Last week’s poll told us that our readers are selfish d*cks. Here’s why: apparently no one had in their possession that kick-a$$ “Use The Force for Good” t-shirt, but here’s the worst part. 2 of you decided that even if you DID have it, you wouldn’t give Serena the shirt. Who does that? Who even admits that? What if she smiled at you? Is that enough of an exchange? 2 of you are just plain boring and don’t have the shirt. You’re just a bunch of useless individuals. That’s the conclusion we’ve come up with. We give you priceless literature and infinite humor and memories and in return, we get nothing from you. You don’t even post comments on our blogs!
Enough with the insults. We have exciting news for you! The TBB are going to their first playoff game together! Hooray for you! We know how much you love our game-time pictures! We’re going to Game 1 of the ALDS at Yankees Stadium on Friday! Unfortunately, we won’t be able to post a blog about it until after Sunday because Serena will be working for the Long Island Walk Now for Autism Speaks all weekend. Don’t worry. You’ll still get a weekly post from us, but it will be done by just Lisa.
Speaking of the Division Series, we’re pretty much wrapped up in terms of teams that have clinched. In both leagues, the only spots pending are the Wild Card teams. Just a quick rundown in terms of who we’re above and beyond sure is going to get their a$$es kicked: the Diamondbacks. Every other team has got a fairly decent chance at advancing to the Championship Series. Allow us to explain. The Phillies and Brewers are both very strong teams. Let’s say the Braves take the Wild Card. Since the Phillies have the best record, they’re supposed to be matched up against the team with the worst record, which would be the Braves. The Phillies can’t play the Braves because they’re in the same division, which leaves the Diamondbacks. There is no way in hell that the Diamondbacks are winning that matchup. If the Cardinals take the Wild Card, the Phillies will play them and leave the Diamondbacks to the Brewers. We repeat, there is no way in hell the Diamondbacks are winning that matchup. Dear Arizona, Good luck experiencing your future sweep. Embrace your Cardinals now. PS – your players are the world’s most boring partiers we’ve ever seen. The TBB party harder than that and we’re not rich pansy athletes who’ve just clinched a title. People masturbate with more enthusiasm than the way the Diamondbacks shook their champagne bottles. It was sad. This is what victory looks like (and we weren’t even playing):
|Photo taken immediately following a New York Giants victory over the New England Patriots during the 2008 Superbowl|
Last but not least, this video is literally one of the funniest things we've ever seen. Jayson Werth, in an attempt to help Teddy win the Presidents' Race (because he never wins), enlisted the Nationals' bullpen to thwart the other Presidents. Werth ended up winning the race. This sh*t was 100 times better than the Diamondbacks celebrating their title.