Since We've Been Gone...

So, we've been the worst bloggers in history. We gave you Baltimore action and then flat left you. We didn't even cover the playoffs - a post season in which a New York team was represented. However, in our defense, we've been extremely busy. And also popular. Since we feel like we owe you a little bit of an explanation, we'll detail our timeline from the Baltimore game to today.

We'll start with just a few weekends after we traveled to Baltimore and went to a Yankees doubleheader. At the end of September, we ran in the Tunnel 2 the Tower 5K with Auntiedukes, Stephanie, Julia, and Julia's extremely tall sidekick.

The Saturday immediately following the Tunnel 2 the Tower Run, we ran a half marathon with Stephanie. After we crossed the finish line, this extremely handsome firefighter took a photo with us. Unfortunately, he tried to pose for a photo with us before giving Serena her medal and that was simply unacceptable, so she yelled at him. We were a little cranky from running for over 2 hours.

As if 13 miles weren't enough, Serena and Auntiedukes chose to walk in the Avon 39 NYC event shortly after. Lisa, Aunt Cathy, Mamadukes, Roberta, Stephanie, and Julia came out to cheer them on.

Feeling randy from our recent athletic endeavors, we chose to go pumpkin picking and participate in all of the farm's children's activities.

We laid low from that point on until Halloween. We spent our time busy like beavers to ensure the perfection execution of our Halloween costumes. In the end, our hard work and attention to detail paid off. We partied at a bar in Chelsea within view of the Empire State Building. Erin and The Favorite traveled down from Boston to join us. Behold the kick ass crossover super hero crew:

 

 

During this time, as you know, the Mets were chipping their way through the Division Series, Championship Series, and into the World Series. We tried to cross another item off the NYE resolution list by acquiring tickets to one of these playoff games, however Lisa felt slightly wronged. The Mets required her to enter a lottery in order to have the opportunity to purchase tickets. Lisa received an email that she didn't qualify to purchase for the Division Series, which was a bummer. Both of us agreed that we wouldn't pay the ass raping prices of StubHub for these tickets. We have pride. Sometimes too much pride, which bites us in the ass, but in this case, it served our bank accounts well.

All was not lost. The Mets advanced to the Championship. This time, Lisa qualified. By the time she got tickets, all that was left were tickets to "game 4." We discussed this while foam rolling at the gym.
"Oh! I got us tickets to game 4. That's all that was left."
Serena: "Are you sure it's for game 4 and not the fourth home game?"
Lisa: "No. It says game 4 on the tickets."
Serena: "Oh, that's new. They didn't used to do it that way."
Lisa: "Yeah. We definitely have tickets to game 4."
Serena: "Cool."

Fast forward:
Lisa: "Sooooooo, it turns out we have tickets to game 7."
Serena: "I knew it."
Lisa: "Yeah, so this game will either be extremely epic or a goddamn nightmare. We'll either be celebrating or I'm going home crying."

As you know, the Mets never made it to game 7 because they swept the Cubs. Side note: Lisa only just got her money back today. Way to be on top of that, Ticketmaster. So quick to take the money, but not so quick to give it back.

Onto the World Series. Lisa received yet another rejection email from the Mets.

Meanwhile, all around us are these fake bandwagon Mets fans going to the playoff games. It was infuriating. Here we are, supporting our teams and each other through good times and not so good times, through old stadiums and new. Faithful to the end. Then these buffoons come in here with their clean, shiny, brand new Mets memorabilia with the tags still on it and take our ticket opportunities away. That's really all we have to say on this subject. We don't want to talk about it anymore.

Back to our busy, fun-filled schedule. Today, we ran what may or may not be our final run for the year (there's talk of a turkey trot at the end of the month, but we're unable to confirm or deny that at this time): the Damon Runyon 5K. Today was our 4th go round of this particular race, Stephanie's second, and Dan's first. We're proud to say that we broke his run cherry. Once again, Lisa was displeased by the idea that walkers got a medal as well as the runners since they didn't do half the work that we did. Lisa was also extremely put out by the fact that there was no cheese table. In fact, she was so upset by this injustice that she inserted the word, "cheese" into random sentences throughout the rest of the day. After our run, we ate, drank coffee, and napped (not in a puppy pile).

Now, we wait for the Giants to blow it either in the last final games of the season or in the first round of the playoffs, we wait for spring training, we wait for the Bronx Zoo run, and we wait for Opening Day. In the midst of this, perhaps we will actually get our shit together and plan a stadium tour.We do only have seven stadiums left and as per usual with us, as we get down to the wire, we start dragging our feet.

PS - our ADD caused this blog post to take over 2 hours to write. Wait until the baseball season and all of our game photos, people. ALL DAY blog posts. ALL DAY.

The 2014 Damon Runyon 5K

Today we ran in our third Damon Runyon 5K and all things considered, we did pretty well. We only worked out twice to prepare for this day and we still managed to finish in about 30 minutes or so. We even had an actual team member with us, which is always exciting. Stephanie also wore the shirt and hair ribbon that we demanded she wear. Before we get into the great things that WE accomplished today, let's do a brief recap of the event's success:

"New York, NY (August 3, 2014) — More than 2,300 baseball fans, runners, walkers, cancer survivors, and their friends and family gathered at Yankee Stadium on Sunday, August 3^rd for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation’s sixth annual Runyon 5K.

One of New York’s most unique summer events, the Runyon 5K is the only charitable run/walk that uses the iconic Stadium as its course. This year’s event raised more than $500,000 – and counting – for the nonprofit’s groundbreaking efforts to strike out cancer. Since inception, the event has raised more than $3.5 million dollars.

Runners were welcomed to the Stadium by Damon Runyon President and CEO Lorraine Egan, U.S. Congressman José E. Serrano, WNBC 4 reporter Brynn Gingras, and Yankees enthusiast and Bleacher Creature leader “Bald Vinny.”

“Over the past six years, the proceeds from the Runyon 5K have allowed us to fund amazing cancer researchers doing incredible work,” Egan said. "Our 5K participants have made breakthroughs possible – it’s as simple as that.”

Runners were welcomed by a video – displayed on the centerfield video board – greeting from the Official Ambassador, Yankees center fielder Brett Gardner. The event's top fundraiser will win a chance to meet Gardner and two tickets to the game."

You can still support the Damon Runyon 5K by pledging a donation...to our team preferably. Next year, if you're local, we insist that you do this run. For the good of your soul, cancer research, your ass/thighs, and for your stomach (because they have the best snacks ever). This video will give you a snippet of what it's like, but it conveniently leaves out any reference to the stairs.

We miraculously arrived at the Stadium an hour and a half in advance, which is unheard of for us. Probably because we had Stephanie to keep us on task. If it was up to us, we probably would've stopped for coffee and the bathroom 3 more times than we actually did. As you can see in this photo, it looked like we were heading into a monsoon.

Once we arrived, we checked in, picked up our bibs and filled out our tribute cards. We choose to run for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation in honor of Lisa's Fred #2 and Serena's Mamadukes, Mema, and Fred #1.

Do you see those sexy, colorful ribbons in our hair? You want them, don't you? They were custom made for us by Lisa's friend, Kerry. You want sexy, colorful ribbons for yourself? Message us and we'll put you in touch with the mastermind. She may even give you a discount. Like 5% or some sh*t. Or a free taco with purchase.

Since we were early, we decided to watch the first wave lap the field from the Delta Skybox.

We got wind that we might be able to hop onto an earlier heat, so we ran downstairs to hit that shit. We took our traditional pre-race selfie just before horn sounded.

And then we were off! First, two laps around the 100 level. Serena always high-fives Don Mattingly's number near Monument Park. Perhaps one day soon, she will high-five Bernie's. *Hint, hint* Here we are running on the field like Olympic track stars:

Having already done two Runyon 5K's, we knew the drill. Watch for sneaky photographers and make sure you smile. We've had far too many stinky eye pictures. We explained all of this to Stephanie while rounding the warning track. How do you think we did?

Once off the warning track, it was time to face the true horror of this race: stairs. 4 million stairs to be exact. Lisa counted. We must've had two epic race training days because it wasn't as terrible as it had been in the past. Don't misunderstand. The stairs were terrible and they symbolize everything that's evil in this world, but they just weren't as bad as usual. Running high school bleachers two times really paid off.

After the race, we received medals for being the most fashionable runners there. We accepted these awards as humbly as possible.

As usual, the post-race spread was simply stellar. Cheese, bagels, bananas, yogurt, healthy snack bars. We stuffed ourselves and after parting ways with Stephanie, stopped and got smoothies. Then we napped. Before blogging, we felt that we needed some protein and "brain food" to blog, so we stopped at Taco Bell and ordered about $10 of food. Per person. Now here we are. The End. Til' next year.

We Like To Think We're Athletes

Once again, we've signed up for the Damon Runyon 5K at Yankee Stadium. The 5K benefits the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation. If you've paid any attention at all to this blog over these last few years, you'd remember that cancer research is a very important cause to us. For starters, we co-founded a charity in our fathers' names called Fred K's Cancer. Both Freds were diagnosed with cancer - Fred #1 with testicular cancer and Fred #2 with oral cancer. Secondly, Serena's Mema and Mamadukes were both diagnosed with breast cancer. Each year, she and her family raise money for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer on their behalf.

Also, if you've been paying attention to our blog these last few years, you'd remember that we hate running. And exercise in general. Why would we do a 5K? Truthfully, we don't know what prompts us to register for all of these 5K's, but the best part about the Damon Runyon 5K (aside from the fact that you're raising money for something incredibly important) is that the course is Yankee Stadium. You get to run on the field. The actual field. Not a fake one. When you cross the finish line, there are energetic and enthusiastic volunteers waiting for you with medals. After you've received your medal, there are tables upon tables of the best goddamn post-race snacks EVER! This 5K has spoiled us. It's basically the reason why we had such a hissy fit at the All Star Game 5K last year because they didn't have bagels.

Here's the negative part of the 5K: stairs. You have no idea how many stairs the New York Yankees make you climb on game day until you have to run them all one day. The Yankees must not have gotten the memo that America has an obesity problem. As a whole, our nation does not enjoying exercise or healthy living. Why can't you give us more escalators? Or slides? Something simple. Each year, we overestimate our athletic prowess. As you can see here and here, each year, we make grandiose announcements about "training" and assume that the run will be easier. Each year, we sit on our fat, stupid asses and do nothing until the morning of the 5K. We don't even prepare on the morning of the race properly. We eat nothing and stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way to the race to buy large cups of coffee for the drive.

This year, we decided our shenanigans needed to end. One day, we'll drop dead if we continue to live dangerously. Our race is Sunday, August 3rd. We finally started "training" last weekend. We ran 1 mile to the high school near Serena's apartment, 2 laps around the track, 2 snaking laps of the bleachers, walked 1 lap on the track, and then ran the 1 mile back to the apartment. After which, we climbed into Lisa's car and drove to a nearby cafe for smoothies. Yesterday, we did our second training session. To our first session, we added a third bleacher lap and sandwiches with a lot of Italian meat on it to our smoothies. All we did was complain the entire time. Clearly, we're going to die on August 3rd.

If you haven't run this 5K before, you should. Especially if you're a baseball fan. If you HAVE run this 5K in the past, you should do so again. In both instances, you should run with us. A) you can be there to witness our death and then you can take over our blog and record our final moments. B) you'll get a sweet custom t-shirt made by us. In our kitchens. With an iron. C) we're always looking for strong, able bodies to carry us off to glory. If you're not local or physically can't run/walk a 5K due to injury, or are just lazy, you should donate to our team. See beginning of the blog as to why donations are so vital. If you need additional incentive, we'll make you a custom shirt and send it to you.

2013 Damon Runyon 5K

We've survived another Damon Runyon 5K and now we're here to tell the tale. We know that we insisted that we were going to die during this race, but we swear the stairs at Yankee Stadium are killer. Truth be told, there should be fewer fat Yankee fans out there with this friggin' stadium being constructed on an empire of staircases. Lisa's knee and calf hurts and it's pretty much official that Serena's knee injury from the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field in April is a permanent fixture in her life. She is now a person with "bad knees." A person who complains that she knows it's going to rain because her knee hurts. She's one step below arthritis. It may be her meniscus ("Baby, I don't even know what a meniscus is!"). But our medical advice comes from Wiki and WebMD, so we probably shouldn't be trusted when it comes to diagnoses.

By this point, you're probably wondering why two individuals as whiny and lazy as we are would want to run a 5K that includes millions and millions and millions of stairs. Yes, running the warning track at Yankee Stadium is definitely a draw, but really, we've already done that at last year's event. It's checked off the bucket list. We don't NEED to do it again. The Damon Runyon 5K raises money for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation and as many of you who've been following our blog/Facebook page for a long time know, we founded our own charity, Fred K's Cancer, in honor of our dads, The Freds, who were both diagnosed with cancer. Fred #1 (aka: Ahne) was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2008 while Fred #2 (aka: Leone) was diagnosed with oral cancer in 2003. Serena also runs for her family members who have battled breast cancer.

Unlike last year, the sky was overcast. Thank god. You have no idea how hot it is on the field with the sun beating down on you like a suffocating boyfriend. It's oppressive and it causes you to question the reason you're with that person to begin with.

The event ambassador for this year's event was Brett Gardner, but since he's in Boston for the series finale tonight, we were unable to stalk him. It's best that he wasn't present because he probably would've finished the race in 10 minutes, making us feel bad about ourselves. Again. But then, we think about all of the medals we've earned for races we've done little to no training for and we remember how amazing we are. And we're back to being delusionally arrogant.

"Bald Vinny" Milano of The Bleacher Creatures was the race's official starter. Unfortunately, because we can't get anywhere on time to save ourselves, we missed the race start. Whomp, whomp. We arrived at the stadium a full hour before our heat was scheduled to go and after picking up our bibs, headed up to the Legends Suite to watch the first of the runners to lap the field.

 

We returned downstairs to stand on line and wait for our heat to begin at around 10. We took what's becoming a traditional picture with a person in the background being disappointed in himself for not being as awesome as we are. Head bowed in shame.

And THEN we were inside!

A video clip of our wave getting pumped to start the race of joint death.

 

The best part of the race is, hands down, when you get to run on the field.

Lisa tried to get a picture of Serena running on the field and accidentally took a picture of the woman running behind Serena instead. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Oh, there's Serena:

Lisa:

 

Here's a video clip of us running along the warning track. Super exciting, right?

 

The worst part? STAIRS! Just when you think the Yankees couldn't possibly have any more stairs, you find another nook of stairs on your second lap to the 200/300 level of the stadium. We think that maybe one of the staircases at Yankee Stadium is the secret portal that transports you to Middle Earth. That's why you have to climb so many.

Somehow, Serena lost Lisa again near the second staircase. One minute Lisa was there, the next...gone. Lisa told Serena later that there was a staircase pileup. A body fender bender, if you will. As a result, we didn't get to cross the finish line together, but Serena managed to hang around and snap a photo of Lisa crossing the finish line.

An important life lesson was learned at today's 5K and that is "always wear sunglasses to your 5K's so that your photos come out less heinous." 

As you can see we got another medal, which makes us feel important and gives us high self-esteem. Like last year, we are actively blogging while wearing them. Serena is actually wearing both of her Damon Runyon medals because they're filling her with the warmth of true joy, which with the way the Yankees have been playing, has been a long time coming.

Oh, and by the way, they gave us bagels and water like a proper 5K should. They also gave us cheese, yogurt, and chips, so now we're spoiled 5K brats. Future 5K's beware. Damon Runyon has set the bar high for post-race snacks.

 

Tomorrow, we will wear our medals to work. Serena starts her day off bright and early training a client. It's their first appointment together so the medal is sure to intimidate her client into thinking that Serena's a former Olympic champion. From her client, she will drive to her proper job that offers health benefits and a 401K plan. She will change into proper corporate attire and sit at her desk wearing her medal and email with Lisa, who will also be wearing her medal. Together, we will pontificate on how amazing and legendary we are and wonder why no one likes us and why men aren't knocking down the door to meet/feed us.

 

Obviously, we're the Super Heroes of the Week and obviously, stairs are the A-holes of the Week. Good day!

Borderline Professionals at Everything We Touch

Last week, we talked about our experience running in the Damon Runyon 5K and we discussed our a-hole behavior with our fake Olympic medals. Because of this, we asked if you thought us to be pompous a-holes. Surprisingly, 7 of you said no! Even more shocking is that no one voted yes!

We have some news for you. If you thought we were arrogant and over-the-top with this 5K, WAIT until you hear about our NFL Back to Football Run. It was FOUR miles! That's .9 more than a 5K. We'll post pictures and talk about how great we are at a later date. Next week is the Mickey Mantle exhibit (which we know you've been dying to hear about), but after that, oh, the glory you shall receive. The sweaty, arthritic glory. You're salivating in anticipation, aren't you?

At this stage of the game, we're borderline professional runners. Our next step might be a half marathon in which we wear tutus and feather boas and you get alcohol at the finish line. The only problem is that 13 miles is a long time to keep us occupied. That's 9 more miles that we're going to have to sing songs during. 9 more miles to complain about how far this trail is. 9 more miles of our hip joints weeping softly. 9 more miles of Serena asking where the ice cream is. It's just a lot to handle. Plus, we don't think there's any entertainment along the way. If there were performances by some elephants, bands, magicians, midgets, or fat bearded ladies, then perhaps we would be motivated to continue. Or if someone in better shape ran in front of us with two mugs of beer and pizza, THEN perhaps we would be motivated to continue. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Far, far ahead.

As you can see, this is quite the abbreviated blog post, but if you continue to scroll down, you will see our actual blog post for this evening. Nationals Ballpark. Enjoy. Eat some popcorn while you read it.

Once again, we are the super heroes of the week because we sat in an a-hole car for 14 hours. Jayson Werth is a-hole of the week because he apparently has never owned a razor.