He’s Going the Distance

With the close of the trade deadline, we asked you what type of moves you’d make to improve your team if you were a team executive. Of 7 votes, there was a 3-way tie. No one voted for Brad Ziegler. Apparently people are prejudiced against redheads, which we suppose is the origin of the phrase, “red-headed stepchild.”Only 1 individual voted for gourmet hot dogs. Clearly, this person received an education from MIT because he/she is brilliant. 2 people actually took this poll seriously and voted for offense, 2 like dinosaurs (apparently, Serena’s love for Jurassic Park is starting to rub off on the public) and 2 want the Dodgers, Cubs, and Yankees to research the potential for a mascot. Bunch of furries, you are.

For any of you interested in an update regarding our future with AJ Burnett, you’ll notice that he pitched like a real NTAC against the Blue Jays earlier this week. Clearly, he’s still working on that whole “consistency” problem he has, which means he’s going to continue living alone in his new 1-bedroom apartment in Flushing. It’s within walking distance of Citi Field ironically enough.

To thank us for our Fred K’s Cancer fundraising efforts, the Sean Kimerling Testicular Cancer Foundation invited us to their 7th Annual Celebrity Golf Tournament & Dinner at the Muttontown Country Club on Monday. We’re so excited! We’re actually going to dress like girls for once and hope to rub elbows with Ron Darling. We’ll be posting pictures of the event to the Fred K’s Cancer site sometime next week and to Facebook. Unless we look fugly. Then we’re deleting them and never speaking of them again.

We’re positive that you’ve heard about Alex Rodriguez’s 600th home run by now. If not, that’s extremely impressive. Do you live in a padded cell without access to media? Is Elvis there? Do you speak to Kurt Cobain? Do you see spots? The home run was hit 3 years to the day he hit his 500th home run, which is a bit weird and cosmic, if you ask us. He became the 7th player and youngest to accomplish this feat, launching it off of Toronto’s Shaun Marcum in the first inning on Wednesday.

This may sound selfish, but we were kind of hoping that he’d continue to be productive, but hold off on hitting the home run until we got there on 8/31. We figured that he could celebrate with us by taking us to Serendipity 3 for desserts. We’d have a contest to see who could finish more of their Forbidden Broadway Sundae and we’d laugh about how a man AROD’s size couldn’t compete with our appetites. Then we’d lightly wipe the little spot of fudge from his chin with a napkin. Oh, that AROD. He tells the funniest jokes. Imagine the pictures we could’ve taken. Oh, well.

We’ve already heard the “asterisk” jokes because he admitted to using steroids during his stint with the Rangers, but we haven’t seen any asterisks next to Bonds’ record yet, so maybe all of you Debbie Downers should shut your filthy mouths already. AROD, in the highly intelligent words of one Atlanta Housewife, “let your haters be your motivators.” You’re a TBB Super Hero of the Week in our book.

Baseball Note (yes, the singular): An MRI on Thursday confirmed that Kevin Youkilis has a torn muscle in his right thumb. He’ll undergo season-ending surgery today. What’s that, Red Sox? Another one bites the dust (and another gone and another one gone. Another one bites the dust)?

COMING NEXT WEEK: Have you forgotten? Next Saturday is Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! Stay tuned for awe-inspiring photos brought to you by Serena and Clip Art. Due to the economy and the fact that our company was moving in another direction, we had to part ways with Tech Support, therefore Serena has taken over the blog’s photography duties. We have no doubt that you’ll enjoy them.

“Tim Lincecum’s Day is back and we’re gonna get excited! Hey now! Hey now! Tim Lincecum’s Day is back!”