2013 New Year's Resolutions - TBB Style

Greetings, fellow earthlings. It's been awhile (since we could hold our heads up high. And it's been awhile since we first saw you). Hope you didn't miss us too much. We've got some news for you about our upcoming stadium tour, but before we get into that, let's discuss the poll we'd left you with in our absence. Since we wouldn't be posting anything new until after the new year, we asked you what type of old blog we should share on Facebook to keep you company during our "vacation." No one voted for one of our imaginary dialogues, which is a little bizarre seeing as how this one is beyond epic. What's the next level above epic? Anyone know? 1 lousy person voted for a letter. Are you freakin' kidding us? Our letters are hilarious. We're starting to think that you don't enjoy our stupidity. Add the fact that the majority of votes (a whopping, awe-inspiring 3) chose a stadium tour and we're concerned that you enjoy reading about our travels more than reading about the sh*t that makes us laugh. Pretty strange. Being that this blog is entitled "Traveling Baseball Babes" and all. 2 people voted for one of our shenanigans. To appease this group, here's your token shenanigan blog.

Before we get into tonight's primary topic, we have a few items of business to discuss. Let's start with the 2013 stadium tour. We know that you voted last year to send us to Arizona and Texas, but due to some financial constraints and time off restrictions, we've had to change plans. We hope you can forgive us. Instead of Cactus Country, we'll be heading to St. Louis and Kansas City. It won't be 3 stadiums, but we're still giving you at least 2. Hopefully, this is satisfactory. If not, tough sh*t. Go take a ride on our suck stick.

Last order of business is New York Opening Day. There was some speculation that we might be able to attend both games together because MLB hadn't posted the Yankees/Red Sox start time. Usually when they have a start time listed as "TBD," the game gets bumped as the late game for television purposes. We figured we'd attend the afternoon Mets game and head over to the Bronx for an evening of baseball. Alas, as usual, the Evil Empire (MLB) had alternate plans for us. They recently announced that the Yankees would have an afternoon start time, directly conflicting with our genius plans of pure Opening Day awesomeness. Now...Lisa is stuck going with Fred #2, who doesn't tailgate and doesn't like to stay past the 7th inning (traffic) and there's a good chance that Serena will be flying solo. By the way, in case you're wondering how you can sweet talk your way into attending the game with Serena, the following statement should not be made: "Of course I'm looking forward to this matchup! I love the Red Sox!" No, it does not make it better if you partner it with: "I promise not to wear my Red Sox hat." Just a word of advice, guys! She'll not take kindly to it. And if you're standing next to her when you deliver either of these statements, you'll probably get a d*ck punch.

Turns out, the Yankees and Red Sox were dumped in favor of the new AL West matchup: Rangers vs. Astros. This is both interesting and pathetic.

Finally, onto the TBB's New Year's Resolutions for the blog...and other assorted items. We promise to attempt to do the following for you this year:

1. Cover a World Series game in person even if the Mets or Yankees aren't in the playoffs. Somehow, we'll figure this out.
2. Cover the remaining playoff games from a bar. Literally. As in, we'll bring the internet machine to a bar, hack their wifi (the password is often the bar's phone number, just so you're aware), and cover the games. In addition to a blog post, we'll actively post commentary to Twatter ( @TravelingBBabes...follow us. Do it).
3. Get TOWSNBN to take a picture with Lisa.
4. Post more video of us interacting with buffoons like you at baseball games. Actually, we'll just post more video of us in general. We're idiotic enough for you.
5. Visit and blog about our travel to the Baseball Hall of Fame.
6. Attend Star Wars night! At any stadium. Serena will try to smuggle her lightsaber in her purse. Hell hath no fury like a woman who has had her lightsaber confiscated.
7. Win a Halloween costume contest.
8. Score 200 followers on Facebook, but we're gonna need your help with this one. Share with your friends and peer pressure/blackmail/bribe your friends into loving us. Spread us like a whore spreads STD's! (www.facebook.com/TravelingBaseballBabes)
9. Dive deeper and unlock the mystery of the Subway Series. Why do Yankees and Mets fans hate each other so much?
10. Spy a professional baseball player in plain clothes. We stress, "professional." You and your beer belly running around a baseball field in dirty sweatpants you haven't washed in months does not count as a "baseball player."
11. We're going to try to be more attractive for you. Again, we stress, "try." We can't promise you anything since we don't have the money to afford plastic surgery, but we will make every effort to clean up nice. As nice as we possibly can.
12. It may not be fiscally possible for us to attend more Yankees and Mets games, but we will do everything in our power to cover baseball more actively, whether that means talking to bar patrons/baseball fans during games or stalking tailgate parties. And then posting video of these a-holes for yours and our amusement. Insert evil laugh.
13. Attempt securing tickets to the All Star Game at Citi Field. If not the game or Home Run Derby, we'll strive to cover the Fan Fest activities.
14. Bring Auntiedukes to the Mets game that we've promising her since 2011.
15. Establish a weblog-type shenanigan. This is a working progress that will require outside support aka: Brother's friend, Mike.
16. Go to Billy's by Yankees Stadium during Guido Fest so that Lisa can finally meet the guido of her dreams.
17. Serena will finally gain employment with the Yankees organization. Even if it means that she's responsible for cleaning all of Derek Jeter's 4 million shoes that's in his locker.
18. Get on the jumbotron together. At any stadium.
19. Be recognized at a game for being the world-reknown Traveling Baseball Babes. Hoo-rah.
20. TBB world domination. 2013

We will revisit this list this time next year and discuss how well we did. Hopefully, we accomplish at least one thing or else we're literally the most pathetic human beings alive. Who knows? Maybe Lisa will even be married with child by then.