So…Derek Jeter’s still not signed. We asked you what you thought the story was behind this whole fiasco. 5 of you believe that he and the Yankees are simply having a lovers’ quarrel. They’ll be back together in no time. No one thinks that he’s broken hearted and unable to get over the betrayal…at least enough to make the mistake of signing with the Red Sox. 3 of you are pretty confident that he could care less being that he’s rich. Rich enough to retire now and never have to get off the couch ever again. In fact, he’s so wealthy, that he doesn’t even have to get up to poop. He can either pay someone to clean him up or leave it because he’s rich and he’s allowed to do whatever he wants.
The Dodgers signed RHP Jon Garland to a 1-year $5 million contract this past weekend. The contract includes an $8 million club option for 2012, which would vest if he pitches more than 190 innings in 2011. Since 2002, Garland has started 292 games with 121 wins and 1,842 2/3 innings pitched. This ranks him 5th, 8th, and 9th respectively among big league pitchers. Garland will be the Dodgers 5th starter.
Last week, we reported on a rumor about Victor Martinez moving to Tigers and it appears that this time, one of our rumors is actually true. We swear we didn’t make this one up. We know we lie to you regularly, but this time, this story is valid. He’ll earn $50 million over the course of 4 seasons.
According to a source (again…not us), Mariano Rivera will continue to close for the Yankees for the next 2 seasons. The contract is rumored to be worth $30 million. This is a man who has just turned 41 years old. We hope that when we’re 41, our CEO is willing to pay us that much for only 2 years of work.
Apparently, the Red Sox will be re-signing Jason Varitek to a 1-year deal worth $2 million according to yet another source. The contract supposedly includes $300, 000 in incentives based on playing time - $100, 000 for 60, 70, and 80 games started behind the plate. That’s amazing. Let’s be real for a second. Is he really going to start for 80 games? If the Red Sox sign a legit catcher, there’s no way. The good news for Jason is that while his playing time may be limited, he still gets to keep that stupid ‘C’ on his jersey as if he’s a hockey player. We hear that Big Papi has been asked to bedazzle the ‘C’ for this season as an additional incentive.
As we report to you the stellar details of these already over-inflated contracts, we can’t help but feeling the taste of vomit in the backs of our throats as we read about “incentives.” So…you do your job and you get extra money on top of your preposterous and obnoxious salaries. Let us break this down even further. You’re a baseball player. You make a retarded amount of money to play a game, wear a uniform that’s already provided to you (meaning you don’t have to pay for it out of your pocket) and show up to the field. If you strike out every single time you’re at the plate or give up a home run with every pitch thrown, you can still earn your asinine “base” salary (okay, so this might be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but you get our point). HOWEVER, should you choose to play up to your ability OR go above and beyond, you have the potential to earn even more millions of dollars/season. For doing what? What you’re supposed to? What you’re telling us is that you could be an under-achiever and make disgusting amounts of money OR be an achiever/over-achiever and make disgusting amounts of money and then some? Exactly, what are WE doing wrong here? Here, in TBB world, you show up to work every day. If you don’t show up and do your work work, you get written up and then you get FIRED. Unlike being on the DL, when you’re unemployed, you don’t make any money. If you do your job well, you’re not applauded. You don’t get “extra money.” You get more f’n work to do because clearly you’re competent enough to handle it. Oh and our uniforms? We have to BUY our collared shirts and dress pants. Hooray! Where’s our incentives? Our only incentive is that we need a job and if we don’t work, we won’t have a job anymore. The end. F you, MLB. F you.
TBB Super Hero, David Bowie (aka: the Goblin King Jareth with an enormous package) said it best when he danced magic danced and sang, “You remind me of the Babe (Ruth). The Babe didn’t get those salaries.”
Showing posts with label Victor Martinez. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victor Martinez. Show all posts
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
So…We Still Don’t Work for the MLB
So last we week we had a brief, yet fiery rant about the retardation of adding more wild card teams. Regardless of our ranting, kicking, and screaming, if we’re to listen to Bud Selig’s nonsense, it appears as though we’re getting additional wild card teams in 2012 whether we want it or not. We asked you if you’d embrace more wild card teams and 3 of you feel as strongly as we do, being that this idea is “literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” 1 individual loves wild card teams because “they’re the bestest.” However, the truly brilliant part of this poll is that someone actually voted for, “Well okay, but only if they’re first forced to compete in the Tri-Wizard tournament for the Goblet of Fire, which will take place at Hogwarts…naturally.” Thank you for that. There are no words to convey to you how hard we laughed.
This year’s MVP’s have finally been announced, but there wasn’t anything surprising about the outcome. Joey Votto secured the NL MVP and the only thing shocking about it is that he pummeled reigning MVP, Albert Pujols by a landslide (31 votes to 1). Josh Hamilton took AL MVP, beating the second place Miguel Cabrera by 17 points.
Finally, after days, weeks, months of BS, the Mets have finally announced their new manager and no, it’s not the TBB. We must confess that we’re not really sure where we went wrong during our interview process. On Tuesday, Mets confirmed that 61 year old Terry Collins would be taking over Jerry Manuel’s former position. His previous managerial experience includes the Houston Astros (1994-1996) and the then Anaheim Angels (1997-1999) with a win-loss record of 444-434. Personally, we think that the Mets have made a big mistake choosing Collins over us. Combined, we’re 60 years old. We’re energetic and have many more years of experience under our belts, having managed several different teams from the stands, living room couches, and bar stools. We’ve even called the bull pen from our personal cell phones, selflessly using our own daytime minutes for the sake of the team. PLUS, we write a baseball blog. Granted, a baseball blog filled without a lot of malarkey, but does HE write a baseball blog? No. We think not.
We know that you probably don’t care about what we just talked about. We’re guessing that you want us to go off on this whole Derek Jeter/Yankees marital trouble situation. Fine. We’ll play a little ball with you, but we’re not going to spend a ridiculous amount of time covering it. Newsday, New York Times, Daily News, ESPN, ESPN.com, and MLB.com are covering it enough. Brian Cashman refuses to comment on what Jeter’s camp is asking for or confirm if the Yankees’ offer is really 3 years/$15 million, but he has said that they’ve offered Jeter a “fair and appropriate” deal. He’s even gone so far as to suggest to Jeter that he should test the market if he feels cheated. Jeter’s agent has called the Yankees’ negotiation tactics “baffling” (which Cashman appears to be a bit stung by). You probably expect us to snarl over the Yankees’ selfishness and insensitive handling of the situation. Sorry, but it’s not going to happen. Oh, sure. We definitely see Jeter’s side of the coin here, but we can also understand the position that the Yankees are in as well.
The Victim’s side of the story (if you can call Jeter a “victim”): Jeter’s been an important figure in the Yankees’ franchise for his entire career. He’s been a member of the 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2009 World Series teams. He was the 1996 Rookie of the Year and became team captain in 2003. He’s won 5 Gold Gloves at short stop with them (though there are plenty of people willing and able to argue against him winning them). He’s an 11-time All Star and a 4-time winner of the Silver Slugger Award. He is the all-time hits leader among short stops and the Yankees’ all-time hits leader, having passed Lou Gehrig in 2009. Most Yankees fans love him and from what we can tell, he’s highly respected and well-liked by his teammates. Perhaps even non-Yankees fans and non-Yankees players like him. However, we can’t really confirm that now can we?
The Yankees’ side of the story: They realize what Jeter’s done for the team over the span of his career. The organization may be run by wealthy and arrogant businessmen, but they’re not foolish. However, Derek Jeter is 36 years old. He’s currently playing an infield position that requires a player to cover a good chunk of ground and as you get older, it becomes more difficult to do so. Hey, we’re not knocking the over 30 crowd here. We’re not quite at 36 yet and even we notice a difference in staying in shape. We can no longer eat a carton of ice cream without seeing it creep into our butts. It sucks. We miss our high school physiques. Plus, while he’s a decent fielder, it’s his offense that makes Jeter special. 2010 was NOT a good year at the plate for him. What if that’s a sign of things to come? Sure, it could just be an off year. Lots of players have them and then rebound the following year just fine. But still…what if it’s not? We’re not 100% confident that Jeter can switch positions. Switching positions to begin with is a difficult transition (make fun of Alex Rodriguez’s move from short to third all you want, but trust us. That wasn’t easy and the job’s he currently doing at third should be commended regardless of how you feel about him personally), but some people don’t have the athletic prowess to do it successfully. So if Jeter can’t switch positions and he’s no longer hitting well, are the Yankees really expected to keep Jeter for more than 3 years and pay him large sums of money simply out of loyalty?
We’re not saying that either side is more right or more wrong. We’re just saying that both sides have a point. We hear rumors here and there that the Red Sox and Mets might make an offer just to make the Yankees squirm, but the Mets just recently committed themselves whole-heartedly to Jose Reyes and we personally feel that Red Sox fans would rather slit their own wrists than see Derek Jeter in a Red Sox uniform.
When all is said and done, the fact remains is that both camps should’ve kept these dealings private. Jeter is a popular player and whether anyone likes it or not, he’s currently the face of the franchise. He’s high-profile, high-paid, and famously “Yankee.” His pending free agent status was news well before the season ended. The public back and forth crap does nothing for either side’s situation and it’s now almost at the point of embarrassing. This morning, the back page of a local newspaper didn’t address the Mets’ new manager, the spiraling New York Giants, or the endless amount of luck the Jets seem to be in possession of. It screamed Derek Jeter. Going forward, both parties should shut up and just let us know when a decision’s been made. That’s all anyone really cares about anyway.
Movement Around the League:
According to reports, Victor Martinez is ditching the Red Sox for the Tigers. If this is true, this leaves a pretty big gap behind the plate for the Sox to fill and Jason Varitek is most definitely not their answer.
Several players have been offered arbitration this week, including the Rangers’ Cliff Lee and Frankie Francisco, Red Sox’s Mike Lowell, White Sox’s Paul Konerko and JJ Putz, Phillies’ Jayson Werth, Twins’ Carl Pavano, Jesse Crain, and Orlando Hudson, and the Yankees’ Javier Vazquez. We’ll rattle off a few names that did NOT get arbitration (though this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re leaving the organization): Jason Varitek, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Hideki Matsui, Bengie Molina, and Vlad Guerrero.
Finally, we’d like to wish a happy birthday to The Favorite’s brother and Brownie Maker.
Have a Gobble, Gobble Thursday filled with good food, friends and family, and great football!
This year’s MVP’s have finally been announced, but there wasn’t anything surprising about the outcome. Joey Votto secured the NL MVP and the only thing shocking about it is that he pummeled reigning MVP, Albert Pujols by a landslide (31 votes to 1). Josh Hamilton took AL MVP, beating the second place Miguel Cabrera by 17 points.
Finally, after days, weeks, months of BS, the Mets have finally announced their new manager and no, it’s not the TBB. We must confess that we’re not really sure where we went wrong during our interview process. On Tuesday, Mets confirmed that 61 year old Terry Collins would be taking over Jerry Manuel’s former position. His previous managerial experience includes the Houston Astros (1994-1996) and the then Anaheim Angels (1997-1999) with a win-loss record of 444-434. Personally, we think that the Mets have made a big mistake choosing Collins over us. Combined, we’re 60 years old. We’re energetic and have many more years of experience under our belts, having managed several different teams from the stands, living room couches, and bar stools. We’ve even called the bull pen from our personal cell phones, selflessly using our own daytime minutes for the sake of the team. PLUS, we write a baseball blog. Granted, a baseball blog filled without a lot of malarkey, but does HE write a baseball blog? No. We think not.
We know that you probably don’t care about what we just talked about. We’re guessing that you want us to go off on this whole Derek Jeter/Yankees marital trouble situation. Fine. We’ll play a little ball with you, but we’re not going to spend a ridiculous amount of time covering it. Newsday, New York Times, Daily News, ESPN, ESPN.com, and MLB.com are covering it enough. Brian Cashman refuses to comment on what Jeter’s camp is asking for or confirm if the Yankees’ offer is really 3 years/$15 million, but he has said that they’ve offered Jeter a “fair and appropriate” deal. He’s even gone so far as to suggest to Jeter that he should test the market if he feels cheated. Jeter’s agent has called the Yankees’ negotiation tactics “baffling” (which Cashman appears to be a bit stung by). You probably expect us to snarl over the Yankees’ selfishness and insensitive handling of the situation. Sorry, but it’s not going to happen. Oh, sure. We definitely see Jeter’s side of the coin here, but we can also understand the position that the Yankees are in as well.
The Victim’s side of the story (if you can call Jeter a “victim”): Jeter’s been an important figure in the Yankees’ franchise for his entire career. He’s been a member of the 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2009 World Series teams. He was the 1996 Rookie of the Year and became team captain in 2003. He’s won 5 Gold Gloves at short stop with them (though there are plenty of people willing and able to argue against him winning them). He’s an 11-time All Star and a 4-time winner of the Silver Slugger Award. He is the all-time hits leader among short stops and the Yankees’ all-time hits leader, having passed Lou Gehrig in 2009. Most Yankees fans love him and from what we can tell, he’s highly respected and well-liked by his teammates. Perhaps even non-Yankees fans and non-Yankees players like him. However, we can’t really confirm that now can we?
The Yankees’ side of the story: They realize what Jeter’s done for the team over the span of his career. The organization may be run by wealthy and arrogant businessmen, but they’re not foolish. However, Derek Jeter is 36 years old. He’s currently playing an infield position that requires a player to cover a good chunk of ground and as you get older, it becomes more difficult to do so. Hey, we’re not knocking the over 30 crowd here. We’re not quite at 36 yet and even we notice a difference in staying in shape. We can no longer eat a carton of ice cream without seeing it creep into our butts. It sucks. We miss our high school physiques. Plus, while he’s a decent fielder, it’s his offense that makes Jeter special. 2010 was NOT a good year at the plate for him. What if that’s a sign of things to come? Sure, it could just be an off year. Lots of players have them and then rebound the following year just fine. But still…what if it’s not? We’re not 100% confident that Jeter can switch positions. Switching positions to begin with is a difficult transition (make fun of Alex Rodriguez’s move from short to third all you want, but trust us. That wasn’t easy and the job’s he currently doing at third should be commended regardless of how you feel about him personally), but some people don’t have the athletic prowess to do it successfully. So if Jeter can’t switch positions and he’s no longer hitting well, are the Yankees really expected to keep Jeter for more than 3 years and pay him large sums of money simply out of loyalty?
We’re not saying that either side is more right or more wrong. We’re just saying that both sides have a point. We hear rumors here and there that the Red Sox and Mets might make an offer just to make the Yankees squirm, but the Mets just recently committed themselves whole-heartedly to Jose Reyes and we personally feel that Red Sox fans would rather slit their own wrists than see Derek Jeter in a Red Sox uniform.
When all is said and done, the fact remains is that both camps should’ve kept these dealings private. Jeter is a popular player and whether anyone likes it or not, he’s currently the face of the franchise. He’s high-profile, high-paid, and famously “Yankee.” His pending free agent status was news well before the season ended. The public back and forth crap does nothing for either side’s situation and it’s now almost at the point of embarrassing. This morning, the back page of a local newspaper didn’t address the Mets’ new manager, the spiraling New York Giants, or the endless amount of luck the Jets seem to be in possession of. It screamed Derek Jeter. Going forward, both parties should shut up and just let us know when a decision’s been made. That’s all anyone really cares about anyway.
Movement Around the League:
According to reports, Victor Martinez is ditching the Red Sox for the Tigers. If this is true, this leaves a pretty big gap behind the plate for the Sox to fill and Jason Varitek is most definitely not their answer.
Several players have been offered arbitration this week, including the Rangers’ Cliff Lee and Frankie Francisco, Red Sox’s Mike Lowell, White Sox’s Paul Konerko and JJ Putz, Phillies’ Jayson Werth, Twins’ Carl Pavano, Jesse Crain, and Orlando Hudson, and the Yankees’ Javier Vazquez. We’ll rattle off a few names that did NOT get arbitration (though this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re leaving the organization): Jason Varitek, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Hideki Matsui, Bengie Molina, and Vlad Guerrero.
Finally, we’d like to wish a happy birthday to The Favorite’s brother and Brownie Maker.
Have a Gobble, Gobble Thursday filled with good food, friends and family, and great football!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Mourning the Loss of the Baseball Season
Well, we are sad to report that our poll turn out was limited to 5 measly votes. Is it because the season’s over and you’ve stopped caring? You, know we’ve not ditched our post as weekly bloggers despite the season coming to an end! We still manage to come up with worthless crap to feed you. The least you could do is patronize us and vote on our stupid poll. You don’t even have to read the blog if you don’t want to. Is that so much to ask for? Anyway, we had asked you what you thought would happen at this year’s winter meetings. 4 of you felt that Mr. Met would take over the role of Manager for the Mets while Jerry Manuel would step down and become the stadium’s Hot Dog Compliance Specialist. The fact that you’re allowing Manuel to have this sort of great responsibility just proves how forgiving you are. Lisa believes that Manuel will find a way to screw up Citi Field’s hot dogs…and hot dogs are vital components to a baseball game. We know. We’re professional hot dog research analysts. Only 1 of you thought that Jayson Werth is going to donate his creepy beard to Locks of Love, only to be rejected and then riots will ensue. We don’t really blame Locks of Love for rejecting his beard because let’s face it; no one deserves that for a wig. Finally, absolutely no one voted for the last three options: Brad Ziegler going to Pittsburg in exchange for a player to be named, AROD files for 60-day FML due to sensitivity issues, and Roy Halladay signs with the Angels. Really, people? Really? That last choice was the most likely event to occur and no one voted for it. No, you actually thought that Mr. Met would be an appropriate replacement for Jerry Manuel. Helloooooo, he can’t talk!!!! How do you expect him to call the bull pen? Plus, he’s always smiling so how do you think players are going to know when Mr. Met is angry? They’re going to think they’re doing a great job when they really aren’t. And how do you expect him to travel with the team? He’s head is way too big to fit through an airplane door.
Now…cue Darth Vadar’s imperial march. We are officially depressed. Now that the parade has passed and the excitement has died down, there’s nothing to look forward to until pitchers and catchers report. Okay, Christmas will be fun, but that’s completely irrelevant. There’s only football once a week and the Jets and Giants have been sucking interesting body parts lately. Pretty hard core actually. The Giants, in particular, have made Serena nauseas for three straight weeks. The only thing that has gotten her through these tough NFL times is the fact that they have a bye week this Sunday and therefore can’t possibly screw anything up. The Jets, however, are scheduled to play and could potentially give Tech Support Sean an ulcer. Other than that, what’s the TBB to do/watch? Project Runway’s coming to an end. Biggest Loser’s almost down to its last contestant. The Real Housewives of Atlanta have been relegated to reruns on Bravo. Will we really be forced to watch YES and SNY Classics? We KNOW what happens! There’s no pacing involved. No nail biting. No shouts of, “for heaven’s sakes! Call the bullpen! Here’s my cell phone! I have free nights and weekends! Go on! Use it!” No Premio sausage sandwiches or grilled hot dogs with awesome toppings. We’d have to travel to Vegas in order to get ourselves a $10 Coors Light. How boring.
Most importantly, no baseball season means there’s no stadium touring!!!! That’s our true life line! Those are the blogs we have most fun writing! In order to keep us going, we’ve resorted to depositing recyclables for money to put toward our LA/San Diego trip. It makes us feel like we’re accomplishing something related to stadium touring, but we’re not. We have no flights, no baseball tickets, no free giveaway schedules. We’re just the non-traveling depressed baseball babes. We’ve collected $8 so far from plastic bottles, beer bottles, and cans.
As a result of this manic depression, we’re concerned that our fans may feel the brunt of it the most. Our blogging abilities may suffer and we’ll simply continue to muck through garbage and rant about complete nonsense (like Sammy Sosa pulling a Michael Jackson…it’s black, it’s white?) and force you to read it…weekly. We apologize for this. We will sincerely try our best to avoid this type of calamity, but it may be inevitable.
We suppose that we could be positive about this whole thing. We can begin again. New hopes, dreams, and an uplifted faith (at least for Serena. Lisa, not so much). This is the year *insert favorite team* will take it all. This is it! Favorite team is going to sign that big shot free agent and all of our problems will be solved!
Unfortunately, what will happen (to us, anyway) is that before spring training is over, this hope will fade. It will be replaced by frustration and anger. Why did *insert favorite team’s GM* get rid of *insert favorite player* in favor of that douche, *insert douchey player*? What does douche do that favorite player doesn’t? Douche is probably represented by Scott Boras and will earn a hefty paycheck. Doubt will enter the corners of the mind as you begin to sweat the arrival of Opening Day. You hope your team does well. You hope your team does not get their butts handed to them by the Cleveland Indians at your team’s brand new stadium (like the Yankees did this year). If your team wins Opening Day, you think you can be relaxed because it’s a great start to the season (but you probably won’t relax). If your team loses, you’re going to be a wreck. What if they lose every game? What if they suck? What if that high-paid douche wasn’t the answer? What if he’s just a douche?
Of course, by the end of the season, douche will have done nothing, favorite team will probably end up in the bottom of the standings, and former favorite player will have gone on to win the World Series MVP and ride the lead float in the team parade. This brings us back to off season depression yet again. It’s a vicious cycle and through it all, you will remain loyal to favorite team.
We’re thinking of starting a support group. Please email us if you’re interesting in joining. Perhaps we can file for 501 (c) 3 status. Collect donations for our cause. Anyone?
In the meantime, we will have to perfect our strategies involving certain key players (TOWSNBN, Murphy, Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Barry Zito, Jeff Francoeur, “Tiny” Tim Lincecum, Mike Jacobs, Huston Street, Cole Hamels). Don’t worry, boys, we did not forget about you. 0 : )
Now for the drum roll please…the 2009 MLB Awards thus far:
American League Gold Gloves
Mark Buehrle (Chicago White Sox) P
Joe Mauer (Minnesota Twins) C
Mark Teixeira (New York Yankees) 1B
Placido Polanco (Detroit Tigers) 2B
Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays) 3B
Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) SS
Torii Hunter (Los Angeles Angels) OF
Adam Jones (Baltimore Orioles) OF
Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle Mariners) OF
National League Gold Gloves
Adam Wainright (St. Louis Cardinals) P
Yadier Molina (St. Louis Cardinals) C
Adrian Gonzalez (San Diego Padres) 1B
Orlando Hudson (Los Angeles Dodgers) 2B
Ryan Zimmerman (Washington Nationals) 3B
Jimmy Rollins (Philadelphia Phillies) SS
Shane Victorino (Philadelphia Phillies) OF
Michael Bourn (Houston Astros) OF
Michael Kemp (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
American League Silver Slugger Awards
Mark Teixeira (New York Yankees) 1B
Aaron Hill (Toronto Blue Jays) 2B
Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) SS
Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays) 3B
Joe Mauer (Minnesota Twins) C
Adam Lind (Toronto Blue Jays) DH
Torii Hunter (Los Angeles Angels) OF
Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle Mariners) OF
Jason Bay (Boston Red Sox) OF
National League Silver Slugger Awards
Albert Pujols (St. Louis Cardinals) 1B
Chase Utley (Philadelphia Phillies) 2B
Hanley Ramirez (Florida Marlins) SS
Ryan Zimmerman (Washington Nationals) 3B
Brian McCann (Atlanta Braves) C
Carlos Zambrano (Chicago Cubs) P
Matt Kemp (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
Andre Ethier (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
Ryan Braun (Milwaukee Brewers) OF
We eagerly wait for the announcement of the Cy Young Awards, MVP’s, Batting Titles, Rookie of the Year, Manager of the Year, and Come Back Player of the Year. While we may not be happy with all of the results, we’re also excited about potential player moves.
In TBB Walks for Fred news, Fred K’s Cancer will be getting its own website and Facebook page, so any updates on our fundraising and the event will be posted there. The sites will be up and running by the end of the day on Monday.
On to today’s baseball notes: In extremely twisted news, Victor Zambrano’s mother was kidnapped in Venezuela on Sunday. After three days of captivity, police was able to stage a “commando-style” rescue. She was unharmed. Also on Sunday, the Twins picked up Michael Cuddeyer’s $10.5 million option for 2011, whereas the Red Sox declined the $6 million option on Alex Gonzalez and the Phillies declined the $5.5 million option on Pedro Feliz. The Red Sox are apparently very busy beavers because on Monday, they picked up Victor Martinez’s $7 million option, while declining stupid “C” is for “Catcher” Jason Varitek’s $5 million option. Unfortunately for Serena, the fool exercised his $3 million option so that he can stay with the Red Sox. How charming. She’s thrilled that she gets another season to look at him. The Sox also replaced Tim Wakefield’s option with a two year agreement. He claims that that once the two years are up, he’s calling it quits. The agreement will put him at 45 years old. This news completely shocked Serena. Tim Wakefield is 43 years old???? In more uplifting news (at least for us), Ken Griffey Jr. (who we love, love, love, love, love) signed a one year agreement with Mariners! Yay! Why didn’t we go to Seattle LAST year when he returned? Why did we have to go there when he was with the White Sox? Seattle’s manager, Jack Zdurienck stated that “we’re tickled pink that he’s decided to come back.” We’re not quite sure what “tickled pink” means, but it sounds rather dirty. Finally, there are some big guns up for hire this off season either through trade or free agency, including John Lackey (who has a snaggle tooth), Roy Halladay (who is most definitely a werewolf. Serena would bet money on it), and Javier Vazquez (who is actually somewhat attractive and low-key). Lisa will take any of them or all of them to play for the Mets. In exchange, she is willing to give up Oliver Perez, Luis Castillo, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, Carlos Delgado, JJ Putz…basically the entire team with the exception of TWOSNBN, Jeff Francoeur, Daniel Murphy, Johan Santana, and Mr. Met. Everyone else can go. Serena would love for Roy Halladay to join the Yankees pitching staff, but will lock her doors for safety purposes when there’s a full moon.
We close today’s blog with the following words, written and performed by the illustrious BON JOVI! “We wake up in the morning and we raise our weary heads. We’ve got an old jersey from some player who got traded for a pillow and the baseball field was last night’s bed. We don’t know where we’re going, only the TBB fans know where we’ve been. We’re babes on the run, we love a 40-man roster (but not those on the DL), when will baseball return again, Yeah! The baseball season’s shot down in a blaze of glory! Take it down, but we know the truth! Pitchers and catchers report in February. Thank god.”
The 2009 MLB Season, may it rest in peace
Now…cue Darth Vadar’s imperial march. We are officially depressed. Now that the parade has passed and the excitement has died down, there’s nothing to look forward to until pitchers and catchers report. Okay, Christmas will be fun, but that’s completely irrelevant. There’s only football once a week and the Jets and Giants have been sucking interesting body parts lately. Pretty hard core actually. The Giants, in particular, have made Serena nauseas for three straight weeks. The only thing that has gotten her through these tough NFL times is the fact that they have a bye week this Sunday and therefore can’t possibly screw anything up. The Jets, however, are scheduled to play and could potentially give Tech Support Sean an ulcer. Other than that, what’s the TBB to do/watch? Project Runway’s coming to an end. Biggest Loser’s almost down to its last contestant. The Real Housewives of Atlanta have been relegated to reruns on Bravo. Will we really be forced to watch YES and SNY Classics? We KNOW what happens! There’s no pacing involved. No nail biting. No shouts of, “for heaven’s sakes! Call the bullpen! Here’s my cell phone! I have free nights and weekends! Go on! Use it!” No Premio sausage sandwiches or grilled hot dogs with awesome toppings. We’d have to travel to Vegas in order to get ourselves a $10 Coors Light. How boring.
Most importantly, no baseball season means there’s no stadium touring!!!! That’s our true life line! Those are the blogs we have most fun writing! In order to keep us going, we’ve resorted to depositing recyclables for money to put toward our LA/San Diego trip. It makes us feel like we’re accomplishing something related to stadium touring, but we’re not. We have no flights, no baseball tickets, no free giveaway schedules. We’re just the non-traveling depressed baseball babes. We’ve collected $8 so far from plastic bottles, beer bottles, and cans.
As a result of this manic depression, we’re concerned that our fans may feel the brunt of it the most. Our blogging abilities may suffer and we’ll simply continue to muck through garbage and rant about complete nonsense (like Sammy Sosa pulling a Michael Jackson…it’s black, it’s white?) and force you to read it…weekly. We apologize for this. We will sincerely try our best to avoid this type of calamity, but it may be inevitable.
We suppose that we could be positive about this whole thing. We can begin again. New hopes, dreams, and an uplifted faith (at least for Serena. Lisa, not so much). This is the year *insert favorite team* will take it all. This is it! Favorite team is going to sign that big shot free agent and all of our problems will be solved!
Unfortunately, what will happen (to us, anyway) is that before spring training is over, this hope will fade. It will be replaced by frustration and anger. Why did *insert favorite team’s GM* get rid of *insert favorite player* in favor of that douche, *insert douchey player*? What does douche do that favorite player doesn’t? Douche is probably represented by Scott Boras and will earn a hefty paycheck. Doubt will enter the corners of the mind as you begin to sweat the arrival of Opening Day. You hope your team does well. You hope your team does not get their butts handed to them by the Cleveland Indians at your team’s brand new stadium (like the Yankees did this year). If your team wins Opening Day, you think you can be relaxed because it’s a great start to the season (but you probably won’t relax). If your team loses, you’re going to be a wreck. What if they lose every game? What if they suck? What if that high-paid douche wasn’t the answer? What if he’s just a douche?
Of course, by the end of the season, douche will have done nothing, favorite team will probably end up in the bottom of the standings, and former favorite player will have gone on to win the World Series MVP and ride the lead float in the team parade. This brings us back to off season depression yet again. It’s a vicious cycle and through it all, you will remain loyal to favorite team.
We’re thinking of starting a support group. Please email us if you’re interesting in joining. Perhaps we can file for 501 (c) 3 status. Collect donations for our cause. Anyone?
In the meantime, we will have to perfect our strategies involving certain key players (TOWSNBN, Murphy, Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Barry Zito, Jeff Francoeur, “Tiny” Tim Lincecum, Mike Jacobs, Huston Street, Cole Hamels). Don’t worry, boys, we did not forget about you. 0 : )
Now for the drum roll please…the 2009 MLB Awards thus far:
American League Gold Gloves
Mark Buehrle (Chicago White Sox) P
Joe Mauer (Minnesota Twins) C
Mark Teixeira (New York Yankees) 1B
Placido Polanco (Detroit Tigers) 2B
Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays) 3B
Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) SS
Torii Hunter (Los Angeles Angels) OF
Adam Jones (Baltimore Orioles) OF
Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle Mariners) OF
National League Gold Gloves
Adam Wainright (St. Louis Cardinals) P
Yadier Molina (St. Louis Cardinals) C
Adrian Gonzalez (San Diego Padres) 1B
Orlando Hudson (Los Angeles Dodgers) 2B
Ryan Zimmerman (Washington Nationals) 3B
Jimmy Rollins (Philadelphia Phillies) SS
Shane Victorino (Philadelphia Phillies) OF
Michael Bourn (Houston Astros) OF
Michael Kemp (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
American League Silver Slugger Awards
Mark Teixeira (New York Yankees) 1B
Aaron Hill (Toronto Blue Jays) 2B
Derek Jeter (New York Yankees) SS
Evan Longoria (Tampa Bay Rays) 3B
Joe Mauer (Minnesota Twins) C
Adam Lind (Toronto Blue Jays) DH
Torii Hunter (Los Angeles Angels) OF
Ichiro Suzuki (Seattle Mariners) OF
Jason Bay (Boston Red Sox) OF
National League Silver Slugger Awards
Albert Pujols (St. Louis Cardinals) 1B
Chase Utley (Philadelphia Phillies) 2B
Hanley Ramirez (Florida Marlins) SS
Ryan Zimmerman (Washington Nationals) 3B
Brian McCann (Atlanta Braves) C
Carlos Zambrano (Chicago Cubs) P
Matt Kemp (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
Andre Ethier (Los Angeles Dodgers) OF
Ryan Braun (Milwaukee Brewers) OF
We eagerly wait for the announcement of the Cy Young Awards, MVP’s, Batting Titles, Rookie of the Year, Manager of the Year, and Come Back Player of the Year. While we may not be happy with all of the results, we’re also excited about potential player moves.
In TBB Walks for Fred news, Fred K’s Cancer will be getting its own website and Facebook page, so any updates on our fundraising and the event will be posted there. The sites will be up and running by the end of the day on Monday.
On to today’s baseball notes: In extremely twisted news, Victor Zambrano’s mother was kidnapped in Venezuela on Sunday. After three days of captivity, police was able to stage a “commando-style” rescue. She was unharmed. Also on Sunday, the Twins picked up Michael Cuddeyer’s $10.5 million option for 2011, whereas the Red Sox declined the $6 million option on Alex Gonzalez and the Phillies declined the $5.5 million option on Pedro Feliz. The Red Sox are apparently very busy beavers because on Monday, they picked up Victor Martinez’s $7 million option, while declining stupid “C” is for “Catcher” Jason Varitek’s $5 million option. Unfortunately for Serena, the fool exercised his $3 million option so that he can stay with the Red Sox. How charming. She’s thrilled that she gets another season to look at him. The Sox also replaced Tim Wakefield’s option with a two year agreement. He claims that that once the two years are up, he’s calling it quits. The agreement will put him at 45 years old. This news completely shocked Serena. Tim Wakefield is 43 years old???? In more uplifting news (at least for us), Ken Griffey Jr. (who we love, love, love, love, love) signed a one year agreement with Mariners! Yay! Why didn’t we go to Seattle LAST year when he returned? Why did we have to go there when he was with the White Sox? Seattle’s manager, Jack Zdurienck stated that “we’re tickled pink that he’s decided to come back.” We’re not quite sure what “tickled pink” means, but it sounds rather dirty. Finally, there are some big guns up for hire this off season either through trade or free agency, including John Lackey (who has a snaggle tooth), Roy Halladay (who is most definitely a werewolf. Serena would bet money on it), and Javier Vazquez (who is actually somewhat attractive and low-key). Lisa will take any of them or all of them to play for the Mets. In exchange, she is willing to give up Oliver Perez, Luis Castillo, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, Carlos Delgado, JJ Putz…basically the entire team with the exception of TWOSNBN, Jeff Francoeur, Daniel Murphy, Johan Santana, and Mr. Met. Everyone else can go. Serena would love for Roy Halladay to join the Yankees pitching staff, but will lock her doors for safety purposes when there’s a full moon.
We close today’s blog with the following words, written and performed by the illustrious BON JOVI! “We wake up in the morning and we raise our weary heads. We’ve got an old jersey from some player who got traded for a pillow and the baseball field was last night’s bed. We don’t know where we’re going, only the TBB fans know where we’ve been. We’re babes on the run, we love a 40-man roster (but not those on the DL), when will baseball return again, Yeah! The baseball season’s shot down in a blaze of glory! Take it down, but we know the truth! Pitchers and catchers report in February. Thank god.”
The 2009 MLB Season, may it rest in peace
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