Sunday, April 15, 2012

Comb-Overs Are Always Terrible

Lisa gave you her account of Mets Opening Day last week and in keeping with that theme, she asked if you thought she should paint her car orange and blue to proudly fly her Mets’ colors. 4 of you thought that she should if she was such a big Mets fan. In close second, 3 of you felt that she should only do it if she allowed me to paint an orange dinosaur on the hood of the car. Truly, I’m touched. I really appreciate that. You must have the upmost confidence in my artistic skills if you’re promoting this. She likes the sissy, non-violent dinosaurs, so I think I’ll paint a brontosaurus. 1 person said no because she’s clearly crazy and doing this will just prove it. That’s just rude, good sir. You’re completely ruining this for me. If she listens to you, I won’t be able to paint a brontosaurus on her car. You’re so selfish.
Briefly touching upon a few baseball notes from around the league, what the hell is up with Barry Zito? He gets married, decides to rock a comb-over like some creepy pedophile, and now suddenly he’s throwing complete game shut outs?? Where the hell have you been, Barry? Did you wake up one morning and say to yourself, “holy sh*t, I’m getting paid a crap ton of money not to do anything! No wonder people hate me. I should probably try pitching again.” Well, if this isn’t a fluke, welcome back. Now fix your goddamn hair. On the other hand, another Bay Area pitcher is not faring as well. The Giants received the news that closer Brian Wilson may need season-ending Tommy John surgery.

The Red Sox put Jacoby Ellsbury on the 15-day DL for a shoulder injury he suffered on Friday. Bad news for Lisa’s Asstastic Bunch (because as you know, I could really give a crap about the well being of the Red Sox).

That’s all for now, folks. I’ll be posting about Yankees Opening Day later. Like after a nap. Cos’ I’m tired. And this took a lot out of me.


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