Last week, we talked about our New Year's resolutions for this blog. Not for us personally because we both know that we'll never achieve our far-fetched resolutions and there's no sense in setting us up for failure. We asked how many resolutions you foresaw us fulfilling. Only 3 of you d*ckheads voted, so thanks for being so aweeeeesome (said sarcastically). 2 of you said 50% of them (which is actually pretty positive), but there was no way we were meeting TOWSNBN. 1 a$$ face said we'd fulfill 1. And that's only because you thought we'd win a Halloween costume contest. You're a fart smeller. And you eat farts too.
Last week, we also created this fun online quiz to see how well you know us. It turns out you don't know sh*t! Who the hell have we been sleeping with these last few years?! The highest score anyone achieved was 47% and someone actually scored a 20%. Are you kidding us??? ARE. YOU. KIDDING. US. This quiz will be available until Opening Day. We suggest you do your homework and study up on this blog and the fabulous bitches that write it. Your ignorance is truly flabbergasting.
So...we know that we dropped the bomb on you last week by changing our 2013 stadium touring plans. We apologize. It wasn't personal. We know how much you were looking forward to seeing us in cowboy hats and to be honest, so were we. It just didn't work out this year. Things have been tight and we simply cannot afford to take off 2 weeks to act like a-holes in Texas/Arizona. Unless you'd like to "sponsor" our traveling, we need to scale back this year and settle on a short, fiscally responsible tour. Hence, Missouri. We began doing our midwest research. Apparently, tornado season (according to The Google Machine) is mid-March through June. That's a large chunk of the baseball season. Therefore, we're planning on flying into St. Louis on or around July 18th (you totally wanted to knows this, you pack of f*cking stalkers). We'll rent a car and use St. Louis as our home base, hitting a Cardinals/Padres game on Friday night. We're contemplating a stadium tour while in town as well since it's only $10. In addition, we have lofty plans on visiting the famous arch, a free concert weekend concert series, multiple breweries, and the River City Casino to further enable Lisa's gambling addiction. We'll drive 3 hours west to Kansas City on either Saturday or Sunday to see the Royals take on the Tigers (Annnnnnnnnnd Justin Verlander...yessssssss). Depending on game time (which KC has been kind enough to withhold), we're going to try to do a stadium tour prior to the game OR take advantage of this AMAZING Early Bird Pre-Game Experience that the team brilliantly offers. For $10, you get front row access to batting practice, a promotional giveaway, and some nonsense about official game notes...or some crap like that (all we know is that we NEED it). We promise you most excellent photos...as always. Plus, there's a roadtrip involved, which means we get to break out our 98 Degrees discography, so you know THAT'S going be the definition of awesome. If you're lucky, we'll video some of it. You're welcome.
It appears that Brian Wilson may be joining us in Flushing. He apparently had a "private workout" with the Mets recently. What does that even mean? He did pushups and the Mets lineup watched? He worked out with TOWSNBN? They ran side by side on the treadmill? They all hung out in the clubhouse sauna together? What the hell does that mean???? Anyway...it sounds creepy. And somewhat voyeuristic.
Derek Jeter, in other bizarre NY news, got to "remove his boot." Let us start by saying that we apparently have drank entirely too much alcohol in the time that has lapsed between the playoffs and now. It's like we've been living a life under "Blackout Drunk" context because we totally forgot that Jeter was injured. Nevermind the fact that he might have been in a cast. So when we saw this headline, we assumed that he had purchased a brand new pair of combat boots. Ooops. He's not allowed to run or skip, but he IS allowed to "walk around in shoes and stuff" (this is a direct quote from the article, so don't judge the bimbo lingo) and run in the swimming pool. Do you have any idea what this means? This means that we've been working harder at the gym than Derek Jeter. And this is the man that the Yankees dubbed "Captain." Ridiculousness. We should just put AJ's cats, She-Ra and Thundercat, in charge of the Yankees. They at least go outside and kill things...and also attempted to kill Lisa, which would probably please TOWSNBN. It's like a win-win. For the Yankees AND the Mets.