The 2014 Damon Runyon 5K

Today we ran in our third Damon Runyon 5K and all things considered, we did pretty well. We only worked out twice to prepare for this day and we still managed to finish in about 30 minutes or so. We even had an actual team member with us, which is always exciting. Stephanie also wore the shirt and hair ribbon that we demanded she wear. Before we get into the great things that WE accomplished today, let's do a brief recap of the event's success:

"New York, NY (August 3, 2014) — More than 2,300 baseball fans, runners, walkers, cancer survivors, and their friends and family gathered at Yankee Stadium on Sunday, August 3^rd for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation’s sixth annual Runyon 5K.

One of New York’s most unique summer events, the Runyon 5K is the only charitable run/walk that uses the iconic Stadium as its course. This year’s event raised more than $500,000 – and counting – for the nonprofit’s groundbreaking efforts to strike out cancer. Since inception, the event has raised more than $3.5 million dollars.

Runners were welcomed to the Stadium by Damon Runyon President and CEO Lorraine Egan, U.S. Congressman José E. Serrano, WNBC 4 reporter Brynn Gingras, and Yankees enthusiast and Bleacher Creature leader “Bald Vinny.”

“Over the past six years, the proceeds from the Runyon 5K have allowed us to fund amazing cancer researchers doing incredible work,” Egan said. "Our 5K participants have made breakthroughs possible – it’s as simple as that.”

Runners were welcomed by a video – displayed on the centerfield video board – greeting from the Official Ambassador, Yankees center fielder Brett Gardner. The event's top fundraiser will win a chance to meet Gardner and two tickets to the game."

You can still support the Damon Runyon 5K by pledging a donation...to our team preferably. Next year, if you're local, we insist that you do this run. For the good of your soul, cancer research, your ass/thighs, and for your stomach (because they have the best snacks ever). This video will give you a snippet of what it's like, but it conveniently leaves out any reference to the stairs.

We miraculously arrived at the Stadium an hour and a half in advance, which is unheard of for us. Probably because we had Stephanie to keep us on task. If it was up to us, we probably would've stopped for coffee and the bathroom 3 more times than we actually did. As you can see in this photo, it looked like we were heading into a monsoon.

Once we arrived, we checked in, picked up our bibs and filled out our tribute cards. We choose to run for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation in honor of Lisa's Fred #2 and Serena's Mamadukes, Mema, and Fred #1.

Do you see those sexy, colorful ribbons in our hair? You want them, don't you? They were custom made for us by Lisa's friend, Kerry. You want sexy, colorful ribbons for yourself? Message us and we'll put you in touch with the mastermind. She may even give you a discount. Like 5% or some sh*t. Or a free taco with purchase.

Since we were early, we decided to watch the first wave lap the field from the Delta Skybox.

We got wind that we might be able to hop onto an earlier heat, so we ran downstairs to hit that shit. We took our traditional pre-race selfie just before horn sounded.

And then we were off! First, two laps around the 100 level. Serena always high-fives Don Mattingly's number near Monument Park. Perhaps one day soon, she will high-five Bernie's. *Hint, hint* Here we are running on the field like Olympic track stars:

Having already done two Runyon 5K's, we knew the drill. Watch for sneaky photographers and make sure you smile. We've had far too many stinky eye pictures. We explained all of this to Stephanie while rounding the warning track. How do you think we did?

Once off the warning track, it was time to face the true horror of this race: stairs. 4 million stairs to be exact. Lisa counted. We must've had two epic race training days because it wasn't as terrible as it had been in the past. Don't misunderstand. The stairs were terrible and they symbolize everything that's evil in this world, but they just weren't as bad as usual. Running high school bleachers two times really paid off.

After the race, we received medals for being the most fashionable runners there. We accepted these awards as humbly as possible.

As usual, the post-race spread was simply stellar. Cheese, bagels, bananas, yogurt, healthy snack bars. We stuffed ourselves and after parting ways with Stephanie, stopped and got smoothies. Then we napped. Before blogging, we felt that we needed some protein and "brain food" to blog, so we stopped at Taco Bell and ordered about $10 of food. Per person. Now here we are. The End. Til' next year.

2013 Damon Runyon 5K

We've survived another Damon Runyon 5K and now we're here to tell the tale. We know that we insisted that we were going to die during this race, but we swear the stairs at Yankee Stadium are killer. Truth be told, there should be fewer fat Yankee fans out there with this friggin' stadium being constructed on an empire of staircases. Lisa's knee and calf hurts and it's pretty much official that Serena's knee injury from the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field in April is a permanent fixture in her life. She is now a person with "bad knees." A person who complains that she knows it's going to rain because her knee hurts. She's one step below arthritis. It may be her meniscus ("Baby, I don't even know what a meniscus is!"). But our medical advice comes from Wiki and WebMD, so we probably shouldn't be trusted when it comes to diagnoses.

By this point, you're probably wondering why two individuals as whiny and lazy as we are would want to run a 5K that includes millions and millions and millions of stairs. Yes, running the warning track at Yankee Stadium is definitely a draw, but really, we've already done that at last year's event. It's checked off the bucket list. We don't NEED to do it again. The Damon Runyon 5K raises money for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation and as many of you who've been following our blog/Facebook page for a long time know, we founded our own charity, Fred K's Cancer, in honor of our dads, The Freds, who were both diagnosed with cancer. Fred #1 (aka: Ahne) was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2008 while Fred #2 (aka: Leone) was diagnosed with oral cancer in 2003. Serena also runs for her family members who have battled breast cancer.

Unlike last year, the sky was overcast. Thank god. You have no idea how hot it is on the field with the sun beating down on you like a suffocating boyfriend. It's oppressive and it causes you to question the reason you're with that person to begin with.

The event ambassador for this year's event was Brett Gardner, but since he's in Boston for the series finale tonight, we were unable to stalk him. It's best that he wasn't present because he probably would've finished the race in 10 minutes, making us feel bad about ourselves. Again. But then, we think about all of the medals we've earned for races we've done little to no training for and we remember how amazing we are. And we're back to being delusionally arrogant.

"Bald Vinny" Milano of The Bleacher Creatures was the race's official starter. Unfortunately, because we can't get anywhere on time to save ourselves, we missed the race start. Whomp, whomp. We arrived at the stadium a full hour before our heat was scheduled to go and after picking up our bibs, headed up to the Legends Suite to watch the first of the runners to lap the field.

 

We returned downstairs to stand on line and wait for our heat to begin at around 10. We took what's becoming a traditional picture with a person in the background being disappointed in himself for not being as awesome as we are. Head bowed in shame.

And THEN we were inside!

A video clip of our wave getting pumped to start the race of joint death.

 

The best part of the race is, hands down, when you get to run on the field.

Lisa tried to get a picture of Serena running on the field and accidentally took a picture of the woman running behind Serena instead. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Oh, there's Serena:

Lisa:

 

Here's a video clip of us running along the warning track. Super exciting, right?

 

The worst part? STAIRS! Just when you think the Yankees couldn't possibly have any more stairs, you find another nook of stairs on your second lap to the 200/300 level of the stadium. We think that maybe one of the staircases at Yankee Stadium is the secret portal that transports you to Middle Earth. That's why you have to climb so many.

Somehow, Serena lost Lisa again near the second staircase. One minute Lisa was there, the next...gone. Lisa told Serena later that there was a staircase pileup. A body fender bender, if you will. As a result, we didn't get to cross the finish line together, but Serena managed to hang around and snap a photo of Lisa crossing the finish line.

An important life lesson was learned at today's 5K and that is "always wear sunglasses to your 5K's so that your photos come out less heinous." 

As you can see we got another medal, which makes us feel important and gives us high self-esteem. Like last year, we are actively blogging while wearing them. Serena is actually wearing both of her Damon Runyon medals because they're filling her with the warmth of true joy, which with the way the Yankees have been playing, has been a long time coming.

Oh, and by the way, they gave us bagels and water like a proper 5K should. They also gave us cheese, yogurt, and chips, so now we're spoiled 5K brats. Future 5K's beware. Damon Runyon has set the bar high for post-race snacks.

 

Tomorrow, we will wear our medals to work. Serena starts her day off bright and early training a client. It's their first appointment together so the medal is sure to intimidate her client into thinking that Serena's a former Olympic champion. From her client, she will drive to her proper job that offers health benefits and a 401K plan. She will change into proper corporate attire and sit at her desk wearing her medal and email with Lisa, who will also be wearing her medal. Together, we will pontificate on how amazing and legendary we are and wonder why no one likes us and why men aren't knocking down the door to meet/feed us.

 

Obviously, we're the Super Heroes of the Week and obviously, stairs are the A-holes of the Week. Good day!

10 Reasons Why We'd Never Survive a Marathon Baseball Game

Let's get this out of the way up front. We're not covering the steroids bullsh*t. We're so over this. It's not like they've released new, shocking names like TOWSNBN or Brett Gardner. It's the same crap over and over and over again. It's like watching Old Yeller more than once. The dog still dies at the end! The ending doesn't change no matter how many times you watch it and wish it did!

Brief intermission: Serena's iTunes just shuffled Damn Yankees (oh, how fitting) "High Enough" and we felt compelled to burst into song with some awesome, enthusiastic 80's dance moves. 

Last night, the Mets lost to the Marlins 2-1 in a 20-inning marathon game. That's the length of more than 2 games. The Mets basically lost 2 games. Kevin Slowey and Shaun Marcum pitched 7-8 innings in relief, which is longer than most starting pitchers last on a normal day these days. The game lasted OVER 6 hours. Not as long as it took us to drive to and from DC last year for the Nats' game, but still pretty damn long. We probably would've needed a nap somewhere in there. Like the 11th inning. By the 13th or 14th inning, we would've been hurling insults at the players on the field. On both teams, let's be real. Marlin or Met, it would've made no difference. How hard it is it to score one damn run in TWENTY innings? It's sh*t like this that makes Lisa regret her decision last night. As much as we love baseball and close games, here's a list of reasons why sitting through a 20-inning game would be painful:
1. We get hungry often. To top it off, we eat a lot. 6 hours is a long time for us to go without food and food is extremely expensive at ballparks. We'd be broke by the end of the game. We'd probably spend our gas money on a hot dog.
2. If we spend our gas money on a hot dog, we'd be stranded at the ballpark.
3. We have undiagnosed ADD. We can't sit still for that long without breaks. We'd probably get it in our heads to go on a "really awesome" mission, which will most likely get us thrown out of the ballpark and onto the stadium's "LIST." You know what list we're talking about.
4. Unless you're sitting in the luxury boxes or the cushy expensive seats in field level, there isn't a single stadium that can boast seats comfortable enough for your ass survive 6 hours in.
5. They stop serving alcohol in the 7th! What a goddamn nightmare! 13 innings without unplanned additional booze?! It's like being stranded on a desert island without water!
6. Our smart phones are not equipped with the battery life to survive a 20-inning ordeal or Lisa's addiction to Candy Crush.
7. Swamp ass/breast sweat definitely would've gone into effect. It's June. Yesterday in particular was humid for New York. We probably would've made the mistake of wearing jeans and sneakers, so it would have been extra sticky and damp.
8. The extra hours spent at the ball park is time where we probably missed other cool shit happening. Like barbecues. Taco Bell. Pizza. Chipotle. Getting set up with an unemployed alcoholic with a passion for telling tall tales. Watching an Archer and/or The League marathon. Pretending to exercise. Googling 1980's music videos. Wearing Jesus Christ band-aids. Registering for more runs that we don't enjoy doing, but have really great gimmicks like medals. Runners love gimmicks.
9. There's absolutely no way your fantasy league starting pitcher is able to earn a complete game. Furthermore, if one of your starting pitchers who hadn't been scheduled to pitch, therefore you didn't start him, enters the game in relief, you've lost the opportunity to benefit from any points he might earn.
10. If your team loses, you leave the ballpark feeling like that's 6 hours of your life you'll never get back. Then you go home, drown your misery in Patron/Johnny/Jameson, and wake up without pants in some poor decision's bed, wondering why your life is such a fail.

Additional Baseball Notes:
Andy Pettitte notched his 250th career win yesterday over the Mariners, making him the 47th pitcher in MLB history to do so, all just one week shy of his 41st birthday. The Big Texan's son was also drafted by the Yankees in the 37th round of the draft this week, so there's a lot of joy in Pettitte-ville.

This isn't a very long, intense blog today for we are off to the Wanderlust Festival: Yoga in the City at Pier 63. Will post pictures. Either to Facebook, Twatter (@TravelingBBabes), or Instagram (also @TravelingBBabes). We're not sure. You'll need to follow us on all accounts just to be safe. Ohmmmmmm.

All-Star Ballot? Already?

Lisa is in Punta Cana right now, so I regret to inform you that you’ll be dealing with me alone today. I promise to be somewhat well-behaved. Last week, we asked you what you do with yourself when rain shuts down your baseball quality time. Only 3 people had any inclination to vote, which makes me think that we’re starting to lose you people. I realize that we’re a-holes and that a lot of the crap we write on this blog is complete nonsense, but really, we just want to make you laugh. Don’t you find us funny anymore? Did you ever find us funny? Anyway, all 3 folks claimed that they like to get f*cked up and pass out in the middle of the living room when there’s no baseball. This makes me think that we cater to the unique group of individuals known as “alcoholics.” No one chose, “watch a Real Housewives marathon on BRAVO,” “pick my nose (and this was truly a wise decision as I would’ve spent several paragraphs making fun of anyone who chose this option),” or “I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond.”

It’s hard for me to talk about what’s been going on in New York in terms of baseball because I haven’t been able to watch. Why? Cable’s been acting like a real NTAC (no talent a$$ clown), so while I’ve had access to the Real Housewives marathons on BRAVO (just what I need), I’ve had no access to SNY or YES (for those of you out-of-staters, SNY is the network home of the Mets and YES is the network home of the Yankees). I managed to catch the Brewers/Cardinals game on FOX yesterday afternoon, but needless to say, I’ve been quite frustrated with the fact that my only connection to the Mets and Yankees has been via baseball apps on my portable internet machine (the cell phone). However, a nice man showed up today and waved a weird-a$$ device around the apartment that I’m pretty sure the Ghostbusters used to catch Slimer and now I am enjoying YES for the first time all week.

If you’re registered with MLB.com like Lisa and I are, you probably receive at least 5 stupid emails a day. I received a disturbing one yesterday. MLB is already asking fans to vote for this year’s All Stars. How is this even possible? We’re still in the first month of the season. Personally, I feel that voting shouldn’t even begin until June. How could you possible rate players’ performances based on one month of duty? That’s ridiculous. That’s like my boss giving me my performance evaluation for this year now.

Of course, I’m bitching about this as if people aren’t going to vote for the same guys they vote for every year. Let me take a wild guess and say that 50% of the American League starting lineup will be made up of Yankees, 30% will be Red Sox players, and the remaining 20% will be a cocktail of the remaining teams. Oh, and duh, TOWSNBN will obviously be the starting thirdbaseman for the National League because god forbid we should vote someone else into that position. The sad thing is that one of the Yankees that should be considered an All Star will most likely won’t be an All Star because he’s not a big name like Curtis Granderson (this is in no way suggesting that Grandy shouldn’t be an All Star because he’s a fantastic athlete that can do just about anything—bunt, hit for average, hit for power, steal, field, maybe even cook a decent meal and do laundry) nor does he have a lovable, popular personality like Nick Swisher (again, I love Swish, but should he be the starting right fielder for the American League? No…unless, of course, you’re only taking into consideration his April performance). The player I’m talking about is Brett Gardner. Gardy does everything right. He works hard, gets the bunt down, he’s a phenomenal base runner in a time when base running as a skill has taken a giant dump (actually, come to think of it, bunting is another skill that has become a lost art), and he’s a fantastic left fielder! He really doesn’t get enough credit. Plus, even Lisa loves him. That should tell you something since the only other Yankee she is in love with is Derek Jeter. Unfortunately, unless you have the privilege of being able to watch the Yankees on a daily basis (or happen to be an avid fantasy follower), you probably don’t know who Gardy is and since you don’t know who he is, you’re never going to vote him onto the All Star team. It really is a shame.

The All Star ballot will be officially launched on Friday. Do the right thing, folks. Do the right thing.

Baseball notes!

Tim Lincecum continues to cultivate my utter adoration for him. He just doesn’t stop. I wish he would at this point. My affection for him can no longer be deemed healthy. He doesn’t even play in New York. I need to be in love with someone who plays for my team. Yesterday, Padres’ pitcher Anthony Bass carried a perfect game into the 6^th inning when lo and behold, Lincecum stepped up to the plate and ran out an infield single to short stop. Look at that skinny boy hustle down the line. Love that shit. As if that didn’t earn his pay check, the boy pitched 8 innings in the Giants’ 2-1 victory, giving up only 1 unearned run, striking out 5, and walking 4. The walks aren’t so sexy, but the good news is that Timmy looks to be returning to form.

Today, Braves’ fans will have the pleasure of seeing Tim Hudson make his 2012 debut after recovering from spinal fusion surgery. Even more good news is that the Braves could potentially get Brian McCann back for Monday night. McCann left Friday’s game early with a strained right intercostal muscle. I sincerely wish I could speak to that injury but I don’t even know what an intercostal muscle is…or what body part it’s attached to. For all I know, it’s something in his ear.

Michael Pineda is officially out for the season, requiring surgery to repair his torn anterior labral. Again, I wish I knew what this was, but based on what I’ve heard, I am pretty confident that this is something in his shoulder. Especially considering I don’t think Pineda has a vagina. This is probably an extremely inappropriate joke, but as I said earlier, Lisa isn’t here so I don’t have anyone keeping me in check.

If you hate Justin Verlander (and I don’t know how that’s possible seeing as how he loves Taco Bell), I dare you to watch this video and not become all squishy inside for him.

Lastly, anyone not rooting for a team in the NL East want to take a stab at who is leading the division? It’s not the Phillies or the Mets. It’s not even the Marlins, who talked a lot (and I mean, a lot) of shit this off-season. The Marlins, with their fancy new stadium, are in last place. The team leading the NL East is the Washington Nationals, followed closely by the Braves. What a shocker. Good for them. Shake things up in the east.  

Before I sign off, I just want to give folks the heads up that the 3^rd Annual Fred K’s Cancer Event has been relocated from Cantiague Park to Eisenhower Park (North Linden Picnic Area, Parking Field 6A) due to a scheduling mix-up on the part of Nassau County. We hope to see as many people as possible, so please join us on Saturday, June 23^rd, where you’ll get a chance to meet and walk with The Freds. You may even meet a few folks that are listed in the TBB Lingo & Cronies page of this blog. Also, if there is any way I can sell something of Lisa to you in order to convince you to come down, I’ll be more than happy to do that. She’s not here to defend herself, so I’m allowed to do this. I mean, I can’t sell her body to you or anything like that, but almost everything else is open for negotiations. Very exciting stuff. You can register to participate online here.  

Next week, Lisa will be back so there’ll be no vagina jokes. Swear.

-Serena