In a Baseball State of Mind

While Serena frolicked around the streets of Los Angeles with Erin, Lisa asked if you ever took what sports commentators said seriously. While we are happy that more people voted this time around (8 total), it saddens us to relay the outcome of this poll. 1 person actually thinks that sports commentators are the wisest people ever. Really? Okay, you sole survivor, you must not have many intelligent friends or perhaps you never actually paid attention and listened to a game, subjecting yourself to ongoing rants about crap that have nothing to do with the players or the team. At least our rants are baseball-related! If this is the case, we forgive you. Or maybe you’re an out of stater whose team actually has an acceptable announcer’s booth. If so, we’re jealous! 2 of our fine feathered friends chose to watch the game on mute. We happen to do the same. Sometimes when we are watching the game, we pretend that our Coors Light bottles are microphones and we report on what’s shaking on the field...to absolutely no one. At this stage, Brother usually vacates the house in a hurry. We think that we’ve become quite good at announcing, with only the small, itty bitty hiccup of needing a beep button to regularly cut out the cursing. Is that really so bad? We love Ron Darling on SNY and Paul O’Neil’s special guest appearances on YES, but other than these exceptions, please, Keith Hernandez and Michael Kay, stop making our ears bleed! We beg you! Bobby Murcer, we miss you! The last choice won in a landslide with 5 votes and this is somewhat disconcerting to us. The option was “Maybe. I have patience. After all I do read this blog.” Do you really hate us or something? I mean we joke around that you guys do, but now we’re thinking that our joking was just a way to disguise the truth and this realization kind of hurts. The TBB are not entirely insensitive. We do actually have feelings. Don't be cruel to a heart that’s true (insert Elvis lip curl).

Tomorrow is D-Day. The time for the St. Jude’s Ab Challenge is upon us. Last year, Serena completed 5, 591 crunches in an hour. With a newly developed sore throat, she’s under no illusion that she’s going to blow this total out of the water. She’ll settle for hitting 6,000 this time. To celebrate, we’re hoping that Mamadukes is open to hitting up the closest IHOP for face stuffing (ahem, Mamadukes, are you reading this?). While Lisa dreams of the breakfast sampler, Serena hopes to sleep on a bed of glorious pancakes (hmmm…imagine if Bon Jovi’s song had been a Bed of Pancakes instead of Roses? Would he still have slept on a bed of nails?). Wish us luck, people!

Now onto more pressing news: baseball. On Tuesday, Cliff Lee said that he still felt some pain in his strained abdomen following his first on field test of the injury and he has no idea when he’ll be able to get on the mound again. Yikes! Is it possible that he may not be ready when the Mariners start their season at Oakland on April 5th?

Terry Francona announced on Wednesday that the x-rays on second baseman, Dustin Pedroia’s sprained left wrist were negative. He’ll most likely return to the lineup today. Sorry. We’ve got no sympathy for the Duke of the royal MLB Whiner’s Court.

A-hole #2 (aka: Jose Reyes. Until he proves himself as being the player he once was, he’ll remain A-hole #2) returned to the lineup on Wednesday. Look at that. Round of applause for going back to work. Hoorah. Reyes has been out due to elevated thyroid hormone levels. It is still a question weather or not he will be able to play on opening day but it's still progress. Reyes states that he has been following directions (a huge step for Reyes, as far as we’re concerned) and doing everything that he’s told. For example, he has been instructed to stay away from seafood, mostly shellfish, as well as Chinese food. They believe that this may have been the cause for his elevated levels. Looks like no lunch special #5 for Reyes. Boo hoo.

With just over a week to go before the start of the baseball season, Joe Girardi finally revealed that Phil Hughes will take on the role of the Yankees’ fifth starter. Hughes managed to beat out Joba Chamberlain, Alfredo Aceves, Sergio Mitre, and Chad Gaudin, who was released yesterday. His improved change up is what supposedly tipped the scales in his favor and we all know how Serena simply loves a good change up (why do you think she’s remained loyal to Zito for so long? DON’T say his good looks). Now if only Hughes could imitate Zito’s curve ball. Whooooooo! Serena just might slap him (in a good, loving way, not an abusive, scary, he better get a restraining order kind of way). Hughes’ hard work paid off and this is why he is this week’s Super Hero of the Week!

After spending most of his preseason visiting doctors and performing exercises to relieve his ailing back, Orioles’ second baseman, Brian Roberts, will at long last see some action in his first spring training game tonight when the Orioles take on the Twins. Roberts hopes to start in the Orioles’ season opener against the Rays on April 6th.

Our last tid bit of news involves a man that might actually bump Carlos Beltran from his title of A-hole #1. Shocking, we know. Apparently, Milton Bradley (just typing his name right there brings a snarl to our lips), compares himself to Kanye West and Ron Artest, saying “in baseball, they’ve got Milton Bradley. I’m that guy. You need people like me so you can point your finger and go, ‘There goes the bad guy.’” First of all, why are you an idiot who consistently refers to himself in the third person? Second of all, why is this stigma something you’re proud of? We don’t need another dirt bag in professional sports. You’re giving it to us out of your own free will. Sorry, Milton, but we’re all stocked up here. Bradley’s already been ejected twice in 3 Mariners spring games last week. Really, dude? The season hasn’t even started. What the hell are you doing? Hopefully, being around a class act like Ken Griffey Jr. will straighten him up. Perhaps Griffey can teach Bradley the fine art of minding his manners and keeping his damn mouth shut! Here’s a tip, Milton: Maybe if you kept your mouth shut and just played ball, you wouldn’t have to be the Kanye West of baseball. If Griffey can turn Bradley into a quasi-gentleman, we’ll dub him Super Hero of the YEAR!

In honor of Super Hero of the Week, Phil Hughes, we’re parting ways with you to the fine words of Phil Collins (even though the original is technically by Diana Ross): “you can't hurry baseball. Oh, you just have to wait. Baseball season comes in April and it's a game of give or take. How long must we wait? How much more can we take before loneliness will cause our heart to break?”