Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Bloggers Formerly Known As The Traveling Baseball Babes

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day has come and gone. We hope you’ve all enjoyed it as much as we did. Begin the countdown til’ next year. We asked if you thought the day should become a nationally celebrated bank holiday. Only 4 people voted, but the worst part about the vote is that 3 of you actually voted for “Seriously. You get dumber each week you blog.” Only 1 individual chose, “You mean it’s not? I automatically don’t show up to work that day and since today is Sunday, I had planned on not going to the office tomorrow.” We’re pretty sure that Deo is the 1 individual. Let us tell you something, oh ass clown followers. If we get dumber each week, you become bigger a-holes. Suck on that.

During our recent trip to Colorado, we realized that perhaps calling ourselves the “Traveling Baseball Babes” was a little…how can we say it? Okay, it was a lie. A bold faced lie. We’re not babes. We don’t look like babes, we don’t act like babes. Honestly, the word “babes” was probably only chosen because it sounded good following the word, “baseball.” Even the word “baseball” has a loose connotation in this blog. Look at the stupid crap we have blogged about in the name of baseball. The letters we’ve written alone are enough to make most passionate baseball fans irate (“and these bitches call themselves baseball fans???”).

Because of this, we’re contemplating a name change. Famous people change their names all the time. John Mellencamp  or John Cougar or whatever he’s calling himself these days, Prince or the Artist Formerly Known As or some weird ass symbol, Sean Puffy Combs or PDiddy or Puff Daddy, The Rock or Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or simply Dwayne Johnson (really, dude? You’re The f’n Rock. Cut the crap). We’ve come up with the following choices (all with legit reasons):
1.  Traveling San Francisco Giants Fanatics - Let’s face it. We have a larger following in the Bay Area than we do in our own state and we manage to follow the Giants around the country without really trying to. Why bother rooting for the Yankees and Mets anymore? We might as well just make it a point to follow the Giants.
2. Traveling Tim Lincecum Ladies – We’ve retired his number, made him an Honorary TBB, and have created a fake holiday in his name. At this point, it’s the blog has become his. And we’ve become creepy. Also, we have somehow managed to see Tim Lincecum pitch more than Yankees or Mets pitcher. That is INSANE! The man doesn’t even play for our teams!! How is it that the tickets we buy that far in advance always end up with Tim Lincecum pitching? It’s like the stars are aligned.
3. Traveling Pastry Thieves – We’re not going to go into detail, but let’s just say that we may have walked out of an imitation-Panera with a coffee cake that we didn’t pay for.
4. Traveling Beer Belly Babes – C’mon. How many breweries did we visit during our most recent stadium trips? It’s a little disturbing. It makes a person wonder if we should just quit the baseball scene and stick to beer. No one will expect our bodies to be in shape (unless you count “round” a shape) if all we do is talk about beer. Other options for this title are Traveling Beer Babes and Traveling Booze Babes.
5. Traveling BBQ Babes – Granted, still sticking with the “babe” word, but we feel that combining “babe” with “BBQ” is more sarcastic than complimentary. Or we could be the Traveling BBQ Beasts.
6. Traveling Hair Hunters – Between Facial Hair blogs and letters to Barry Zito about his offensive porn stache, it’s quite clear that we pay more attention to players’ facial hair than we do to their athleticism…okay, that’s not entirely true, but we DO spend an awful lot of time talking about men’s hair. It’s weird.

Actual baseball-related fact:
Alex Rodriguez returned to the Yankees and Tigers Love Pepper lineups today. Chipper Jones is now a utility player on the Tigers Love Pepper lineup instead of the starting third baseman. Any lineup that has Chipper Jones as the “utility” player is a pretty decent lineup. Maybe Serena’s fantasy lineup will now proceed with the ass kicking as opposed to her pitching staff doing all of the heavy lifting. Take a moment to thank the Verlanders for birthing a man like Justin (who, speaking of Hair Hunters, probably has a beard grooming kit because goatee is kept in the name of perfection).

“Queens of baseball, not so much. We eat dinner at 6. Wear your stilettos. We thought we were covering baseball, but now we see that we don’t. A change could do us good. A change would do us good.”

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