So last we week we had a brief, yet fiery rant about the retardation of adding more wild card teams. Regardless of our ranting, kicking, and screaming, if we’re to listen to Bud Selig’s nonsense, it appears as though we’re getting additional wild card teams in 2012 whether we want it or not. We asked you if you’d embrace more wild card teams and 3 of you feel as strongly as we do, being that this idea is “literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” 1 individual loves wild card teams because “they’re the bestest.” However, the truly brilliant part of this poll is that someone actually voted for, “Well okay, but only if they’re first forced to compete in the Tri-Wizard tournament for the Goblet of Fire, which will take place at Hogwarts…naturally.” Thank you for that. There are no words to convey to you how hard we laughed.
This year’s MVP’s have finally been announced, but there wasn’t anything surprising about the outcome. Joey Votto secured the NL MVP and the only thing shocking about it is that he pummeled reigning MVP, Albert Pujols by a landslide (31 votes to 1). Josh Hamilton took AL MVP, beating the second place Miguel Cabrera by 17 points.
Finally, after days, weeks, months of BS, the Mets have finally announced their new manager and no, it’s not the TBB. We must confess that we’re not really sure where we went wrong during our interview process. On Tuesday, Mets confirmed that 61 year old Terry Collins would be taking over Jerry Manuel’s former position. His previous managerial experience includes the Houston Astros (1994-1996) and the then Anaheim Angels (1997-1999) with a win-loss record of 444-434. Personally, we think that the Mets have made a big mistake choosing Collins over us. Combined, we’re 60 years old. We’re energetic and have many more years of experience under our belts, having managed several different teams from the stands, living room couches, and bar stools. We’ve even called the bull pen from our personal cell phones, selflessly using our own daytime minutes for the sake of the team. PLUS, we write a baseball blog. Granted, a baseball blog filled without a lot of malarkey, but does HE write a baseball blog? No. We think not.
We know that you probably don’t care about what we just talked about. We’re guessing that you want us to go off on this whole Derek Jeter/Yankees marital trouble situation. Fine. We’ll play a little ball with you, but we’re not going to spend a ridiculous amount of time covering it. Newsday, New York Times, Daily News, ESPN, ESPN.com, and MLB.com are covering it enough. Brian Cashman refuses to comment on what Jeter’s camp is asking for or confirm if the Yankees’ offer is really 3 years/$15 million, but he has said that they’ve offered Jeter a “fair and appropriate” deal. He’s even gone so far as to suggest to Jeter that he should test the market if he feels cheated. Jeter’s agent has called the Yankees’ negotiation tactics “baffling” (which Cashman appears to be a bit stung by). You probably expect us to snarl over the Yankees’ selfishness and insensitive handling of the situation. Sorry, but it’s not going to happen. Oh, sure. We definitely see Jeter’s side of the coin here, but we can also understand the position that the Yankees are in as well.
The Victim’s side of the story (if you can call Jeter a “victim”): Jeter’s been an important figure in the Yankees’ franchise for his entire career. He’s been a member of the 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2009 World Series teams. He was the 1996 Rookie of the Year and became team captain in 2003. He’s won 5 Gold Gloves at short stop with them (though there are plenty of people willing and able to argue against him winning them). He’s an 11-time All Star and a 4-time winner of the Silver Slugger Award. He is the all-time hits leader among short stops and the Yankees’ all-time hits leader, having passed Lou Gehrig in 2009. Most Yankees fans love him and from what we can tell, he’s highly respected and well-liked by his teammates. Perhaps even non-Yankees fans and non-Yankees players like him. However, we can’t really confirm that now can we?
The Yankees’ side of the story: They realize what Jeter’s done for the team over the span of his career. The organization may be run by wealthy and arrogant businessmen, but they’re not foolish. However, Derek Jeter is 36 years old. He’s currently playing an infield position that requires a player to cover a good chunk of ground and as you get older, it becomes more difficult to do so. Hey, we’re not knocking the over 30 crowd here. We’re not quite at 36 yet and even we notice a difference in staying in shape. We can no longer eat a carton of ice cream without seeing it creep into our butts. It sucks. We miss our high school physiques. Plus, while he’s a decent fielder, it’s his offense that makes Jeter special. 2010 was NOT a good year at the plate for him. What if that’s a sign of things to come? Sure, it could just be an off year. Lots of players have them and then rebound the following year just fine. But still…what if it’s not? We’re not 100% confident that Jeter can switch positions. Switching positions to begin with is a difficult transition (make fun of Alex Rodriguez’s move from short to third all you want, but trust us. That wasn’t easy and the job’s he currently doing at third should be commended regardless of how you feel about him personally), but some people don’t have the athletic prowess to do it successfully. So if Jeter can’t switch positions and he’s no longer hitting well, are the Yankees really expected to keep Jeter for more than 3 years and pay him large sums of money simply out of loyalty?
We’re not saying that either side is more right or more wrong. We’re just saying that both sides have a point. We hear rumors here and there that the Red Sox and Mets might make an offer just to make the Yankees squirm, but the Mets just recently committed themselves whole-heartedly to Jose Reyes and we personally feel that Red Sox fans would rather slit their own wrists than see Derek Jeter in a Red Sox uniform.
When all is said and done, the fact remains is that both camps should’ve kept these dealings private. Jeter is a popular player and whether anyone likes it or not, he’s currently the face of the franchise. He’s high-profile, high-paid, and famously “Yankee.” His pending free agent status was news well before the season ended. The public back and forth crap does nothing for either side’s situation and it’s now almost at the point of embarrassing. This morning, the back page of a local newspaper didn’t address the Mets’ new manager, the spiraling New York Giants, or the endless amount of luck the Jets seem to be in possession of. It screamed Derek Jeter. Going forward, both parties should shut up and just let us know when a decision’s been made. That’s all anyone really cares about anyway.
Movement Around the League:
According to reports, Victor Martinez is ditching the Red Sox for the Tigers. If this is true, this leaves a pretty big gap behind the plate for the Sox to fill and Jason Varitek is most definitely not their answer.
Several players have been offered arbitration this week, including the Rangers’ Cliff Lee and Frankie Francisco, Red Sox’s Mike Lowell, White Sox’s Paul Konerko and JJ Putz, Phillies’ Jayson Werth, Twins’ Carl Pavano, Jesse Crain, and Orlando Hudson, and the Yankees’ Javier Vazquez. We’ll rattle off a few names that did NOT get arbitration (though this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re leaving the organization): Jason Varitek, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Hideki Matsui, Bengie Molina, and Vlad Guerrero.
Finally, we’d like to wish a happy birthday to The Favorite’s brother and Brownie Maker.
Have a Gobble, Gobble Thursday filled with good food, friends and family, and great football!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Felix Halladay
During this recent post season, Jeff Francoeur offended generations of people’s private parts with his unattractive beard. Please don’t misunderstand us. We have nothing against beards or facial hair in general. What we have issues with is GROSS facial hair, particularly men who have furry woodland creatures growing on their faces! That being said, we were curious if you felt the same as we do about Jeff’s…hairy situation. Thankfully, of 9 people, 8 of you voted that Jeff should shave his beard “for the sake of the children.” 1 creepy individual apparently likes the fact that Jeff looks like Paul Bunyan. Jeff, if you’re the 1 person who voted in favor of your poor decision, you’re delusional. We love you. You’ve got a great arm and when you’re hitting, you’ve got some power under your belt, but jeez. No gustamos your beard. Stop pretending. You probably don’t like it either. It most likely itches and catches all of your meals.
Roy Halladay officially won the NL Cy Young Award on Tuesday, like there’s an f’n surprise. Did they even bother to vote on that matter or did they just hand it over to him? On the flip side of the coin, it was announced yesterday that Felix Hernandez of the Mariners won the AL Cy Young Award, beating CC Sabathia and David Price by a long shot. See? The Mariners can win things in the 2010 season! Yay! Felix Hernandez is the Super Hero of the Week for several reasons…all of them, we assure you, are good reasons and they make perfect sense. Let’s be serious. When have we ever NOT made sense? For starters, Felix won a Cy Young. Yay! Next, Roy has already been Super Hero this year and we’ve never even discussed Felix because he plays for a shitastic team. Also, he plays for a shitastic team and still managed to win the Cy Young (whereas Roy won his award playing for a jerkoff, yet talented team). Fourthly, we’re closing this week’s blog with a song dedicated to Roy and he can’t have everything! If that’s the case, we’d have to change our blog to www.royhalladay’stravelingbaseballbabes.blogspot.com. Our website address is long enough! Lastly, if we had made Tim Lincecum Super Hero of the Week, it would’ve not only been redundant (as his number is already retired on our blog AND he has an annual holiday in August, which is marked off on our company Outlook calendars on a recurring basis), but inappropriate as he did NOT win the Cy Young this year. Granted, he got something slightly sexier in the form of a World Series trophy and ring, but…that still doesn’t change anything.
Shockingly, the Marlins traded 2B, Dan Uggla to division rivals, the Braves in exchange for utility player Omar Infante and pitcher Mike Dunn. Money appears to be the main culprit for the Marlins unloading the All Star player, but nevertheless, we’re still a bit surprised by the move.
MLB Executive Vice President, Rob Manfred, said that adding more wild card teams to the 2011 season would be difficult because it would require a modification to the current labor contract, which will continue through the season? They’re more likely to consider this possibility for the 2012 season. Maybe they should just stop “thinking” because apparently when you pool the minds of selfish and rich dumbasses, you get brilliance like this. They need to stop comparing themselves to the NFL…unless of course, they’re considering instituting a salary cap and a better penal system like the NFL. Bud Selig has announced that a “special 14-man committee” will discuss the possibility of adding two more wild card teams in December during the winter meetings. Anyone else getting the sense that this terrible idea is definitely going to come to fruition whether we like it or not?
Finally, Hot Mama Erin's birthday was on Wednesday and we'd like to wish her a happy, happy birthday! Lurve you!
In honor of Roy Halladay, we leave you with a charming little ditty that goes as something like this: “He’s the hairy-handed gent, who ran amuck in Philly. Lately he’s been overheard in Florida. Better stay away from him, he’ll strike you out, Jim. We’d like to meet his tailor. Ah-oooooooooooooooh. Werewolves of Philly.”
Roy Halladay officially won the NL Cy Young Award on Tuesday, like there’s an f’n surprise. Did they even bother to vote on that matter or did they just hand it over to him? On the flip side of the coin, it was announced yesterday that Felix Hernandez of the Mariners won the AL Cy Young Award, beating CC Sabathia and David Price by a long shot. See? The Mariners can win things in the 2010 season! Yay! Felix Hernandez is the Super Hero of the Week for several reasons…all of them, we assure you, are good reasons and they make perfect sense. Let’s be serious. When have we ever NOT made sense? For starters, Felix won a Cy Young. Yay! Next, Roy has already been Super Hero this year and we’ve never even discussed Felix because he plays for a shitastic team. Also, he plays for a shitastic team and still managed to win the Cy Young (whereas Roy won his award playing for a jerkoff, yet talented team). Fourthly, we’re closing this week’s blog with a song dedicated to Roy and he can’t have everything! If that’s the case, we’d have to change our blog to www.royhalladay’stravelingbaseballbabes.blogspot.com. Our website address is long enough! Lastly, if we had made Tim Lincecum Super Hero of the Week, it would’ve not only been redundant (as his number is already retired on our blog AND he has an annual holiday in August, which is marked off on our company Outlook calendars on a recurring basis), but inappropriate as he did NOT win the Cy Young this year. Granted, he got something slightly sexier in the form of a World Series trophy and ring, but…that still doesn’t change anything.
Shockingly, the Marlins traded 2B, Dan Uggla to division rivals, the Braves in exchange for utility player Omar Infante and pitcher Mike Dunn. Money appears to be the main culprit for the Marlins unloading the All Star player, but nevertheless, we’re still a bit surprised by the move.
MLB Executive Vice President, Rob Manfred, said that adding more wild card teams to the 2011 season would be difficult because it would require a modification to the current labor contract, which will continue through the season? They’re more likely to consider this possibility for the 2012 season. Maybe they should just stop “thinking” because apparently when you pool the minds of selfish and rich dumbasses, you get brilliance like this. They need to stop comparing themselves to the NFL…unless of course, they’re considering instituting a salary cap and a better penal system like the NFL. Bud Selig has announced that a “special 14-man committee” will discuss the possibility of adding two more wild card teams in December during the winter meetings. Anyone else getting the sense that this terrible idea is definitely going to come to fruition whether we like it or not?
Finally, Hot Mama Erin's birthday was on Wednesday and we'd like to wish her a happy, happy birthday! Lurve you!
In honor of Roy Halladay, we leave you with a charming little ditty that goes as something like this: “He’s the hairy-handed gent, who ran amuck in Philly. Lately he’s been overheard in Florida. Better stay away from him, he’ll strike you out, Jim. We’d like to meet his tailor. Ah-oooooooooooooooh. Werewolves of Philly.”
Friday, November 12, 2010
Majoring in Foxwoods Economics
Since the Mets are still interviewing for a new Manager to replace Jerry “I Like to Stutter” Manuel, we asked if you’d hire us if you were the GM for the Mets. Much to our self esteem’s relief, no one voted for, “good grief. Are you insane? Hell no.” That’s progress. Maybe you really don’t hate us. Maybe it’s just a strong feeling of dislike toward us that you feel in the pits of your stomachs. The 6 people that did vote were split between being annoyed about being the Mets’ GM and feeling that we couldn’t possibly be worse than Jerry Manuel. Sweet. Pessimistic attitudes all around.
MLB announced this season’s Silver Slugger Awards last night (displayed American League/National League):
1B: Miguel Cabrera/Albert Pujols
2B: Robinson Cano/Dan Uggla
3B: Adrian Beltre/Ryan Zimmerman
C: Joe Mauer/Brian McCann
P: Not Applicable/Yovani Gallardo
SS: Alexei Ramirez/Troy Tulowitzki
OF: Carl Crawford/Ryan Braun
OF: Josh Hamilton/Carlos Gonzalez
OF: Jose Bautista/Matt Holliday
DH: Vladimir Guerrero/Not Applicable
MLB also announced the winners for the Gold Gloves this week (displayed American League/National League):
1B: Mark Teixeira/Albert Pujols
2B: Robinson Cano/Brandon Phillips
3B: Evan Longoria/Scott Rolen
C: Joe Mauer/Yadier Molina
P: Mark Buehrle/Bronson Arroyo
SS: Derek Jeter/Troy Tulowitzki
OF: Ichiro Suzuki/Shane Victorino
OF: Carl Crawford/Carlos Gonzalez
OF: Franklin Gutierrez/Michael Bourn
Worthy to mention is the fact that this is Ichiro Suzuki’s TENTH Gold Glove. DANG! While that certainly is an amazing feat, that’s really not what we want to talk about today. Let’s discuss how Rob Neyer slammed Derek Jeter earning his fifth Gold Glove. The essence of his rant is that this recent award is the 4th Gold Glove that Jeter didn’t deserve. Woah. Someone’s got some Jeter Hate living inside him. Okay, sure. Derek Jeter is definitely not the BEST defensive short stop. We can support that statement. However, it’s not like the Yankees have got Serena playing short stop for them. Neyer’s ranting got us thinking. If Jeter didn’t deserve the award, then who did? Serena made an Excel spreadsheet on company time that detailed the 2010 fielding statistics for all of the short stops in the American League. Then she removed any player that had less than 100 games under their belt. Next, on company time, via her corporate account, she emailed the spreadsheet to Lisa’s email (also a corporate account), who then, on company time, reviewed it. After checking it out, Lisa replied via her corporate email account that she felt that Serena’s potential was being under-utilized at her job and that it made her feel sad. Serena appreciated the support.
Once all that back and forth appreciation was done, we discovered that the qualifying 100-games or more short stops were as follows: Alexei Ramirez (CHW), Cliff Pennington (OAK), Derek Jeter (NYY), Yuniesky Betancourt (KC), Cesar Izturis (BAL), Elvis Andrus (TEX), Erick Aybar (LAA), Marco Scutaro (BOS), Jason Bartlett (TB), and JJ Hardy (MIN). Ramirez and Pennington have the most games with 156 with Jeter and Betancourt following closely with 151. Since these numbers are so close together, we decided to study these four men’s statistics more closely. Of these 4 men, Jeter has the highest fielding percentage with .989, followed by Ramirez, who has .974. Since of the 4 original men, they have the highest percentage, let’s turn the spotlight more closely on Jeter and Ramirez. Ramirez played in 1376.2 innings while Jeter played in 1303.2, so Ramirez had 73 more innings/chances than Jeter to make a mistake. To boil it down further, Ramirez had 249 put outs, committing 20 errors (12 of them being fielding-related, while 8 were throwing-related). Jeter performed 182 put outs, committing just 6 errors (2 of them being fielding-related, while 4 were throwing-related). Ramirez was involved in 101 double plays, while Jeter was involved in 92. Who is the worthy short stop? We don’t know, but looking at these numbers, we don’t think choosing Jeter was a crime against nature. Perhaps Neyer needs to chill out? Maybe drink a little Dr. L or Café Patron?
Baseball Notes:
The A’s acquired outfielder David DeJesus from the Royals in exchange for Vin Mazzaro and Justin Marks on Wednesday. You might be wondering why we chose to share this piece of news with you, considering neither team is very good nor are the players involved super stars. We chose this baseball note because Vin Mazzaro, easily the hottest man on the A’s, was traded to Kansas City, which might be slightly closer to New York than Oakland, but really not close enough. Why do the A’s hate us? We were specifically looking forward to the A’s/Mets series at Citi Field this season just because we were a) confident that the Mets would actually win and b) we were going to have the chance to take Vin out for some wings at the Main Event…and perhaps assist him in relieving his sore muscles. What the hell are we supposed to do now? Now we’re left with Craig Breslow, who is adorable and Ivy League-educated, but just not as cute as Vin. *sigh*
Jeff Francoeur officially became a free agent after he was outrighted from the Rangers' 40-man roster, cleared waivers, and declined his outright assignment. Despite all of this, it doesn't mean that he won't end up with the Rangers since they've cited his fantastic personality as being a great asset to the clubhouse. We're a little peeved with Jeff right now. First, he tortured us with terrible music at Citi Field and THEN he grew a giant phallic bush on his face. Is he friggin' kidding us? Did he not read our offensive facial blog? He's offending our private parts with that monstrosity. He's a good looking man. What the hell is he thinking? It's not like it was helping him hit during the playoffs! For Pete's sakes, he batted .125 this post season! That's hardly productive in any language. Even though Jayson Werth's beard was revolting, at least he performed at the plate! It wasn't sexy by any stretch of the imagination, but he posted quality numbers! Men, please never rock a beard just because you're capable of growing it. Always make sure that the beard highlights your sex appeal before committing to it. How many times do we have to educate you in this department? We're starting to feel like broken records here! Sheesh!
MLB announced this season’s Silver Slugger Awards last night (displayed American League/National League):
1B: Miguel Cabrera/Albert Pujols
2B: Robinson Cano/Dan Uggla
3B: Adrian Beltre/Ryan Zimmerman
C: Joe Mauer/Brian McCann
P: Not Applicable/Yovani Gallardo
SS: Alexei Ramirez/Troy Tulowitzki
OF: Carl Crawford/Ryan Braun
OF: Josh Hamilton/Carlos Gonzalez
OF: Jose Bautista/Matt Holliday
DH: Vladimir Guerrero/Not Applicable
MLB also announced the winners for the Gold Gloves this week (displayed American League/National League):
1B: Mark Teixeira/Albert Pujols
2B: Robinson Cano/Brandon Phillips
3B: Evan Longoria/Scott Rolen
C: Joe Mauer/Yadier Molina
P: Mark Buehrle/Bronson Arroyo
SS: Derek Jeter/Troy Tulowitzki
OF: Ichiro Suzuki/Shane Victorino
OF: Carl Crawford/Carlos Gonzalez
OF: Franklin Gutierrez/Michael Bourn
Worthy to mention is the fact that this is Ichiro Suzuki’s TENTH Gold Glove. DANG! While that certainly is an amazing feat, that’s really not what we want to talk about today. Let’s discuss how Rob Neyer slammed Derek Jeter earning his fifth Gold Glove. The essence of his rant is that this recent award is the 4th Gold Glove that Jeter didn’t deserve. Woah. Someone’s got some Jeter Hate living inside him. Okay, sure. Derek Jeter is definitely not the BEST defensive short stop. We can support that statement. However, it’s not like the Yankees have got Serena playing short stop for them. Neyer’s ranting got us thinking. If Jeter didn’t deserve the award, then who did? Serena made an Excel spreadsheet on company time that detailed the 2010 fielding statistics for all of the short stops in the American League. Then she removed any player that had less than 100 games under their belt. Next, on company time, via her corporate account, she emailed the spreadsheet to Lisa’s email (also a corporate account), who then, on company time, reviewed it. After checking it out, Lisa replied via her corporate email account that she felt that Serena’s potential was being under-utilized at her job and that it made her feel sad. Serena appreciated the support.
Once all that back and forth appreciation was done, we discovered that the qualifying 100-games or more short stops were as follows: Alexei Ramirez (CHW), Cliff Pennington (OAK), Derek Jeter (NYY), Yuniesky Betancourt (KC), Cesar Izturis (BAL), Elvis Andrus (TEX), Erick Aybar (LAA), Marco Scutaro (BOS), Jason Bartlett (TB), and JJ Hardy (MIN). Ramirez and Pennington have the most games with 156 with Jeter and Betancourt following closely with 151. Since these numbers are so close together, we decided to study these four men’s statistics more closely. Of these 4 men, Jeter has the highest fielding percentage with .989, followed by Ramirez, who has .974. Since of the 4 original men, they have the highest percentage, let’s turn the spotlight more closely on Jeter and Ramirez. Ramirez played in 1376.2 innings while Jeter played in 1303.2, so Ramirez had 73 more innings/chances than Jeter to make a mistake. To boil it down further, Ramirez had 249 put outs, committing 20 errors (12 of them being fielding-related, while 8 were throwing-related). Jeter performed 182 put outs, committing just 6 errors (2 of them being fielding-related, while 4 were throwing-related). Ramirez was involved in 101 double plays, while Jeter was involved in 92. Who is the worthy short stop? We don’t know, but looking at these numbers, we don’t think choosing Jeter was a crime against nature. Perhaps Neyer needs to chill out? Maybe drink a little Dr. L or Café Patron?
Baseball Notes:
The A’s acquired outfielder David DeJesus from the Royals in exchange for Vin Mazzaro and Justin Marks on Wednesday. You might be wondering why we chose to share this piece of news with you, considering neither team is very good nor are the players involved super stars. We chose this baseball note because Vin Mazzaro, easily the hottest man on the A’s, was traded to Kansas City, which might be slightly closer to New York than Oakland, but really not close enough. Why do the A’s hate us? We were specifically looking forward to the A’s/Mets series at Citi Field this season just because we were a) confident that the Mets would actually win and b) we were going to have the chance to take Vin out for some wings at the Main Event…and perhaps assist him in relieving his sore muscles. What the hell are we supposed to do now? Now we’re left with Craig Breslow, who is adorable and Ivy League-educated, but just not as cute as Vin. *sigh*
Jeff Francoeur officially became a free agent after he was outrighted from the Rangers' 40-man roster, cleared waivers, and declined his outright assignment. Despite all of this, it doesn't mean that he won't end up with the Rangers since they've cited his fantastic personality as being a great asset to the clubhouse. We're a little peeved with Jeff right now. First, he tortured us with terrible music at Citi Field and THEN he grew a giant phallic bush on his face. Is he friggin' kidding us? Did he not read our offensive facial blog? He's offending our private parts with that monstrosity. He's a good looking man. What the hell is he thinking? It's not like it was helping him hit during the playoffs! For Pete's sakes, he batted .125 this post season! That's hardly productive in any language. Even though Jayson Werth's beard was revolting, at least he performed at the plate! It wasn't sexy by any stretch of the imagination, but he posted quality numbers! Men, please never rock a beard just because you're capable of growing it. Always make sure that the beard highlights your sex appeal before committing to it. How many times do we have to educate you in this department? We're starting to feel like broken records here! Sheesh!
The TBB spent the night at Foxwoods this weekend thanks to a lovely invitation from Maria. Maria scored the most amazing room at MGM Grand for a ridiculously cheap price. It had the sexiest shower we've ever seen and there was a phone next to the toilet. Not that we used the phone while sitting on the bowl, but it's comforting to know that if we were experiencing an emergency while conducting our personal business, we'd have a phone to call for help and/or the Ghostbusters. Therefore, Maria is our Super Hero of the Week! Needless to say, the TBB did not raise any money for our stadium tours this year, but we did learn a few things at Foxwoods, which we chose to share with you because you clearly give a crap:
- Putting your money on black for Roulette doesn’t always guarantee you a win. You might lose your $30 and it will suck
- Just because the Indiana Jones slot machine is making noise and flashing bright lights doesn’t mean you’re winning. Always consult the most sober individual in the group before blindly and relentlessly hitting the “Max Bet” button
- Having a bench and an enormous shower head in your shower is strongly encouraged
- Your best score in bowling usually takes place when you have less alcohol in your system, with the exception of Maria, who actually improved as her beer intake increased
- Your last $5 should NOT be put into the Village People slot machine. You should probably save it for something important. Like food. Or gas to put in the car so that you can get home
- When one TBB has a gambling problem (Lisa) and the other TBB has a drinking problem (Serena), it’s probably a good idea to avoid the following places: Foxwoods, Mohegan Sun, Atlantic City, Las Vegas, Monte Carlo, and OTB.
- Sleeping on your purse/clutch might be uncomfortable, but it’s better than sleeping on the toilet
- When betting on the Eagles/Colts game, apparently you should pick the Eagles
Friday, November 5, 2010
Would You Say, Chuck?
We were quite interested to see who you felt would win the 2011 World Series. We’re not sure if you noticed, but all of your options were teams that came in last place within their division this season…oh, and the Dallas Cowboys just for laughs. Of 7 votes, 4 people showed confidence in Buck (rhymes with…?) Showalter and the Baltimore Orioles. 1 person went with the Kansas City Royals and 2 people voted for the Seattle Mariners. We’re thinking that was The Favorite and his brother. Just a hunch. Honestly, out of this rabble, the Orioles are probably the team that will be most improved come the 2011 season. We’re pleased to see that you didn’t vote for Dallas. You’ve come a long way with your joke choices. We’re proud of you.
We found a really funny piece of news regarding Yankees fans this week. Apparently Kristin Lee, wife of Cliff Lee, and the Rangers’ CEO were unhappy with the behavior exhibited by Yankees fans during the ALCS. Let’s confront Kristin’s situation first. She claims that she was “spit on,” “cursed at,” and had “beer thrown at her.” Okay, where the hell was she when this happened and what was she doing? Was she standing on the street corner outside of Stan’s? Aren’t the players’ families kept together? If so, wouldn’t there be extra security in that vicinity? Furthermore, how the hell did anyone know who she was in order to attack her directly? We saw Leah Thompson at a café in Los Angeles and barely recognized her. Why would we recognize Cliff Lee’s wife? In fact, we don’t even know what she looks like. The only MLB wives that we’d recognize is Mrs. Maxim USA, Anna Benson and Alex Rodriguez’s ex-wife and this is only because there’s been a ton of publicity surrounding these women. We have no doubt that she witnessed ridiculous and obnoxious behavior. We’re talking about hyped up men loaded up on liquor. Never a good combination. Why don’t you come on down and experience the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mrs. Lee? See what that’s really like. The question is: was this behavior REALLY directed specifically toward her? We're doubtful.
Okay, say we let go of all our suspicions regarding her story. Let’s say we believe all of it. Why didn’t she report this offensive behavior to security immediately? We’re not sure about what happens in other cities and venues, but we’ve been to enough sporting events and concerts at New York arenas to know that security is tight and no joking matter. Lisa was forced to throw out a lunch box at Yankees Stadium because they thought it could contain suspicious material. A lunch box, people. Do you really think that drunken men would get away with spitting on someone, let alone a woman, let alone an athlete’s wife, without security throwing their weight around? If all of this happened like she said it did, why didn’t she ask for help? Those jerks would’ve been escorted out of the building at once. We’ve seen it happen all the time at Yankees Stadium, Shea Stadium, Citi Field, Madison Square Garden, and Nassau Coliseum for lesser offenses.
Rangers CEO, Chuck Greenberg, called Yankees fans “violent,” “apathetic (Serena’s personal favorite),” and “an embarrassment.” Those are some big words for someone named Chuck. Of course, Chuck made sure to compliment the “great” behavior of his own fans…because apparently Texans don’t drink and/or act out. Yeah….OKAY. He later apologized for being a rude jerk who lumped all drunk frat boys under the umbrella of “Yankees fans.” Chuck, we have a common expression here on the east coast that you may have heard of: “Assume makes an ass out of you and me.”
We’re not condoning jerk-off behavior and we’re certainly not saying that New York fans are the best behaved in the world because that’s simply not true. We’re just saying that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You must be delusional if you think that this kind of BS only happens at Yankees Stadium. Mrs. Lee, what do you think would’ve happened if the Phillies made it to the World Series and your precious husband had to face his former team? We assure you that they would not have welcomed you OR him with open arms. In fact, out of all the fans that this country has to offer, we’d wager that Phillies fans WOULD actually Google you in order to see what you look like and not for good reasons. No matter how much crap we’ve witnessed at our own stadiums, we’ve never seen someone piss on the bumper of a car driven by a fan of the opposite team or experienced 9 year old boys throwing ice at us. We’ve never read about a fan purposefully puking on another fan at Yankees Stadium. This all happened at Citizens Bank Park. We’ll chock up the pissing and the puking to high alcohol intake (even though it’s still unacceptable), but what about the kids throwing ice? Pretty sure that’s just bad behavior condoned by a-hole parents. Hey, Chuck (also rhymes with…?), is pissing on a Mets fan’s bumper an embarrassment? Or is that totally cool with you? Purposefully puking on someone else? You okay with that? What about ice throwing? Is that violent? What do you think? No? Yes? Maybe?
On to things more IMPORTANT than Chuck and Kristin, the Giants have won their first World Series since 1954 and we both won bets! Boo-yah, Rangers! One of our original fans, Mamacita, went to the celebration parade on Wednesday. Hopefully, she’ll accept our offer to write a guest blog regarding her experiences, as well as send fantastic pictures. It’ll be a nice change of pace for you. You’ll probably like her better than us anyway. She’s more attractive (she looks like Eva Mendes) and has a better personality.
In TBB career news, Jeff Wilpon has called us in for our second round of interviews for the Mets open Manager position. We flew through the first round strictly because we’re able to enunciate words properly. Unfortunately, this means that David Wright will probably have to leave the team as the details of his restraining order against us are blatantly being violated. We’ve probably got a good shot at the job being that we’re locals and the Mets have already taken Serena’s advice and fixed Jeff Francoeur’s terrible music choices…sadly, they misinterpreted her advice and got rid of him entirely, but what can ya do? Once we take over, we’ll avoid misunderstandings of that nature. Mets fans, you have nothing to fear. We’re gonna make things right. Vote TBB 2011.
Last thoughts of today’s blog involve this off season’s free agents. Of the 142 total free agents now on the market, the names of interest are Derek Jeter, Carl Crawford, Jayson Werth, Cliff Lee, Mariano Rivera, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, and Manny Ramirez. Let’s face it, the Yankees are resigning Jeter. No question. They’ll probably keep Mariano as well, but only sign him for a short term contract. And our gut tells us that the Phillies will retain Werth and his facial hair…cos’ there’s something really special about that woodland scene growing on his face.
That leaves us Carl Crawford, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, Cliff Lee and Manny Ramirez. We know that they probably don’t have the money to do so, but it would be foolish for the Rays to let Crawford walk. He’s basically the face of that franchise (even though they’ve been grooming Evan Longoria for that role). There aren’t many men that can perform like Crawford. Rays, if you’re listening, fork up the money and sign him. Have a bake sale or something if you have to. Just do it.
Cliff Lee probably won’t come to the Yankees thanks to his wife and there aren’t many options for teams who’ll be able to pay him the money he seeks. Other than the Yankees, there’s the Phillies (HA! Good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee), the Red Sox (who already has a rock solid pitching staff as long as all men stay healthy and again, good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee. Boston’s not a city for whiners), and the Mets (who…how do we say this? Don’t tend to go for men of Lee’s “type.” And in any case, this would just put Miss Prim and Proper back in New York). That leaves Lee to deal with the Rangers, a team he claims to want to remain with. He may have to accept a lower salary offer. On the flip side, the Rangers should sign Lee. They need a Cliff Lee-type pitcher in their rotation. Without an ace, their staff becomes comparable to many other teams’ pitching staffs and overall just less sexy and exciting.
The Red Sox should keep Martinez. There aren’t better options out there for a catcher and are you really going to rest the 2011 season on Jason Varitek? Probably not. We also think that, while we love him, Thome’s going to retire. He’s had a great run, but the sun is setting. We’d hate for him to retire when it’s too late. Lastly, we think that Ramirez SHOULD retire…and perhaps take a shower. We’re just throwing it out there. He’s a disaster and what he brings to the table in terms of talent no longer outweighs his baggage.
We’re giving TBB Super Hero Honors to Bob, Serena’s co-worker, because he bought her an egg sandwich today. YES!
Rounding things out with Simon and Garfinkle: “Here’s to you Mrs. Lee, Philly holds a place for those who spit. Hey, hey, hey. What’s that you say, Mrs. Lee? Philly loves you more than you could know. Woah, woah, woah.”
We found a really funny piece of news regarding Yankees fans this week. Apparently Kristin Lee, wife of Cliff Lee, and the Rangers’ CEO were unhappy with the behavior exhibited by Yankees fans during the ALCS. Let’s confront Kristin’s situation first. She claims that she was “spit on,” “cursed at,” and had “beer thrown at her.” Okay, where the hell was she when this happened and what was she doing? Was she standing on the street corner outside of Stan’s? Aren’t the players’ families kept together? If so, wouldn’t there be extra security in that vicinity? Furthermore, how the hell did anyone know who she was in order to attack her directly? We saw Leah Thompson at a café in Los Angeles and barely recognized her. Why would we recognize Cliff Lee’s wife? In fact, we don’t even know what she looks like. The only MLB wives that we’d recognize is Mrs. Maxim USA, Anna Benson and Alex Rodriguez’s ex-wife and this is only because there’s been a ton of publicity surrounding these women. We have no doubt that she witnessed ridiculous and obnoxious behavior. We’re talking about hyped up men loaded up on liquor. Never a good combination. Why don’t you come on down and experience the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mrs. Lee? See what that’s really like. The question is: was this behavior REALLY directed specifically toward her? We're doubtful.
Okay, say we let go of all our suspicions regarding her story. Let’s say we believe all of it. Why didn’t she report this offensive behavior to security immediately? We’re not sure about what happens in other cities and venues, but we’ve been to enough sporting events and concerts at New York arenas to know that security is tight and no joking matter. Lisa was forced to throw out a lunch box at Yankees Stadium because they thought it could contain suspicious material. A lunch box, people. Do you really think that drunken men would get away with spitting on someone, let alone a woman, let alone an athlete’s wife, without security throwing their weight around? If all of this happened like she said it did, why didn’t she ask for help? Those jerks would’ve been escorted out of the building at once. We’ve seen it happen all the time at Yankees Stadium, Shea Stadium, Citi Field, Madison Square Garden, and Nassau Coliseum for lesser offenses.
Rangers CEO, Chuck Greenberg, called Yankees fans “violent,” “apathetic (Serena’s personal favorite),” and “an embarrassment.” Those are some big words for someone named Chuck. Of course, Chuck made sure to compliment the “great” behavior of his own fans…because apparently Texans don’t drink and/or act out. Yeah….OKAY. He later apologized for being a rude jerk who lumped all drunk frat boys under the umbrella of “Yankees fans.” Chuck, we have a common expression here on the east coast that you may have heard of: “Assume makes an ass out of you and me.”
We’re not condoning jerk-off behavior and we’re certainly not saying that New York fans are the best behaved in the world because that’s simply not true. We’re just saying that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You must be delusional if you think that this kind of BS only happens at Yankees Stadium. Mrs. Lee, what do you think would’ve happened if the Phillies made it to the World Series and your precious husband had to face his former team? We assure you that they would not have welcomed you OR him with open arms. In fact, out of all the fans that this country has to offer, we’d wager that Phillies fans WOULD actually Google you in order to see what you look like and not for good reasons. No matter how much crap we’ve witnessed at our own stadiums, we’ve never seen someone piss on the bumper of a car driven by a fan of the opposite team or experienced 9 year old boys throwing ice at us. We’ve never read about a fan purposefully puking on another fan at Yankees Stadium. This all happened at Citizens Bank Park. We’ll chock up the pissing and the puking to high alcohol intake (even though it’s still unacceptable), but what about the kids throwing ice? Pretty sure that’s just bad behavior condoned by a-hole parents. Hey, Chuck (also rhymes with…?), is pissing on a Mets fan’s bumper an embarrassment? Or is that totally cool with you? Purposefully puking on someone else? You okay with that? What about ice throwing? Is that violent? What do you think? No? Yes? Maybe?
On to things more IMPORTANT than Chuck and Kristin, the Giants have won their first World Series since 1954 and we both won bets! Boo-yah, Rangers! One of our original fans, Mamacita, went to the celebration parade on Wednesday. Hopefully, she’ll accept our offer to write a guest blog regarding her experiences, as well as send fantastic pictures. It’ll be a nice change of pace for you. You’ll probably like her better than us anyway. She’s more attractive (she looks like Eva Mendes) and has a better personality.
In TBB career news, Jeff Wilpon has called us in for our second round of interviews for the Mets open Manager position. We flew through the first round strictly because we’re able to enunciate words properly. Unfortunately, this means that David Wright will probably have to leave the team as the details of his restraining order against us are blatantly being violated. We’ve probably got a good shot at the job being that we’re locals and the Mets have already taken Serena’s advice and fixed Jeff Francoeur’s terrible music choices…sadly, they misinterpreted her advice and got rid of him entirely, but what can ya do? Once we take over, we’ll avoid misunderstandings of that nature. Mets fans, you have nothing to fear. We’re gonna make things right. Vote TBB 2011.
Last thoughts of today’s blog involve this off season’s free agents. Of the 142 total free agents now on the market, the names of interest are Derek Jeter, Carl Crawford, Jayson Werth, Cliff Lee, Mariano Rivera, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, and Manny Ramirez. Let’s face it, the Yankees are resigning Jeter. No question. They’ll probably keep Mariano as well, but only sign him for a short term contract. And our gut tells us that the Phillies will retain Werth and his facial hair…cos’ there’s something really special about that woodland scene growing on his face.
That leaves us Carl Crawford, Victor Martinez, Jim Thome, Cliff Lee and Manny Ramirez. We know that they probably don’t have the money to do so, but it would be foolish for the Rays to let Crawford walk. He’s basically the face of that franchise (even though they’ve been grooming Evan Longoria for that role). There aren’t many men that can perform like Crawford. Rays, if you’re listening, fork up the money and sign him. Have a bake sale or something if you have to. Just do it.
Cliff Lee probably won’t come to the Yankees thanks to his wife and there aren’t many options for teams who’ll be able to pay him the money he seeks. Other than the Yankees, there’s the Phillies (HA! Good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee), the Red Sox (who already has a rock solid pitching staff as long as all men stay healthy and again, good luck with that one, Mrs. Lee. Boston’s not a city for whiners), and the Mets (who…how do we say this? Don’t tend to go for men of Lee’s “type.” And in any case, this would just put Miss Prim and Proper back in New York). That leaves Lee to deal with the Rangers, a team he claims to want to remain with. He may have to accept a lower salary offer. On the flip side, the Rangers should sign Lee. They need a Cliff Lee-type pitcher in their rotation. Without an ace, their staff becomes comparable to many other teams’ pitching staffs and overall just less sexy and exciting.
The Red Sox should keep Martinez. There aren’t better options out there for a catcher and are you really going to rest the 2011 season on Jason Varitek? Probably not. We also think that, while we love him, Thome’s going to retire. He’s had a great run, but the sun is setting. We’d hate for him to retire when it’s too late. Lastly, we think that Ramirez SHOULD retire…and perhaps take a shower. We’re just throwing it out there. He’s a disaster and what he brings to the table in terms of talent no longer outweighs his baggage.
We’re giving TBB Super Hero Honors to Bob, Serena’s co-worker, because he bought her an egg sandwich today. YES!
Rounding things out with Simon and Garfinkle: “Here’s to you Mrs. Lee, Philly holds a place for those who spit. Hey, hey, hey. What’s that you say, Mrs. Lee? Philly loves you more than you could know. Woah, woah, woah.”
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