Thursday, November 19, 2009

Only the Lonely

Warning: The post you are about to read is full of explicit content, and when I mean explicit I mean full of run on sentences, horrible grammar and pure rubbish. I apologize in advance for what you are about to read. Serena the English major is out of town.

Greetings fellow followers it is I Lisa flying solo today on the blog. Now you may be asking yourself why are you all by your lonesome. I am glad you asked. It seems my partner in crime has flown to Vegas for the weekend to apply to the University of a Hunk a Hunk a burning love. Serena is really good at impersonating Elvis but she wants to get even better. While she is there she will be celebrating Hot Mamma Erin’s Birthday bash. Happy Birthday Erin!! Hope the two of you have fun. That was 95 % sincere and 5% bitter jealousy that I could not join them.

Last week’s poll we had asked you how do you spend your spare time in the off season? A whopping 8 of you voted and the results are in (cue in the drum roll). One person voted that they chose to spend their time whittling pieces of wood into your favorite all star. Well good for you. I too have been wasting my time until baseball starts at countless craft stores with Serena to purchase material needed for our Cancer Crafts which we will be selling for charity. Please see Fred K’s Cancer blog for more info. I want to ask the person who voted for this that if you have time could you maybe carve me a figure of TOWSNBN. I think it would look absolutely lovely on my desk. Ohhhhhh and one of Justin Morneau for Serena . It will make a great stocking stuffer. I know she would adore a miniature statue of the man that is the boyfriend in her head. Zero of you voted for creating a creepy fan page on Facebook for Brad Ziegler. Thank god! I was beginning to think that you people were a little off your rocker with some of your choices in previous polls. I am glad to see we are using your brains people. It’s one thing to be a fan of an official web page but to make one up yourself that is borderline crazy. That is just putting you one step closer to a restraining order and being labeled a stage 5 clinger. You might as well just wear a T-shirt that says “I am insert favorite player’s name stalker and proud of it at the stadium. The third choice was trying to find TOWSNBN apartment building. One person voted for this and it was not ME!!!! This scares me. Do I have competition? I can safely say that TOWSNBN most likely will not be able to handle another me so back off and I mean that in the nicest way. None of you are wasting your time in an empty parking lot of your favorite team’s stadium. I am glad to see our fans have lives. That really is for your own safety because not to mention any stadiums in particular ahem RFK some are not in the best areas and bad things could happen causing you to miss the 2010 season and never be able to read this blog again . Gasp !!!
We seem to have a three way tie. Two of you brilliant people are going to get five on it and take up pot smoking just to hang out with Tim Lincecum and I think that’s awesome try not to gain too much weight in the off season from the munchies. Peer Pressure never was so rewarding. Going on countless yoga retreats with Barry Zito also got two votes. I think you people just like the way the downward dog sounds . It does sound quite perverted. The third choice of the three way tie that got two votes was watching anything ESPN has to offer. Really? What if the NBA , NHL or NFL is not available. Is watching professional bowling really going to cut it for you. A strike in bowling is not the same feeling of euphoria as when your ace pitcher gets a called strike. How about competitive fishing? Hope they have a ticker tape parade for the man that catches the biggest trout.

Now we are going to move on to my pathetic rant. Please be kind I am at the mercy of whatever pops into my head since we are in a depression of no baseball. The good news is I was taught how to hyper link so click away my friends click away.

Did you ever sit and wonder why teams get rid of Star players? I do and so does my Father. We just can’t understand how some MLB organizations can go ahead and give away the teams most valuable players. Did it maybe ever occur to the Angels that if they had tried to keep Mark Teixeira that maybe they would have been the ones having a ticker tape parade with important bank statements flying down on to the ground as well as the Creepy Outbreak rally monkey on the lead float holding up that glorious trophy. How about the Minnesota Twins sure they have Serena’s boyfriend in her head Justin Morneau but where’s Johan? I always say that excellent pitching beats an excellent bat any given day. Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining that I have Mr. Santana on my team. He is about the only player on the Met roster that I don’t curse out on a daily basis during the season, but how do you let that talent go. Shall I even dare mention the Pittsburgh Pirates that constantly dismantle there team every year which gets them nowhere

Call me crazy and maybe it’s not as simple as I think. I have a easy peasy equation that I feel explains it all. Please be warned that I did go to summer school for math so this equation most likely sounded a lot better in my mind. Here it is people. Star player + Winning Games= Happy Fan. Happy Fans will always bring in $$. Even if your team does not go to the playoffs at least you will still be selling tickets because you kept a crowd favorite or as Serena and I like to say a golden boy. Does anyone ever want to go to a game in which you replaced the Golden Boy with Janitor Bob and when I mean Janitor Bob I mean a player that is unfamiliar or is making his major league debut at age forty. Although in some cases like when watching the Mets this year I think they had no choice but to us an actual janitor. Anyway most fans want to go to a game where there is hope that you are going to win or see a well played game even if you lose. Are you really going to win with Janitor Bob? Is Janitor Bob really going to win a golden glove and be your teams MVP? Furthermore is Janitor Bob your money cow? I don’t think so!

I suppose there are the few of you that are going to say that these teams can’t afford to keep these players. I agree with you most likely the Top 3 big spenders of the league always gobble up the big guns. It is sad that outrageous contracts have taken over this sport and players are going to go where the dollar dollar bills are. It is what it is sad but true, but is it so difficult to keep just one player. Surely you can't be that poor. I watch the games I see you in your flashy new uniforms I see you in your great kazoo new batting helmets that will avoid you hurting your coconut. I am not stupid people these things cost lots of money. Next time your favorite team are in the market to purchase these items maybe it will be wise to make do with what you have and give the people what they really want which is a Star that will bring great unexplained cosmic happenings to your favorite team and lead them into the magical world of the post season. We can dream can't we !

Time for Baseball notes: Trumpets please. The wonderful Tim Lincecum aka Tiny Tim has won his second Cy Young award for the NL. Congratulations my tiny friend.There is a reason we gave him his own holiday. A mere 10 points is all that separated the top three contenders. Chris Carpenter was second and St. Louis teammate Adam Wainwright finished third. Pass the dutchie upon the left hand side Tim and celebrate. The winner of the AL Cy Young award was Zack Greinke of the Kansas City Royals. Zack was 16-8 this season with an ERA of 2.16. You go Zack! Rookie of the year for the American League went to closer Andrew Bailey of the Oakland A’s. He saved 26 games this season and went 6-3 with a 1.84 ERA and struck out 91 batters in 83 1/3 IP. We hope that fellow teammate Brad Ziegler took you out on the town for a wild night of drinks and karaoke to celebrate this honor. In the NL the award of Rookie of the Year was awarded to Chris Coghlan of the Florida Marlins. Chris was previously and infielder who stepped into an outfield position as well as the lead off spot. He batted a .321 for the season. A job well done ! Last I have to announce the awards for Manager of the year. Are you excited? You should be. Want to know why because it definitely was not Jerry Manuel of the New York Mets. Actually did anyone notice that not one New York Met has won a measly award. Just when I thought I was getting over this horrible season. The Manager of the year for the AL went to Mike Scioscia of the LA Angels. He lead his team into the playoffs threw some hard times. The honors in NL league went to Jim Tracy of the Colorado Rockies. He is responsible for the 360 the Rockies had made in the season and lead them into taking the NL Wild Card spot. Congratulations to all the winners!

In other news the Arizona Diamondbacks acquired right hand pitcher Aaron Heilman from the Cubs for a pair of minor leaguers. I feel for the Diamondback’s fans as they will soon come to realize that once he enters the game you will need a bottle of Tums by your side as you watch your lead slowly demise.

Well it’s been real my fellow peeps and thank god it’s over. Serena shall be coming home and will be putting our wonderful thoughts into a well written post. The least we can give our fans is quality writing. I hope I didn't lose any of you fans with this post.

I leave you with the fine lyrics of Air Supply … I'm all out of words, I'm so lost without you I know your having fun, but not being here on Friday has made me so glum , I'm all out of sarcastic remarks, what’s the TBB without you .