Sunday, March 31, 2013

It's So Close, We Can Almost Smell The Sausage

So 1 person voted on our poll, which asked if you were totally sure you wanted more video. This 1 buffoon said, yes. This is not adequate feedback. Now what are we supposed to do? Take more video? Don't take more video? Flip you off? Feed you pancakes? What. Are. We. Supposed. To. Do?

As you are well aware, Monday is Opening Day for the both of us, which means next Sunday, you'll be receiving two solo posts and 0 together posts. Get over it. You'll love it. Because then the following week, you might get a video, but we're not promising anything. We're still not over the fiasco of last week. Here's how it's going to go down on Opening Day. We will both try to twat somewhat regularly from the game. We will distinguish our twats by prefacing them with our names. And for those of you out there doing it (and you know who you are), STOP imagining tattoos in naughty places. We're talking about our Twatter account (@TravelingBBabes). If you are in either of the houses (Citi Field or Yankees Stadium), message us, twat us, find us, whatever, take a picture with us and we'll sign your boobs. If you're at Citi Field, you might get to shake Papa L.'s hand as he begs you to marry his oldest daughter. If you're at Yankees Stadium, you get to meet Old Man Ed, who is not Serena's grandfather, but he could be. He probably won't ask you to marry Serena, but there'll most likely be a penetration joke thrown in there somewhere. He fancies himself quite the pimp daddy at the ripe age of 4 billion.

Fantasy baseball season is upon us again. Get ready to hear a lot of nonsense about The Asstastic Bunch and Tigers Love Pepper. The exciting news is that we managed to recruit one of our awesome TBB readers to join our league! It's gonna be AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-MAZING!

This week's baseball notes:
Justin Verlander landed a record-breaking contract extension this week. With his 5-year extension valued at $180 million, the Tigers have guaranteed that Verlander will be in Detroit through 2019 and possibly 2020 (who can even comprehend these years right now??). It's become clear that Serena will have to move in order to make their relationship work, which is incredibly inconvenient seeing as how she just moved. And the Christmas boxes still haven't made it into the attic.

The Tigers aren't the only team throwing the big bucks around. The Giants secured Buster Posey yesterday for another 8 years and $167 million. He's 26 years old and he's worth more than the two of us, our cars, our internet machines, and our sense of humors combined. And we thought our sense of humor was priceless. This is incredibly depressing.

In more depressing news, Johan Santana will most likely not be making another start as a Met...ever...again. On Thursday, the Mets announced that Santana had re-torn his left shoulder capsule. This is the second time Santana has suffered this injury in 3 years. What is he doing that this keeps happening? Is he lifting David Ortiz as part of his bullpen warmup? What the sh*t?

For those of you celebrating, we hope you enjoyed your Passover and to anyone else, have a Happy Easter!


  1. nothing goes together better than sausage and twats.

    risky business giving pitchers huge bucks for a lot of years...just look to Johan Santana. Gonna be getting $25 million this year and probably another $5 million with his buy out for 2014. I suspect Zack Greinke will be next up on the "I got a big contract" pitching fail list.

    1. You mean kind of like Zito? Can we get a whomp, whomppppppppp?

  2. Another video of you 2 doing that little dance would be great.

  3. whomp, whomppppppppp.

    more cowgill!

  4. Just for the record, I'd like pancakes and more videos. Jus' sayin'. As for Verlander, this is the MLB world we live in...if the Tigers hadn't ante'd up, another team would have, and Detroit fans would pissed. I hope you girls had a great time on opening day. Our first game is next week, if we don't get snowed out.

    1. Don't worry. Our Opening Day blog posts will not fail to excite you.

      As for Verlander, he's just playing hard to get.