Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Obviously, since it's the most holy day of the year, you're not getting an intensive on baseball today. We're sorry, but that's the way the calendar fell this year. Hello? Do we need to remind you about what happened last year? This year we're going to our first St. Patrick's Day parade, which is very exciting. Lisa is going to be surrounded on all sides by Serena's people...and a few people who wishes they were her people. Another first for us this year is that Serena has become an accidental ginger. So now she REALLY looks Irish. Thankfully, it's not fire crotch red. That would be a tragedy.
Last week, we finally gave you the burpee video you've been waiting for. Apparently, it was a big success because you want more videos of us. Facebook fan, Mark, even suggested we film our predictions for the upcoming season. We decided that this was an excellent suggestion, but of course, we can't just give you something straightforward. We're a-holes. We're going to turn this into a mockery. You'll love it. Anyway, we asked you if you liked our blooper reel or "serious" burpee video better. Turns out that all whopping 3 of you liked the blooper better. Why did we even bother with the other one?
TOWSNBN managed to hurt himself during the fake Olympics like a real a-hole. He strained his left intercoastal muscle (they seriously could've described this injury in lameman's terms instead of being douchebags about it) and now he doesn't even know if he'll be ready for Opening Day. Well, guess what, TOWSNBN? You're a d*ck. But everyone else on the planet thinks you and Derek Jeter's farts smell like honeysuckle. We know better. And you've upset Lisa, so now you're paying for lunch and all of the beer we drink today.
The Yankees have officially signed outfielder Brennan Boesch in a deal worth $1.5 million. Boesch was recently released from the Tigers. Lisa recently commented that Serena's reaction was very indecisive. Probably because Serena had him playing for Tigers Love Pepper last fantasy season and his output was very indecisive!!!! If he doesn't get his sh*t together, Serena is going to start calling him Brenda.
That's all, folks. It's time for our shot of Jameson, a slice of Irish soda bread with butter, and Denis Leary's Irish Drinking Song.