Sunday, July 20, 2014

We Like To Think We're Athletes

Once again, we've signed up for the Damon Runyon 5K at Yankee Stadium. The 5K benefits the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation. If you've paid any attention at all to this blog over these last few years, you'd remember that cancer research is a very important cause to us. For starters, we co-founded a charity in our fathers' names called Fred K's Cancer. Both Freds were diagnosed with cancer - Fred #1 with testicular cancer and Fred #2 with oral cancer. Secondly, Serena's Mema and Mamadukes were both diagnosed with breast cancer. Each year, she and her family raise money for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer on their behalf.

Also, if you've been paying attention to our blog these last few years, you'd remember that we hate running. And exercise in general. Why would we do a 5K? Truthfully, we don't know what prompts us to register for all of these 5K's, but the best part about the Damon Runyon 5K (aside from the fact that you're raising money for something incredibly important) is that the course is Yankee Stadium. You get to run on the field. The actual field. Not a fake one. When you cross the finish line, there are energetic and enthusiastic volunteers waiting for you with medals. After you've received your medal, there are tables upon tables of the best goddamn post-race snacks EVER! This 5K has spoiled us. It's basically the reason why we had such a hissy fit at the All Star Game 5K last year because they didn't have bagels.

Here's the negative part of the 5K: stairs. You have no idea how many stairs the New York Yankees make you climb on game day until you have to run them all one day. The Yankees must not have gotten the memo that America has an obesity problem. As a whole, our nation does not enjoying exercise or healthy living. Why can't you give us more escalators? Or slides? Something simple. Each year, we overestimate our athletic prowess. As you can see here and here, each year, we make grandiose announcements about "training" and assume that the run will be easier. Each year, we sit on our fat, stupid asses and do nothing until the morning of the 5K. We don't even prepare on the morning of the race properly. We eat nothing and stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way to the race to buy large cups of coffee for the drive.

This year, we decided our shenanigans needed to end. One day, we'll drop dead if we continue to live dangerously. Our race is Sunday, August 3rd. We finally started "training" last weekend. We ran 1 mile to the high school near Serena's apartment, 2 laps around the track, 2 snaking laps of the bleachers, walked 1 lap on the track, and then ran the 1 mile back to the apartment. After which, we climbed into Lisa's car and drove to a nearby cafe for smoothies. Yesterday, we did our second training session. To our first session, we added a third bleacher lap and sandwiches with a lot of Italian meat on it to our smoothies. All we did was complain the entire time. Clearly, we're going to die on August 3rd.

If you haven't run this 5K before, you should. Especially if you're a baseball fan. If you HAVE run this 5K in the past, you should do so again. In both instances, you should run with us. A) you can be there to witness our death and then you can take over our blog and record our final moments. B) you'll get a sweet custom t-shirt made by us. In our kitchens. With an iron. C) we're always looking for strong, able bodies to carry us off to glory. If you're not local or physically can't run/walk a 5K due to injury, or are just lazy, you should donate to our team. See beginning of the blog as to why donations are so vital. If you need additional incentive, we'll make you a custom shirt and send it to you.


  1. there's a charity race down in Raleigh, NC where you run 2.5 miles, eat a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts, then run 2,5 miles again. Krispy Kreme Challenge. I think about doing it from time to time...but I get concerned I may not want to eat a donut ever again afterwards!

    1. Ugh! Who wants to throw up on purpose like that??

  2. Super models?

    gawd, can't imagine the mess...I dunno but they had over 7000 people do it last year I think! Some of them wear wacky costumes.