As promised, our Superbowl 50 play by play. Please note that the boy we call Kyle (or on Instagram, our little baby giraffe) works with Serena and is a faux adopted child. He calls us his "moms." We didn't let him drink any wine and also, we made sure he was on his way home before 10pm (or as his real mom likes to put it, "before the drunks came out").
The night unfolds...
T minus 60 min until game time:
Bagel Bites, boneless wings, dino nuggets, sweet potato fries in the oven
Eat the entire bag of Wasabe Soy potato chips
Receive text from Kyle: "I'm on the way. Warning: I don't know what football is."
Watch 20 minutes of Lip Sync Battle on YouTube. Serena laments that John Krasinski is married to Emily Blunt.
We play "Land Before Time" with cooked dino nuggets
Lisa realizes that the game has already started. We frantically try to relocate our snacks into the back room.
Serena cannot figure out how to use the television.
Serena finally gets it going.
Carolina is already losing.
Monkey Baby Puppy is terrifying. We won't be able to sleep at night. We cannot effectively stress how emotionally damaging that commercial was.
We will go see Jungle Book. It is decided. Bagheera looks like Isolde.
Denver 10 - Carolina 0
Kyle's assessment of the game thus far: "Well, I like when that guy fell on that floor. And when that other guy made him fall on the floor."
"You look like you peaked in high school." - funny Shocktop commercial
Kyle demonstrates his slick dance moves that will be unveiled when Beyonce appears.
Peyton Manning sack lunch.
Isolde arrives. She's the belle of the ball.
Carolina touchdown. Awesome dance moves.
Steve Tyler. What the tits happened?
Ryan Reynolds is delicious. But we have no idea what it was advertising. Because he's so hot.
We perform a twenty minute Disney song medley.
We've moved on to a Frank Sinatra medley.
Liam Hemsworth. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
"It's a game of miscues."
What. The. F*ck. Dead dad commercial??????
Conversation that just took place:
Kyle: My sister is trying to win a $100 gift card to Papa John's.
Lisa: How old is your sister?
K: She's almost 20.
L: Life goals.
Kyle disappoints us with his overwhelming love and adoration for Beyonce. Ugh.
We discover that Kyle wasn't even alive for the infamous OJ Simpson bronco chase.
Game is totally losing interest. Technically, the game is a close game, but Denver really should be murdering Carolina because they're playing like garbage.
Overall, commercials have sucked and so has Peyton Manning's hairline.
Helen Mirren is a Planet Earth treasure. But we're on to her. She definitely drinks a higher quality brand of beer in her free time.
Cam Newton turnover. Game over.
Bored. It's time for us to do another activity.