So 1 person voted on our poll, which asked if you were totally sure you wanted more video. This 1 buffoon said, yes. This is not adequate feedback. Now what are we supposed to do? Take more video? Don't take more video? Flip you off? Feed you pancakes? What. Are. We. Supposed. To. Do?
As you are well aware, Monday is Opening Day for the both of us, which means next Sunday, you'll be receiving two solo posts and 0 together posts. Get over it. You'll love it. Because then the following week, you might get a video, but we're not promising anything. We're still not over the fiasco of last week. Here's how it's going to go down on Opening Day. We will both try to twat somewhat regularly from the game. We will distinguish our twats by prefacing them with our names. And for those of you out there doing it (and you know who you are), STOP imagining tattoos in naughty places. We're talking about our Twatter account (@TravelingBBabes). If you are in either of the houses (Citi Field or Yankees Stadium), message us, twat us, find us, whatever, take a picture with us and we'll sign your boobs. If you're at Citi Field, you might get to shake Papa L.'s hand as he begs you to marry his oldest daughter. If you're at Yankees Stadium, you get to meet Old Man Ed, who is not Serena's grandfather, but he could be. He probably won't ask you to marry Serena, but there'll most likely be a penetration joke thrown in there somewhere. He fancies himself quite the pimp daddy at the ripe age of 4 billion.
Fantasy baseball season is upon us again. Get ready to hear a lot of nonsense about The Asstastic Bunch and Tigers Love Pepper. The exciting news is that we managed to recruit one of our awesome TBB readers to join our league! It's gonna be AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-MAZING!
This week's baseball notes:
Justin Verlander landed a record-breaking contract extension this week. With his 5-year extension valued at $180 million, the Tigers have guaranteed that Verlander will be in Detroit through 2019 and possibly 2020 (who can even comprehend these years right now??). It's become clear that Serena will have to move in order to make their relationship work, which is incredibly inconvenient seeing as how she just moved. And the Christmas boxes still haven't made it into the attic.
The Tigers aren't the only team throwing the big bucks around. The Giants secured Buster Posey yesterday for another 8 years and $167 million. He's 26 years old and he's worth more than the two of us, our cars, our internet machines, and our sense of humors combined. And we thought our sense of humor was priceless. This is incredibly depressing.
In more depressing news, Johan Santana will most likely not be making another start as a Met...ever...again. On Thursday, the Mets announced that Santana had re-torn his left shoulder capsule. This is the second time Santana has suffered this injury in 3 years. What is he doing that this keeps happening? Is he lifting David Ortiz as part of his bullpen warmup? What the sh*t?
For those of you celebrating, we hope you enjoyed your Passover and to anyone else, have a Happy Easter!
Showing posts with label Buster Posey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Buster Posey. Show all posts
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Passing Time Between Baseball Seasons
Last week, Lisa provided you with comprehensive evidence as to why TOWSNBN should just pony up, be a man, and give her some TLC. Based on the poll results, we've figured that you don't really hate us at all. All 5 of you said that he should meet Lisa ("GOD! What's his problem?"). No one selected, "No, I think it's time for Lisa to be committed." This was very supportive of you. It boosted her self esteem by a whopping 1%. What's clear to us now is that you actually hate Serena. That is why when we're together and offer you a poll about how amazing we are, you continue to select the options that hurt our feelings. It's a good thing that Serena is a professional drinker or else she'd have nothing to drown her sadness in. So f*ck you, b*tches!
Behold...the offseason. The awards have been given out. The champagne drunk. People of importance have woken up in beds next to strange people by mistake. And as usual, we were not invited to any of the parties. In all honesty, we're starting to think our most frequently attended sports bars are starting to bemoan our presence. In one bar's defense, we DID inappropriately sniff one of the owners, which could be considered strange by some people. It wasn't our fault though. He smelled really good and the cologne was wafting across the bar at us, slithering toward us like a tantalizing and hypnotic cheesey gordita crunch (no baja sauce for Serena because she thinks it's creepy). It couldn't be helped. We're suckers for good cologne.
How to pass the time until pitchers and catchers report in February? We will share with you how we keep ourselves most occupied (most occupied, indeed).
Giants' Buster Posey and Tigers' Miguel Cabrera earned NL and AL MVP Awards this week. Cabrera beat Angels' Mike Trout to become the first player in 45 years to win the Triple Crown Award. Cy Young Awards were won by RA Dickey and David Price. Bryce Harper and Mike Trout won League Toddler of the Year Awards (there's a f*cking surprise...did either man even have competition in this contest?).
The Blue Jays have been busy little birds this offseason. The Jays kicked off the week by announcing that they completed a deal with the Marlins that included 12 players. Mark Buerhle, Jose Reyes, and Josh Johnson were among the players dealt to the Jays. In addition, there seems to be a deal in the works for Melky Cabrera. The 2-year contract would pay Cabrera $16 million to hopefully not take performance enhancing drugs.
Elsewhere, Torii Hunter signed a 2-year contract with the Tigers worth $26 million. New York free agents still up for grabs are as follows: Hiroki Kiroda, Nick Swisher, Mariano Rivera, Rafael Soriano, Ichiro Suzuki, Russell Martin, Tim Byrdak, Ronny Cedeno, Eric Chavez, Pedro Feliciano, Freddy Garcia, Scott Hairston, Raul Ibanez, Andruw Jones, Derek Lowe, Andy Pettitte, Ramon Ramirez, Jon Rauch, and Kelly Shoppach.
133 days until Opening Day, people. After much consideration, we've decided that we will be escorting each other to our respective teams' opening days rather than run around begging people to go with us when they really don't want to...and then not getting our way when we get to the game. Be prepared for some pre-game festivities that may or may not include video feed. You're so excited. We know.
Everyone enjoy your Turkey Day and Black Friday experiences. We're hoping to pick up Josh Hamilton for relatively cheap.
Behold...the offseason. The awards have been given out. The champagne drunk. People of importance have woken up in beds next to strange people by mistake. And as usual, we were not invited to any of the parties. In all honesty, we're starting to think our most frequently attended sports bars are starting to bemoan our presence. In one bar's defense, we DID inappropriately sniff one of the owners, which could be considered strange by some people. It wasn't our fault though. He smelled really good and the cologne was wafting across the bar at us, slithering toward us like a tantalizing and hypnotic cheesey gordita crunch (no baja sauce for Serena because she thinks it's creepy). It couldn't be helped. We're suckers for good cologne.
How to pass the time until pitchers and catchers report in February? We will share with you how we keep ourselves most occupied (most occupied, indeed).
- Football. Football gives us an opportunity to eat an entire day/evening and an excuse to eat wings and drink too much on Monday and Thursday nights. We understand that we drink too much on most nights, but it's more healthy to have something to blame your drinking on. It means you're not alcoholic. You're a social drinker. People love social drinkers because they're so much fun. It's not YOUR fault that the NFL scheduled a game for EVERY Monday. You weren't involve with the scheduling. Now they've got games on Thursdays too. The NFL is practically begging you to be an alcoholic.
- Talk about all of the different runs you're going to register for this year in an effort to lead a healthier lifestyle and score free goodie bags. Thankfully, these runs really don't start April, so there's no reason for you to start training yet. You've got plenty of time to continue to be fat and lazy.
- Holiday fun stuff. Each year, we go into the City to enjoy all of its beautiful holiday greatness: ice cream sundaes at Serendipity 3, ice skating at Wolman Rink, the tree at Rockefeller Center, and behave like a-holes at FAO Schwartz. Good times.
- Gambling keeps you warm at night. Every year we travel to Foxwoods to meet our friend, Maria for boozing and gambling. Oftentimes, Lisa gambles away our gas money. When we can't get away, Serena pulls out her poker table top and we have card night with Brother and his friends...because it seems as if Brother's friends are the only male beings that want to spend any time with us.
- Continue checking the ESPN Free Agent Tracker for updates regarding key players.
- Plan the 2013 Stadium Tour. Arizona/Texas, here we come! Yee-haw!
- Spend an inordinate amount of time in Serena's bed watching television. Sometimes we talk about how we're going to start getting back into shape and dieting..."soon."
- Plan next year's Halloween costume. Velma and Daphne will be tough to top, but we ARE borderline professionals.
- Discuss who we will take with us to Disney in December, if anyone, seeing as how we won Disney park hopper passes for best Halloween costume...at least that's the rumor Mama Leone keeps spreading.
- Spend Danny's money. He seems so eager to give it away. He's not really funny and he's a Ginger, so he likes to spend a lot of time with us because we're so funny and non-Ginger like.
Giants' Buster Posey and Tigers' Miguel Cabrera earned NL and AL MVP Awards this week. Cabrera beat Angels' Mike Trout to become the first player in 45 years to win the Triple Crown Award. Cy Young Awards were won by RA Dickey and David Price. Bryce Harper and Mike Trout won League Toddler of the Year Awards (there's a f*cking surprise...did either man even have competition in this contest?).
The Blue Jays have been busy little birds this offseason. The Jays kicked off the week by announcing that they completed a deal with the Marlins that included 12 players. Mark Buerhle, Jose Reyes, and Josh Johnson were among the players dealt to the Jays. In addition, there seems to be a deal in the works for Melky Cabrera. The 2-year contract would pay Cabrera $16 million to hopefully not take performance enhancing drugs.
Elsewhere, Torii Hunter signed a 2-year contract with the Tigers worth $26 million. New York free agents still up for grabs are as follows: Hiroki Kiroda, Nick Swisher, Mariano Rivera, Rafael Soriano, Ichiro Suzuki, Russell Martin, Tim Byrdak, Ronny Cedeno, Eric Chavez, Pedro Feliciano, Freddy Garcia, Scott Hairston, Raul Ibanez, Andruw Jones, Derek Lowe, Andy Pettitte, Ramon Ramirez, Jon Rauch, and Kelly Shoppach.
133 days until Opening Day, people. After much consideration, we've decided that we will be escorting each other to our respective teams' opening days rather than run around begging people to go with us when they really don't want to...and then not getting our way when we get to the game. Be prepared for some pre-game festivities that may or may not include video feed. You're so excited. We know.
Everyone enjoy your Turkey Day and Black Friday experiences. We're hoping to pick up Josh Hamilton for relatively cheap.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
While We Were Away
Well, we’re back and despite being exhausted from our flight (and sitting near a pack of hairy a-holes), we’re being real troopers and giving you this week’s baseball notes and poll results. A lot happened while we were away and since our Target Field post (which you’ll get tomorrow morning) would be an inappropriate location to discuss these happenings, we’re posting it a separate blog here.
First, our poll results. We asked you if you thought we’d fall out of the canoe in Lake Calhoun. 4 of you felt that we would because we “don’t seem to be very good at anything, let alone doing physical activities.” Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence. We’ll have you know that we didn’t even make it to Lake Calhoun because of bad weather!! A little something called a “tornado.” You may have heard of it. The Midwest has been getting hit left and right with them. 1 person thinks that we “should stick to the dragon paddle boats in Baltimore because it seems safer for us.” Thanks…we think. Are you genuinely concerned for us or implying that we’re idiots? No one felt that we’d be fine. That the canoes would be large enough to hold our fat asses. What the hell? How could no one think that?
Now for actual baseball news. While we recovered from a long night on the Minneapolis town AND an excruciating flight to Milwaukee on a Tinker Toy airplane, Mariano Rivera made his 1,000 appearance with one team. Impressive, isn’t it?
The Phillies defeated the Reds in a 19-inning marathon on Wednesday night that lasted into the early hours of morning 5-4. The best part of the win is that Wilson Valdez, a second baseman, earned the victory that night (or morning?). Valdez became the first player since Babe Ruth in 1921 to start a game in the field and later earn the win in relief.
In a collision with Marlins’ Scott Cousins at home plate during the 12th inning on Thursday night’s game at AT&T Park, Buster Posey suffered a fractured bone in his left leg. It is unclear as to when Posey will be able to return to lineup.
Fred Wilpon has announced that he’s sold less than 49% of the Mets to David Einhorn, President of Greenlight Capital, Inc. The sale will allow the Mets to pay back debts owed to MLB. Apparently, Wilpon’s also been running his mouth off about his Triumvirate (Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, and David Wright) in The New Yorker. We’re kind of sad we missed this to be quite frank.
First, our poll results. We asked you if you thought we’d fall out of the canoe in Lake Calhoun. 4 of you felt that we would because we “don’t seem to be very good at anything, let alone doing physical activities.” Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence. We’ll have you know that we didn’t even make it to Lake Calhoun because of bad weather!! A little something called a “tornado.” You may have heard of it. The Midwest has been getting hit left and right with them. 1 person thinks that we “should stick to the dragon paddle boats in Baltimore because it seems safer for us.” Thanks…we think. Are you genuinely concerned for us or implying that we’re idiots? No one felt that we’d be fine. That the canoes would be large enough to hold our fat asses. What the hell? How could no one think that?
Now for actual baseball news. While we recovered from a long night on the Minneapolis town AND an excruciating flight to Milwaukee on a Tinker Toy airplane, Mariano Rivera made his 1,000 appearance with one team. Impressive, isn’t it?
The Phillies defeated the Reds in a 19-inning marathon on Wednesday night that lasted into the early hours of morning 5-4. The best part of the win is that Wilson Valdez, a second baseman, earned the victory that night (or morning?). Valdez became the first player since Babe Ruth in 1921 to start a game in the field and later earn the win in relief.
In a collision with Marlins’ Scott Cousins at home plate during the 12th inning on Thursday night’s game at AT&T Park, Buster Posey suffered a fractured bone in his left leg. It is unclear as to when Posey will be able to return to lineup.
Fred Wilpon has announced that he’s sold less than 49% of the Mets to David Einhorn, President of Greenlight Capital, Inc. The sale will allow the Mets to pay back debts owed to MLB. Apparently, Wilpon’s also been running his mouth off about his Triumvirate (Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, and David Wright) in The New Yorker. We’re kind of sad we missed this to be quite frank.
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