Yankees v Indians 9-18-21

Well, it's the middle of September already. Not that you'd know that from the sweaty gym balls-style weather that we've been having. We were looking forward to a pleasant outdoor experience during a late season baseball game. Instead, we've left the game with sun burns and suffering from dehydration. Probably didn't help that we started our afternoon off with wine instead of water, but that is not our fault. It should have been mid-70's at most and the Yankees shouldn't be selling souvenir carafes and wine glasses. It just spells trouble. 

Also, as you can see in this photo, we totally crushed the Don Mattingly bobblehead giveaway. This is largely thanks to Clear. That line was super quick compared to the rest of the security lines around the stadium AND due to an unwarranted amount of traffic for a mid-Saturday, we were totally late getting to the ballpark. So, anyone that tells you that the annual fee for Clear isn't worth it is a big, fat liar. They're lying to you and to themselves. Clear, we're ready for our paid sponsorship/advertising contract. Hit us up. 

We actually watched 4 innings of the game from this view because it was shaded and the temperature was much cooler here. Then we got hungry and foolishly decided to head up to our seats, thinking that the upper deck "always gets such a nice breeze." We got no such nice breeze, but we did go old school with our food selection - a nice, reliable spicy sausage and peppers sandwich. We've learned a few things over the years and the number 1, most important thing we learned is to not photograph yourself eating a sausage or a hot dog. Ever. It's horrifying. 

The Yankees took a giant sh*t on the field and called it a baseball game. They chose not to play today. Unfortunately, they didn't give us the option to not pay for our tickets. At least we got our bobbleheads. We received several offers from people requesting to buy it from us, but Serena felt that since it was Don Mattingly, it was a priceless artifact and Lisa's asking price was too high. The highest offer we got was $10, but Lisa held out for a Louis Vuitton bag. 

We decided that we needed ice cream, so we went in search of a Ben & Jerry's. The line at the stand in our section was personally offensive, so we decided to go downstairs to the main concourse, thinking we'd have more stands to choose from. We did not. The line in the food court was even worse, so we ended up on the Grand Slam Shake stand because no one was there. 

While tasty, it wasn't what we wanted, so it didn't really satisfy our cravings. Lisa got the cereal one and Serena got the celebration one. It was too hot to go back to our seats, so we ended up watching the rest of the sh*t show standing around the main concourse. Bunch of clowns. 

Yankees Opening Day 2021

 April 8, 2021

We hit hardly any traffic and parking was ample when we arrived for opening day at "Yankee Stadium."  When was the last time you heard anyone say that there was hardly any traffic in the Bronx? Never. There'll be an apocalypse before that actually happens. 

New York State has limited sports' venues to 20% capacity. Tickets to both opening days went to season ticket holders first and then it became a "Welcome to the First Annual Hunger Games" type of event in order to get your hands on tickets. As if getting tickets to opening day wasn't hard enough in past years. A quick check on StubHub put standing room only tickets at roughly $1,500/each. We have to emphasize this fact too: this price does not include a seat for your ass to sit in. And that's without taxes and service fees and all that junk. We tried. We really did. We tried and tried and tried to think of something that we loved enough to pay $2,000 for and it turns out, there's nothing. That's more than the cost of our 5-day vacation to San Francisco and Sonoma in June and that's including airfare, accommodations, and a private driver. Unless we're sitting in the dugout during the game and then going home with one of the players to have a slumber party afterwards, $2,000/each for one game is too much. Go to hell. And have a lovely day. 

This is the first opening day that we've missed in over 10 years. Again, why is there no bronze statue dedicated to us somewhere?

So, here we are. Faux-Yankee Stadium. Truthfully, we didn't hate it. Serena made ribs for the first time ever and she f*cking crushed it. She also prepared grass-fed burgers and grass-fed beef hot dogs. There was quite the spread and truthfully, we probably spent less on food and alcohol and we got way more than we typically do out of it. Unfortunately, we tried to eat all of it, but that's a different issue entirely. 

Another bonus was there were no bathroom lines or concession lines to deal with. Which also led to more drinking than usual. 

The view from our seats were unobstructed for the most part and ideal because we could see the field and the Yankees lose from every angle. 

Baby Emma was charming fellow fan. She kept to herself, remained quiet, and required cuddles occasionally, which we were happy to give her because look at her. She's the f*cking cutest. 

Unfortunately, there were a few rowdy fans in the "audience" and we had to put them in their place. 

Anyhoo, the Yankees lost  their home opener as usual. They did it in extra innings, so we're thankful that they wasted more of our time like that. The Mets didn't play because the Nationals decided they wanted to be a pack of COVID babies. 

And so brings us to the end of our baseball pandemic home opening week story. Stay tuned next week for the Mets' home opener. 

Happy Bernie Day!!!

So Mamadukes is epic because she bought Serena tickets to the Bernie Williams Retirement game. After a leisurely workout at Serena’s place of employment, we ate at Chipotle (to save money – even though we spent $15 each) and then headed to Yankee Stadium for the big night. We didn’t want to take any chances on the traffic front. It was Memorial Day weekend and even though it was a Sunday night, we recalled how several years ago, we went to a Yankees/Red Sox game on the Friday night before Memorial Day and it took us 4 hours to drive a distance that should’ve only taken 45 minutes. Max. We not only missed the first 3 innings of the game, but more importantly, we missed the free giveaway, which was a light up baseball pen.

Anyway, back to Bernie Williams. We arrived at the Stadium at 6:00 and this is what the line outside looked like:

Like the Yankees were giving away high class strippers and cocaine. We figured we’d “outsmart the system” by hanging out the Hard Rock Café bar and then sneak in through restaurant without standing on line. Well…after spending $20 on two beers (that weren’t even imports), we discovered that the restaurant entrance into the place wouldn’t open in time for the start of Bernie’s ceremony. So, as usual, additional proof of how we suck at life. 

 

After our beers, we got back on line, went through the metal detector for a second time, and finally got into the ballpark. The free giveaway was a Bernie Williams card thingy.

Mamadukes had us rolling in style this evening. We got to sit in cushy seats for the first time in the history of the Traveling Baseball Babes. 

We snapped a few pro-Bernie photos before the ceremony started.

 Before Bernie came onto the field, they retired his number in Monument Park.

He and his family traveled via golf cart to the area around home plate where he unveiled his Monument Park plaque and made a very important speech. Serena nearly cried.

Some noteworthy moments from the ceremony. Bernie’s mother is adorable. Andy and Tino are f*cking hot. Derek Jeter is balder than ever with a freshly waxed chest. He must go to the European Wax Center. He’s also very tan.

Bernie also threw out the ceremonial first pitch and thus ended the happy moments of the evening.

Following the ceremonial first pitch, the Yankees took a sh*t on the field instead of actively participating in a baseball game. They ruined #BernieDay. Bunch of ass clowns.

 

 We found these while leaving, which made us happy again: