Top 10 Reasons Why RA Dickey & Serena Need to be Friends

Last week we presented you with our third installment of "Dear David." Apparently, most of you are starting to be concerned for Lisa's mental health. We assure you that everything is fine. All of her mental faculties are in place. Serena knows this for a fact because when we went to the bar on Monday night, she drank all of her beer without Serena's assistance and helped Serena eat a plate of honey bbq wings, a plate of pulled pork potato skins, and another plate/bowl of spinach dip and chips. If she was mentally ill, she couldn't possibly have done all of these things so stop being so concerned. If she wants to make her life mission about banging TOWSNBN, then so be it. People have had more pathetic dreams, okay? Stop being so judgemental. You're just jealous.

In light of our recent letter, we asked you if you thought that TOWSNBN would join us in Foxwoods and 3 of 4 you felt that the only thing that would be joining us in Foxwoods was a restraining order. Only 1 person thought that he would because we're hot AND hilarious. Well, the joke is on you 3 a-holes because no one sent us a restraining order. F*ck you. We're more upset that no one thinks we're hilarious because we obviously are. You wouldn't know funny if it slapped you in face. You're just jealous.

Onto the real purpose of today's blog post. After much deliberation, we've decided that it was a moral imperative that RA Dickey and Serena need to be BFFers. NOT, we need to stress, BFers. She has no interest in receiving penetration from this man. We feel pretty strongly that if he got to know Serena, he wouldn't hesitate in participate in this friendship, however there is the unfortunate fact of him being on friendly terms with TOWSNBN. Since he's a raging a-hole, he probably has already spent an unnecessary amount of time bad-mouthing us to RA. Therefore, we need to convince RA that TOWSNBN is a melodramatic idiot. We present to you the Top 10 Reasons Why RA Dickey & Serena Need to be Friends:

1. Both RA Dickey and Serena are obsessed with Star Wars. In fact, Serena has a plastic red lightsaber that she hits Lisa with once in awhile when she's feeling bored. Lisa also bought her a "Baby Darth" for a Christmas stocking stuffer one year. In fact, Serena's been trying to convince Lisa that our Halloween costumes should be Han Solo and Princess Leia. Naturally, Serena wants to be Han, which leaves Lisa the task of wearing cinnamon rolls on her head and donning a white bathrobe to be Princess Leia. If Serena and RA became friends, Lisa could stop entertaining Serena's stupid Star Wars ideas and RA Dickey can be Princess Leia for Halloween. Maybe he'll even rock the slave costume because Lisa refuses to.

2. RA Dickey has an English Literature degree from the University of Tennessee. Serena's degree from Emerson College is Writing, Literature, and Publishing. So they can sit together and pontificate about books they've read. They can recommend books to each other on GoodReads.
3. Speaking of books, he is known to have a stack of books in his locker. Among them was a collection of works by CS Lewis (author of The Chronicles of Narnia). Serena also has a collection of CS Lewis books on her shelf (among other things).

4. RA once climbed Mount Kilimanjaro to promote awareness for human trafficking. Serena once climbed a mountain to do yoga and get the sh*t scared out of her by not one, but two mother f*cking snakes.

5. RA Dickey once made his way to the plate to the theme song from Game of Thrones. Last week, Serena turned to Lisa and said, "I'm sooooo excited for March 13th!"
Lisa: "Oh, for your birthday?"
Serena: "What?"
Lisa: "Your birthday. It's March 13th."
Serena: "Oh...no, I don't care about that. Game of Thrones is coming back!!!!"
6. RA's career ERA is 3.98. Serena can eat 3.98 cheesy gordita crunches without breaking a sweat. In fact, let's just round that up to 4. Serena can eat 4 cheesy gordita crunches.
7. RA bats from the right side as does Serena.
8. As per RA's Twatter profile, he is a "ninja in training." Well, seek no more, RA. Serena is a professional ninja. She can guide him down the path toward professionalism. Just ask Serena's little glow-in-the-dark baby ninja friends:

9. RA has a moustache and sometimes, when she's feeling frisky, so does Serena:

10. If Serena and RA become BFFers, TOWSNBN will have no choice but to penetrate Lisa.

Clearly, this list has proven that RA Dickey and Serena are meant to live together in nerd harmony. "It is our destiny," as Vader would say. You're all just jealous by how much RA and Serena have in common. And by how funny we are.