Sunday, December 16, 2012

Jingle Balls!!

Last week, we provided you an in-depth look into the future friendship between Serena and RA Dickey (which will now be long distance). We asked you if you felt that Serena and RA would make a great dynamic duo like Batman and Robin (Serena being Batman...OBVIOUSLY). 1 d*ckhead said no. Well, you suck balls. And you're probably going to get your way, which is extremely dissatisfying for us. 2 people said, yes because they're both nerds and 4 of you said that they should be friends as long as they let Lisa join in their reindeer games. Like that was ever in doubt.

It's that time of year again. That time where we butcher a well-loved Christmas song and post it here for you to enjoy:

Dashing through the off-season
in a V4 4-door sedan,
oh, to the bars we go,
laughing all the way (HA, HA, HA!).
Shots on losers' dime
make our spirits bright.
How unfun it is to watch our teams
waste money and die!

Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how sad it is to ride in a New York open sleigh, HEY!
Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how sad it is to ride in a New York open sleigh.

Anaheim got Josh,
Los Angeles got Zack,
and soon Flushing will be French
with David seated by his side.
The Bronx is lean and lank
at the hot corner spot,
they dipped too much in the bank
and that's why Ichiro got f*cked!

Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how sad it is to ride in New York open sleigh, HEY!
Jingle Bells, Youkilis smells,
RA got away.
Oh, how said it is to ride in a New York open sleigh.

This week's baseball notes:
Shane Victorino apparently couldn't pick worse baseball teams to play for. First, the Phillies. Then, the Dodgers. Now, the cherry on top of the douchey team sundae. On Thursday, the Red Sox officially welcomed Victorino to Fenway Park. Victorino signed a 3-year contract worth $39 million. The Red Sox also recently resigned David Ortiz for 2 years, added Jonny Gomes, and possibly Mike Napoli.

Further south on I-95, the Yankees finally announced the signing of Kevin Youkilis to a 1-year contract worth $12 million. Are you freaking kidding us? What happens when Alex Rodriguez comes back from the DL? Are you not going to play Alex? You're paying him an awful lot not to play him. Eric Chavez signed with the Diamondbacks for a whopping $3 million. Who is running the Yankees' check book? They should've snatched up Chavez when they had the chance. He would've been a bargain. Plus, he's a kick a$$ third baseman AND not a douchebag! WTF? Additionally, the Yankees are toying with paying anywhere between $12 and $13 million to sign Ichiro Suzuki for another 2 years. Ichiro is WAY better than Youkilis and we're giving him less money?! Does that make sense? New York Yankees, give us a call, we'll handle your budget and balance your check book. We feel strongly that you're one mistake from receiving a $35 overdraft fee postcard from Bank of America.

Josh Hamilton has signed a crazy 5-year contract worth $125 million that includes a no-trade clause. It also fails to include any form of protection for the Angels should Hamilton fall off the wagon again. However, the Angels appear to be taking no chances. They've brought on board Shayne Kelly, Hamilton's mentor, to help keep Hamilton on the straight and narrow path.

We seem to keep getting closer and closer to watching RA Dickey fly north of the border. Apparently, a trade is in the works between the Mets and Blue Jays that involves at least 7 players and will send Dickey and Josh Thole to the Jays and Jays' top catching prospect, Travis d'Arnaud to the Mets. This trade supposedly involves 3 catchers, but we can't figure who the third guy is. All we know is that if this Travis fellow really does end up with the Mets, he will be henceforth known as "d'Frenchman."

With the holidays upon us, we regret to inform you that this will be our last blog of 2012. We'll see you again in 2013. Try not to weep too much. We'll post an oldie, but goodie next week to keep you company in our absence. We're accepting requests. Should we agree with your opinion, we'll post your request. Should we feel that your choice is stupid (and there's a very good chance that we will), we will pick another post that we deem suitable.
Happy Holidays!


  1. d'Arnaud in french means deez nuts. But I think Google translator is playing a joke on me.

    Winter is coming for RA ;)

    this Noah Syndergaard kid sounds exciting. Maybe the trade works out well for both teams like the Gio Gonzalez trade did for the Nats & A's

    1. Thank you for that Game of Thrones reference. You made Serena deliriously excited.

      Hopefully, the trade works out for both teams (especially the Mets), but we couldn't help but feel that maybe they could've thrown some of TOWSNBN's contract $ at RA, we really could've solidified something here. Oh, well.

  2. Mets history on trading starting pitchers isn't so hot. But hope for the best!

    maybe that other NY team could use you guys. I saw where they had to pay like a $18 million tax for their payroll.

    1. Obviously they need us. They paid way too much for Youkilis. Those f*cks. We wouldn't have given him a lifetime supply of Taco Bell. He doesn't deserve it.

  3. I totally agree on Youk being a d/bag. I'm still drying my eyes, because I won't have a new TBB post next week, but I'll get over it, I guess. I'll make a stupid request, also, hoping you agree with it. I hope you both have a Merry Christmas (am I allowed to say that anymore??!!), and that you get everying on your list from Santa, assuming you've both been nice, not naughty...oh sh!t...have a good one anyway...See you next year.

  4. We hijacked Santa's Sled that will teach him to never put us on the naughty list! Have a very Merry Christmas :) TBB 2013 taking over the world!