouth cancer!” Interesting choice of words, wouldn’t you say? Only 2 of you felt sorry for Brian because “What the hell did this Brian ever do to you?” These 2 votes probably belong to Brian and his girlfriend, so we feel that this data is biased and therefore, skewed. We’ll tell you what “this Brian” did to us. He stole 54 pictures of us for a PowerPoint presentation and did absolutely nothing with them as far as we can tell. He didn’t even share them with his business partner. Honestly, he probably just deleted the 4 emails we sent filled with our kick ass pictures because he’s lazy. 5 people simply wanted to know who Brian was. Who cares who Brian is? He wears sweater vests every day and steals photos of people. He can’t be trusted. That’s all you need to know. Just so you’re aware, we’ve got at least one definite sponsor (Ambelos Construction) and one other potential sponsor in our pockets. However, the shirts still aren’t fully paid for, sooooo…it looks like Brian’s getting a few more phone calls. If you know of a company who might like to sponsor us (and at the same time, save Brian), please email us so we can discuss the possibility. Oh and we’re now able to accept online donations so if you’d like to do your part to fight balls and mouth cancer, click here!

You may or may not have heard by now that the Traveling Baseball Babes have swallowed their pride and created a Twatting account. You kids call it “Twitter.” Feel free to follow us.

Next Sunday, we depart for Minneapolis. On that subject, we’ve noticed that no one has entered our “TBB Super Hero of the Week” Sweepstakes. Seriously, if no one enters this contest, we’ll be forced to grant super hero honors to Nicole’s dog, Mipisoula. Don’t make us do it. Email us your photo and the reason why you should be super hero and the best story wins. Don’t be a Mexi-can’t. Be a Mexi-can.

Baseball notes:
Justin Verlander may have failed to pitch back-to-back no-hitters, but think about how amazing Verlander’s accomplishment really is. He pitched 13 straight no-hit innings, Melky Cabrera breaking up the no-hitter with a 2-out RBI triple in the 6th. Verlander appears to be a rare species in this day and age of primadonna baseball players. We have no doubt that, like his counterparts, he’s playing ball in order to earn his enormous salary. However, unlike the majority of his counterparts, he tends to pitch late in the game, produces consistently, and rarely misses a start. We’re not saying that Verlander’s the only pure-blooded pitcher (or non-bitchy pitcher) left in the MLB, but he’s certainly one of the last remaining.

Carlos Beltran, among other things, is a disgusting man. He apparently woke up on Saturday with a “swollen right eye.” First, we asked ourselves what the F*CK does that mean? Does he have a tumor? Allergies? What? How does one’s eye swell? Oh, no. It turned out to be much worse. After Googling, we discovered that Beltran has a mild case of pink eye! And he’s at the ball park right now touching sh*t that his teammates touch. Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? The Mets entire lineup is going to be infected with pink eye because Beltran is a f*cking a-hole! Gross! Gross! Gross!

ESPN and the like networks have been focusing on the Jorge Posada Saga this morning. If you haven’t heard already, before last night’s game against the Red Sox, Posada asked to be taken out of the lineup. He says that he, “needed time to clear his head” and that during batting and infield practice his back “stiffened up a little bit.” That seems to be a reasonable request, but there are other things not adding up. Prior to benching himself, Posada was moved to the 9th spot in the lineup. Both Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman claim to have known nothing about Posada’s stiffened back. Posada also insists that he didn’t bench himself because of his place in the lineup. Sounds like SOMEONE’S being a shady shaderson and hiding SOMETHING!

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