We can't believe we haven't collated this information for you before. Honestly, these are f*cking gems. So, you're welcome. These quotes are a collection of moments that took place while we were together. We may have said dumber things separately from one another, but those statements are not listed here.
1. While looking through photos of our trip to Chicago, Serena kindly assessed our snazzy good looks with the following statement:
"We look like a-holes. And when I say a-holes, I mean an actual hairy a-hole."
2. During a Yankees/Diamondbacks game at Yankee Stadium, Lisa turned to Serena and said:
"What is a diamondback anyway? And why is their mascot a snake?"
Serena: "Lisa, a diamondback IS a snake."
Lisa: "Oh...why would they pick an animal like that to be their mascot?"
Serena: "I dunno. It is native to that area and it is the largest of the rattlesnake species and the largest venomous snake in North America."
3. Post-All Star Game 5K in Prospect Park, we were slightly upset about the lack of MLB mascot participation:
Lisa: "Where are they now?"
Serena: "There's nothing but a bunch of sweaty a-holes in orange."
4. Serena was tired of the Derek Jeter obsession sweeping the nation and in discussing the All Star Game:
"It's his final season. He's getting voted into the All Star Game. Even if he takes a dump at shortstop in every single game leading up to the break, the man will be voted into the All Star Game."
Serena: "You're imagining him squatting at shortstop taking a dump right now, aren't you?"
5. Our assessment of the supposedly renown Dodger Dog:
"It is a raping of your taste buds and a violation of basic human rights."
6. During the Yankees' grounds crew's YMCA performance, Lisa turned to Serena and asked,
"Wait, do I look like a C?"
7. Lisa spent an entire Mets/Braves game flirting with a young Mets fan who was at the game with his father, however Serena was not convinced of this man's worthiness.
"Lisa, I don't want you giving him your number. He hasn't shared his chips with us. I specifically heard his father tell him to share his chips and he hasn't. If he won't share his chips, he's not worth it. What else won't he share with you?"
8. A description of Barry Zito's moustache:
"It is a black cat hovering beneath his nose."
9. While we were in France, we saw a lot of references to St. Michel. Observing one particular statue of St. Michel slaying the devil, Lisa said,
"I don't understand. I don't remember a woman named Michelle slaying the devil in the bible."
Serena: "Michel is French for Michael."
10. Most recently, we put together our first IKEA dresser (with Brother's help). Upon opening the instructions, Serena stated,
"I'm going to be frank with you, we're not smart enough to put this together."
Truth be told, we could've gone all day, but we limited ourselves to ten in hopes that we'll lure you into our web.