Sunday, May 13, 2012

Georgia On Our Minds

We have to apologize for the nonsense that was last week’s blog. We’re not sure what got into us or why sausage was on the brain so heavily, but…well…here we are now. To make matters worse, we asked you what type of sausage YOU prefer. 6 of you prefer the Italian sausage (we like the Guineas too). 1 person enjoys the Spanish sausage and 1 other person likes the American sausage (also known as a hot dog). No one chose Polish sausage. Not sure what’s wrong with the Pollacks, but whatever. 8 votes is a lot. We’re somewhat impressed that you guys were interested enough in the sausage phenomenon to vote on it, but we’re really not all that surprised. You tend to vote on the stupidest sh*t. Heaven forbid you vote on a poll that actually has something to do with baseball.

In just a few short weeks, we’ll be departing for our Atlanta stadium tour. This trip will have a bit of a twist to it. Instead of staying in Atlanta, we’ll be crashing with Lisa’s family in Cleveland, Tennessee just a two hour drive from Atlanta. Since two hours is totally manageable, we’re hoping to make another side trip to Atlanta (in addition to the Braves game) to visit the Georgia Aquarium, which has been hailed as the largest aquarium in the country. Following the Braves game on Saturday afternoon, we’re going to check out a sexy place to eat. Any locals who have recommendations for us? We found a few options on the Google Machine, but it’s always nice to have the voice of a local offer suggestions.

While in Tennessee, Lisa’s family will be taking us to Ruby Falls where we’re seriously considering attempting to zip line. This will either be amazing or the hugest fail of our lives. It could go either way. Naturally, we will post pictures for you. We’ll probably be sporting a stink eye in every single photo. We apologize in advance. We did agree that Lisa will no longer take photos of Serena from behind as it is one of the worst angles of her in history. Going forward, Lisa will only take photos of Serena from the front. Even if she has to run ahead of Serena and turn around in order to do this. We briefly contemplated a trip to Graceland (you know how much we love Elvis), but it turns out that despite the fact that we’ll be in the same state as Graceland, it’s actually quite far of a drive. We apologize, but there’ll be no pictures of the Jungle Room for you. There will also be no video feed of our rendition of a “hunk of, hunk of, burning love.” We’re All Shook Up. Thank you. Thank you very much. Insert lip curl.

Exciting stuff is going down today. So exciting that Serena thought for a moment that we should cancel Mother’s Day so that we could stay home and watch the Yankees game. What could possibly be so exciting that we’d ditch the Celebration of Motherhood for? ANDY PETTITTE returns today! Serena’s “Big Texan” (as she says…he doesn’t really belong to her) is back! While she doesn’t expect him to pull a complete game shutout out of his ass, he definitely brings a sense of yogic calm to Serena…which ironically yoga does not do for her.

Lisa is somewhat annoyed with TOWSNBN today. On one hand, he’s been performing exceptionally well at the plate for the Mets. Which is a good thing. On the other hand, he’s playing for Lisa’s fantasy arch nemesis, The Riverdale Rebels (aka: Roberta). So now Lisa’s relationship with TOWSNBN is in a Mexican Standoff. TOWSNBN isn’t talking to Lisa because he thinks she’s a psychopath. Lisa isn’t talking to TOWSNBN because he’s helping Roberta win. Normally, Lisa would just switch to Derek Jeter, her new BFFer, but he ALSO plays on The Riverdale Rebels. Lisa has no backup plan for when both Golden Boys fail her.

Next week, we’ll be posting about our Yankees Stadium adventure that we’ll be embarking on Saturday afternoon. Serena promised Lisa Guido Fest 2012 (Fist Pumpers unite!) and Lisa has not ceased to remind Serena of this promise. As she says, “you made promises, daddy. Promises you better keep.” We suppose this means we’ll need to be at Yankees Stadium by 10 am for a 1:00 game. And there’s a very good chance that Serena will end up attending this game alone if everything goes according to Lisa’s plan.

Finally, Happy Mother’s Day to Mamadukes and Mama L.!! You’ve clearly birthed the best children ever. Just look at us. We’re special. Here’s to you, mom!

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