You People Don't Even Know Us

You may recall that during the offseason, we gave you a quiz to see how well you knew us. The answers to all of the questions were available for you to look up on the world wide web. They could've been found on the blog, our Facebook page, OR our Twatter feed. This is not complicated shit, people. Yet, overall, you scored an underwhelming 40% on this quiz. How do you fail open book test? It takes a special kind of stupid to accomplish that. You did NOT graduate from TBB University. You will NOT be the next Pussycat Doll. Let's talk about this quiz and where you all went wrong. Unfortunately, the database that created this quiz does not tell us which questions you struggled with, only your final scores, therefore we'll break down each question.

First question:
What was our first out-of-town baseball stadium?
Your options were Safeco Field, PNC Park, Oriole Park, Citizen's Bank Park, or RFK Stadium. The correct answer is RFK Stadium. Do you know how simple it is to find the answer to this question? Literally scroll to the top of the blog, click "MLB Stadiums," search through the blog posts of our visited stadiums, and find which post has the oldest date. That's it. This was a no fail situation.

Next question:
Which TBB has blonde hair?
The correct answer is Serena. Yes, folks, she currently has dark brown hair and lately, she's been sticking to that color, but deep down, Serena is a natural blonde. Lisa may DYE her hair blonde, but under no circumstances is she a natural blonde. You HAD to have known that, right? LOOK at us. Which of us seems more likely to a natural blonde? Do you really look at Lisa and think she might actually have blonde hair without dye assistance? Shame. On. You.

#3:
Which TBB favored Coors Field above all other stadiums? Serena, Lisa, neither, or both?
Again, this was a no fail situation. All you had to do was scroll to the top of this blog and select, "Rank Em'!" We each rank and talk about all of the stadiums we've visited (with the exception of last year's visits...mostly because we're lazy and forgot). The correct answer is Lisa.

#4:
Who is Lisa's Forbidden Love? Joey Votto, David Wright, Cole Hammels, or Derek Jeter?
Ok. We'll admit that it's totally understandable where you could've gotten confused on this one. The answer is Cole Hammels as Lisa is a Mets fan and Hammels pitches for the hated Phillies. It's like a one-sided version of Romeo & Juliet. Like Juliet stalked the crap out of Romeo and Romeo ran away in terror. Where could you find the answer to this question? Scroll to the top of this blog and click, "TBB Cronies & Lingo." Voila.

#5:
Which TBB hates mayo? Lisa, Serena, or we both hate mayo?
The correct answer is Serena. This is something we have discussed at length regularly...on our blog, Facebook page, AND Twatter feed. When Serena's food is accidentally served to her with mayo on it, she has to cover it with a napkin because the sight of mayo disgusts her so much.

#6:
What was our first out-of-town free giveaway? Chicago Cubs license plate frame, Jack Cust bobblehead, Angels baseball hat, Mount Rushmore poster, or Teddy Roosevelt bobblehead?
Correct answer: Teddy Roosevelt bobblehead. Remember how you found the answer to our first out-of-town baseball stadium? You would've found the answer to this question the same way. Oh, and side note: we never got a free Angels hat. Lisa was given that heinous hat by The Favorite. Reading is fundamental.

#7:
Who is Winkie? The cat we adopted together from the North Shore Animal League, one of AJ's cats who tried to suck the breath from Lisa, Serena's family pet, or the imaginary cat we adopted with AJ Burnett?
For starters, without referencing the precise locations of the answer on this blog, if you knew Serena at all, you'd know that she'd never have a cat as a family pet. Secondly, we've clearly referenced AJ's cats sporadically on this blog and on Facebook as Thundercat and She-Ra. Thirdly, we have imaginary relationships with a TON of professional athletes and celebrities. It's like one giant imaginary orgy. OBVIOUSLY, we'd have an adopted imaginary pet with one of them. The precise locations of this answer can be found in both letters to AJ Burnett, "TBB Lingo & Cronies," and there's a photo of him on Facebook in one of our albums. Probably "Wall Photos."

#8:
Which New York baseball team boasts the best sausage sandwich? The Mets or Yankees?
Correct answer: Yankees! Where did you learn this tid bit of information? Back in the day when the former Yankees Stadium and Shea Stadium were still our home team venues (and back when this blog was still a virgin), we talked about how Shea Stadium had the better hot dogs and Yankees Stadium had the better sausage sandwiches. Which probably explains why Lisa finds more guidos at Yankees games than at Mets games.

#9:
Who is Serena going to leave Justin Morneau for? Barry Zito, Chris Cornell, Aaron Rogers, or Justin Verlander?
While the answer to this question is not stated outright anywhere on the blog, it can be determined through basic deductive reasoning by visiting "TBB Lingo & Cronies." There, you will see that Barry Zito is Serena's Future Ex-Husband #1 and Chris Cornell is Serena's Future Ex-Husband #2. Therefore they can't POSSIBLY be the correct answer to this question (you know why, right? Do we have to explain to you that the reason is that both of these men came BEFORE Justin?). Of the remaining choices, who is the man that we talk about incessantly on this [baseball] blog? Justin Verlander.

#10:
Which player did Lisa forget to hand a pen to when asking for an autograph? Brad Ziegler, Huston Street, Barry Zito, or Matt Cain?
Barry Zito. Where did you learn this? In our letter to Barry Zito regarding his offensive moustache. Side note: we do not have autographs from Huston Street OR Matt Cain.

#11:
Which TBB is obsessed with mini-doughnuts? Lisa or Serena?
Lisa. This obsession stems from our trip to San Francisco's Pier 39 and has been referenced in the PETCO Park and Target Field blog posts, as well as on the "While You're in Town" page.

#12:
Who is the player we refer to as the "Big Texan?" Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt, Josh Hamilton, Andy Pettitte?
Seriously, if any of you got this question wrong, you deserve a dick punch. It's a borderline weekly Facebook post. We're not even going to give you the right answer because if you don't know it, shame on you and your house!

#13:
Which TBB can quote the entire script of Willow? Lisa or Serena?
Which TBB has the mentality of a 5 year old boy? That's basically all you needed to ask yourself to figure out the answer to that question, but if you needed a little help, all you had to do is go to the "Meet Serena" page and see that one of her favorite things is the movie Willow.

#14:
At what stadium did we witness major side boob? "Old" Yankees Stadium, Citi Field, Citizen's Bank Park, or Dodger Stadium?
Yankees Stadium. You could've figured this out by reading any of these stadiums' blog posts.

#15:
Where did Lisa get roofied? And then turn around and accidentally roofie Serena? New York, Philly, Minneapolis, Oakland, or Milwaukee?
Minneapolis and you could've found this information had you read about our recommendations for good time in Minneapolis on our "While You're in Town Page."

In conclusion, you suck. And you're still not getting a poll.

Erin and The Favorite are coming to town this weekend. Serena will be going to Sunday's Yankees game with them (she'll cover the out of towners' first Yankees Stadium experience for the blog separately) and then on Tuesday, we'll be escorting the duo to Citi Field (also to be covered on the blog).

This week's baseball notes:
RA Dickey's been struggling with his new team, sporting an over 4 ERA (closer to 5, to be quite frank) and a 2-3 record. He attributes the issues to ongoing shoulder and back problems, which has caused him to throw his knuckleball slower. He is expected to get an MRI on the problem areas in the near future.

Also set to get an MRI is Kevin Youkilis, who continues to suffer from a stiff back. We're confident that MRI results will show an enormous stripper pole jammed up his rectum. Remind us again why the Yankees signed him? They could've signed Eric Chavez to hold down the fort at third until AROD's return for half off and they would've had a bad ass third baseman in the process. Now they have a tool box that looks like a cracker jack at third when he does play and rides the bench with a stiff back the rest of the time. What. Purpose. Does. He. Serve? Except to annoy the ever the loving crap out of Serena.

What Would Make This Day More Special?

Sooo, you guys are no longer getting polls. Last week's poll was blantantly ignored and previous polls received minimal feedback. Congratulations. You get nothing and like it.

Stadium Tour Update: up until yesterday afternoon, we had almost nothing booked for a stadium tour that's taking place in two months. All we had was tickets to the stadium tours and the games. No plane to get us to and from St. Louis. No place to stay. No mode of transportation to get us to and from Kansas City. The worst part is that we didn't even realize that we haven't done anything until two days ago. So that's swell. Yesterday, Serena booked our hotel (the lovely Hilton St. Louis Downtown within walking distance of the stadium) and our rental car for the Kansas City trip. We still have no flights to get us to and from St. Louis, but at the very least, when we get there, we'll have a place to sleep. Win.

It's too early in the season for a "Facial Hair Around the League" post, but we assure you that when the appropriate day arrives, THIS is going to be addressed:

The Google/Bing is referring to this snazzy style as a "skullet." Whatever the f*ck that means. All this "do" seems to accomplish is make Bryce Harper look like an a-hole. He already IS an a-hole, but that doesn't mean you should LOOK like one too. Harper, we forbid you to continue taking shaving advice from Jayson Werth. The Nationals do not need 2 Missing Links playing for them. At this rate, the entire bad segment of facial hair blog post is just going to consist of Nationals players.

This week's baseball notes are riddled with injuries:
The big news is that Derek Jeter will most likely not be returning to action until after the All Star Break, which is later than initially anticipated. Turns out that Jeter had re-fractured his ankle and he'll be unable to resume rehab activities for at least 4-8 weeks.

The Nationals have placed Ryan Zimmerman on the 15-day DLbecause of a strained left hamstring. In his place, the Nats have called up prospect Anthony Rendon from Double-A.

The Indians have placed Brett Myers on the 15-day DL with elbow inflammation.

Kevin Youkilis has back problems, but who cares? From what Serena can tell, he's not that impressive of a first baseman. Perhaps if he removed the pole from his ass, his back would feel vastly improved. Shane Victorino is also suffering from back issues and at the very least, was benched for the first game of today's doubleheader.

A's Brett Anderson supposedly "feels a lot better" since being removed from his start in the first inning on Friday with a sprained ankle. Well, congratulations, Brett. Glad you're feeling "better." Your presence on Tigers Love Pepper has been entirely useless. He'll be evaluated before his next start, which is on Wednesday.

By the way, the answer to this blog title's question is if SpikeTV followed up Temple of Doom with Last Crusade. It certainly isn't Harper's skullet.

Madness? THIS. IS. SPARTA!

We hope you enjoyed our solo accounts of Opening Day. Hopefully, next year, we can actually attend each other's Opening Days like we'd originally planned. But now that we've written that, we probably just jinxed ourselves. Yesterday, we ran in the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field and we promise we'll tell you all about it and post pictures, but first we feel compelled to inform you that we're writing this blog while drinking beer. This may get sloppy near the end.

Before we get into the nitty gritty of the race, it's time for us to discuss Best Team Name in Spartan Race History (mind you, we've only been to one race, but we're pretty confident in our decisions). In first place is none other but, us, "The Fear Boners (raging in your pants)." In second place, we have "Morning Wood (we go hard)." Their logo was a sun holding a piece of wood. To Team Gerard Butlers, we give third place. Yes, Butlers pluralized. There was more than one Gerard Butler. Serena also appreciated Team Stark (Game of Thrones reference), but unfortunately, they weren't enough to get into the Top 3. If the logo had been of Sean Bean's face instead of the direwolf sigil, THEN we would've had a competition going. This reminds us, why isn't there a meme for, "one does not simply show up to a Spartan Race without training?" Because that's us. Lisa did zumba and following the Yoga Journal Conference, Serena sat around catching up on her shows via the internet machine.

Ok, now for the Spartan Sprint a la Pop Up Video-style:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you enjoyed our innovative form of lazy blogging. We will be wearing our medals all day tomorrow.

Now for this week's baseball notes:
By now, we've all seen the clip of Carlos Quentin trying to level Zack Greinke for hitting him with a pitch on the shoulder. As a result of the brawl, Greinke will be out for at least 8 weeks with a broken collarbone, which is a glorious waste of money. Quentin will be serving an 8-game suspension due to his actions in the fight. For starters, Greinke is half of Quentin's size and secondly, Quentin got hit on the lousy shoulder. Was Quentin on his period or something? Who charges the mound for something so stupid? Unless Greinke beaned him on the shoulder and followed it up with, "Your mother was easy all night long," Quentin looks like a real a-hole in this scenario.

Andy Pettitte's start has been pushed back again due to back spasms, which begs the obvious question. How much sex do the Pettittes have that this man has had to skip two starts? More importantly, how does Serena get in on the action (minus the Mrs.)?

Clay Buchholz took a no-no into the 8th today against the Rays in the Sox's 5-0 victory. Kelly Johnson's broken-bat single leading off the inning didn't really do much in terms of preventing the Rays from getting their butt kicks, but it, at the very least, prevented another douchebag from having a no-hitter.

Yankees Opening Day 2013

April 1, 2013
Strangely enough, this year’s opening day experience felt like one giant “That’s What She Said” joke as opposed to an actual baseball game. I mean, I barely recognized the lineup that the Yankees fielded that day, one of the players sounded more like a brand of tomato sauce (Ben Francisco – FranCISCO, that’s fun to say!) and I had the privilege of staring at an a-hole play firstbase for most of the game. Plus, there were actual “that’s what she said” jokes being made throughout the entire day. The rumors are true. The joke does not get old. I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

The beginning of our story begins in Staten Island. Our ride needed to make a pit stop in Staten Island before heading to the game, so he dropped Jess and I off at a sh*t-hole diner in a really sexy part of Staten Island (said no one ever) for the better part of 2 hours while he gallivanted about conducting his business. Initially, the men working the diner seemed excited to have two young females with big boobs and all of their teeth walk in to their establishment. We even got free coffee out of the deal. However, after a solid 45 minutes of our personalities, our boobs weren’t nearly big enough to get away with our behavior. I’m not sure anyone’s boobs are big enough to be quite honest. When we were done eating, there was simply not enough to do at the diner to keep us occupied, so we settled for texting our ride incessantly like real f*cking a-holes:

“You said 40 minutes. It’s been more than 40 minutes.”
“A man with a hearing aid told us to be quiet.”
“Where is the closest tourist shop? Jess would like to purchase an ‘I love Staten Island’ t-shirt. Perhaps a snow globe of the Staten Island ferry.”
“Does Staten Island have WiFi?”
“There are a lot of construction workers in here. Is that common for Staten Island?”
“They want to know when our Uncle is coming to pick us up.”
(he actually laughed aloud at the last two)

When we were finally collected at 11:30, the guys at the diner practically threw a parade in our honor. I’ll admit that I’ve been inside quite a few female strip clubs and I assure you that I’ve never seen a happier group of men than these three guys when we exited the premises.

We apparently exerted a lot of energy acting like complete d*ckheads at the diner because Jess took a brief power nap on the way to the Stadium whereas I seemed to have temporarily blacked out because I have almost zero recollection of the drive. It was either incredibly uneventful or I’d been roofied back at the diner. On our approach to the Stadium from the Major Deegan, I managed to snap a few photos of the utter beauty that is the Bronx for you. I figured you’d enjoy it.

Okay, this photo isn’t so bad. It actually creates the illusion that Yankees Stadium is located in a lovely, peaceful location. It’s not.

Walking from the parking lot to the stadium, I had the fortune of needing to follow this fool:

Don’t you think it’s a little early to be jumping on this a$$ clown’s band wagon? Actually, I’m gonna go ahead and say that you shouldn’t EVER jump on this a$$ clown’s band wagon. EVER.

We settled into our awesome seats to wait for the pre-game ceremonies, which was a fairly difficult task for us since we were hungry…again. But we managed...with a touch of goofiness.

We (me) showed my Big Texan some love:

I can’t stress enough the awesome view we had of the CC Sabathia/Jon Lester matchup. It was amazing. Too bad the action sucked, as Brother would say, a bag of dicks. More on that later.

We held a moment of silence for Bob Turley, old time Yankee pitcher who’d died on Saturday.

The moment of silence for Turley, however, wasn’t nearly as heavy or sad as the league-wide moment held for the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy. I can’t speak for what other teams did, but the Yankees’ scoreboard showed a scrolling list of the names of the victims.

 

Former Rock of Ages star, Constantine Moroulis sang the National Anthem. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Constantine. He’s an adorable, scruffy, dark-haired (yes, yes, yes) rocker boy (honestly, is there a man out there that can out-sex a rocker boy? No. I think not) that used to perform epic 80’s rock tunes on Broadway. I am pretty sure that I just described the ideal male. All this man needs is a cigar and a bottle of Johnny or Jameson. Having said that, I’m pretty confident that he invented his own lyrics to the National Anthem. I don’t know if I should be proud of his artistry or offended that an American citizen potentially doesn’t know the correct words to his nation’s Holy Grail of songs. 

One of Mamadukes’ favorite Yankees, Sweet Lou (Piniella) threw out the ceremonial first pitch. I actually got a snippet of video for you. I’m so proud of myself because it had been so long since I used the video feature on my camera that I actually forgot what I was doing and just pressed every button on the camera in hopes that I caught something…anything really. I was and am not picky.

Here’s the bad news about our seats. I had to look at this a-hole for most of the game:

Annnnnnd with Sabathia’s first pitch, we were off!

Literally. Jess and I were starving. We needed sustenance. We couldn’t possibly concentrate on baseball on a semi-empty stomach. Imagine. Listening to your Food Baby whine and jibber jab while trying to focus on Sabathia’s first performance of the season. Thankfully, a Premio sausage stand was two feet away from our seats. It was like Baby Jesus wanted us to be happy. And by Baby Jesus, I mean Joe Mauer, not the actual baby Jesus. The line at the stand was super short as well! BONUS! We might have to stare at an a-hole playing first all day, but we’d at least be feeding while we suffered. Fatty baseball food and booze can alleviate just about any pain.

Turns out, Baby Jesus was mocking us. This was the longest short line in the history of mankind. I’ve taken quicker showers than this line moved (as a reference point, I take such long showers that Brother has asked if I’ve managed to solve world hunger while in there). We each ordered a foot long hot dog, Italian sausage sandwich (hot for me, sweet for Jess) and a beer for $26.25/each. The amusing part of that order is when I ordered what I wanted, the woman asked, “Do you want to pay for this together?” Jess made a face and replied, “That’s HER order! I want the same thing though.” By the time we got back to our seats, it was already the top of the 2^nd inning. How long does it take you to fetch two already made sausages and hot dogs? This is what our food looks like together in all its glory:

And since you’re a bunch of perverts, here are the phallic photos of us eating our food:

We decided to take the sausage photo ourselves because of the creepy dude (who you can see in the background of the sausage photo) who enjoyed taking the hot dog photo WAY too much.
Creeper: “I’ll take another one if you want.” Winky face.
Jess: “Yeah, I’m sure you will.”

As for the Yankees, their Cracker Jack defense and Sabathia’s inconsistency gave up 4 runs. Fantastic. The offense, on the other hand, only accomplished picking their nose and flicking it at the Red Sox on the field.

Speaking of the Red Sox, Dustin Pedroia, his gross facial hair makes him look like “a little fur monger” (according to my notes on the game).

I feel it necessary to comment on our neighbor sitting in front of us because I’m a bitch. He was an international tourist enjoying his first baseball game. For starters, everyone could see his passport hanging out of his back pocket. He was basically begging to be robbed. This is the Bronx, not Uptown Manhattan. Secondly, he chose to drink Budweiser…the King of Beers. Coming from Europe, you’d think his taste in beer was better.  Lastly, he was a big fan of “Love Fool” by The Cardigans. Nevermind the strange situation that would prompt Yankees Stadium to play that song in the first place. This dude straight up jammed out to the song. There was an air guitar involved. Who does air guitar to The Cardigans?

Things continued to go downhill on the field for the Yankees. The jack wagon filling in for Mark Teixeira at first is apparently unable to field a bunt, which by definition makes him an a-hole. This is the man that’s supposed to be replacing Alex Rodriguez at third. AROD is a lot of things: pretty, fragile, dumb as a doorknob. At the VERY LEAST, the man can field his position properly. The Yankees really should’ve considered starting me in Tex’s place. I’m a borderline expert on bunting. In our seats, we had other issues:

It was around this time also that I was informed that my “breasts pay property taxes.” In case the joke is above your heads, it basically means that my boobs are so big, they’re a piece of property that warrants taxes to be paid on them.

In the top of the 7^th, Old Man Ed fetched us each a Lobel’s steak sandwich (FYI: $16) and a Stella (a lot of money for a beer…I don’t know. I didn’t pay). The Red Sox were winning by 5-2 at this point. Good times.

Jess’ neighbor was an enormous fan of 80’s music. Jess had to endure him singing along to every single 80’s song that Yankees Stadium’s PA system played. Not anything current though. Snoop was definitely not on his list of favorite songs. By the end of the game, Jess had had enough. “If he wasn’t so enthusiastic about the YMCA, I might’ve been able to endure Queen.”

With the Red Sox winning 8-2 in the 9^th, it was time for us to leave. In the car, we ate leftover munchkins and argued about who needed to charge their phone more.

Since I was the passenger, I got the task of plugging everyone’s charger into one outlet or another. The USB port for Jess’ iPhone proved most challenging:
“I can’t find the hole.”
“You need to get your head in there.”
“I still can’t find it!”
“Really get your head down there!”
“I can’t see! It’s too dark!”
“Did you get it in?”
“Oh, I found it!”
Yup. You guessed it. “That’s what she said.” It doesn’t get old.

Mets Opening Day

April 1st, 2013

After a long off season that dealt us with hurricanes and snowstorms of epic proportions. Spring has finally sprung and Baseball is back. Every year I look forward to attending Mets Opening day mainly because we leave the past behind us and any anger we have we try not to bring going into the new season. This feeling of forgiveness and acceptance usually only lasts about the first inning but we get an E for effort that day for trying. I usually go with super Mets jinx Laurie but she was a sell out this year and decided to spend the week lounging in the sun in another country. Fellow TBB Serena was not an option since the Mets and Yankees decided to be life ruiners and set the games for the same exact time making it impossible for us to attend both Opening Day festivities. Someone really needs to work on this teleportation sh*t. I decide to bring with me my dear old man. Pops joins us for Opening day and so my story begins.

We leave for Citi Field at 11:00 am for the 1:10 game against the San Diego Padres. I usually get to Citi Field around 10 am on Opening day and spend hours chugging beer and grilling in the parking lot but I knew tailgating with Pops was not an option. On the way to Citi Field disgruntle Mets fan that my father is starts with his disapproval of the Dickey trade. I try to change the subject and say “How many homeruns do you think we will see today Dad?” Dad says:” A lot from San Diego” Way to be optimistic I see where I get my sarcastic attitude from.

When I get off the exit to the stadium there are many officers of the law directing traffic. Pops decides to flag one over from doing his job to flash the officer a distant family members PBA card thinking that this will allow him to park in “Special Parking” FAIL! This is embarrassing moment number one folks. Embarrassing moment number two is not far behind. At the entrance into the ballpark while getting padded down by security Pops makes an inappropriate joke that I can not share but it did make the security guard laugh so no harm done. Our free giveaway is a magnetic schedule that I was not impressed with. In fact last year when the Mets emailed me a survey about the free giveaways I rated this giveaway a one. On a scale of one being the worst. Clearly my opinion means nothing. We stop on the main level to take this sweet father/daughter photo under the scoreboard and made sure to get the All Star Game sign it , cause that’s not advertised in every nook and granny of the stadium.( Insert your  awwwwwwwww! for the photo)

This is our view from our overpriced seats. They were not a bad view at all I just know that during the season these seats are $12 as opposed to the $64 you were charging them for Opening Day.

On the field before the game started they honored 500 first responders that tended to Hurricane Sandy victims. They included members of the Military, Police and Fired department.  In center field volunteers from Habitat for Humanity formed a house shape arrangement. There was also a moment of silence for both Hurricane Sandy and Newton Town victims .

They proceed to announce TOWSNBN and the 2013 Mets.

 Actress Emma Rossum from the television show Shameless sang the National Anthem. She did an amazing job. I was unaware she had such a beautiful voice. Some people have all the luck she gets to be hot AND talented oh and let’s face it she is on a hit show so she has money too! I’m so jelly as those annoying teenagers would say.

 

It is at this time that I should tell you that I bought myself a cool new camera with outstanding zoom. I like to think TOWSNBN just realized this. Look at his reaction of frustration to the news.

It’s about that time where my stomach decides that it needs food now otherwise there is no telling what will happen. I tell Dad that I’ll be right back that I am getting foods. Dad pulls $20 out of his wallet and says “Get me a hamburger and whatever else you want” My heart melts he has no clue what a wildebeest his daughter is furthermore he clearly does not realize just how much food is at the stadium. While I am away I am told that Rusty Staub threw the first pitch.

I get back to the seats to find my father not in our original seats and chewing some lady’s ear off about the Dickey trade yet again. She seems to agree with him. My father informs me that he moved so a family could all sit together. I got my dad his hamburger and I got a cheeseburger and a beer in an All Star Game collector’s cup (I should tell you that at the beer stand I see ASG Budweiser coming soon. I think to myself “Oooh a new beer!!” It takes me until Friday nights game that I realize ASG stands for All Star Game.) Dad asks for change. I don’t have the heart to tell him that I actually had to put $6 in. After I confess Dad reminisces about when he would go to Shea Stadium and how hot dogs outside the stadium were 10 cents and hot dogs in the stadium were 50 cents. Well at least there is consistency in the rapping of wallets over the decades. Pops and I are not impressed with the burgers at all! They were burnt and small. I got the burgers at one of the concession stands by our section that’s what I get for being lazy and not making the trip down to the Shake Shack.

It’s finally game time and the pitching match up was Johnathon Niese for the Mets and Edinson Volquez for the Padres. At Daniel Murphy’s first at bat “Happy Birthday “was song to him. It was orchestrated by The 7 Line and his army. Well played!! I tried to video tape it unfortunately the two drunk boys in the back round over power my efforts but I definitely heard it faintly from my seats.

The Mets scored the first run on Ruben Tejada’s RBI double in the 2^nd and John Buck scores making it 1-0. Niese singles bringing Tejada home and the score is now 2-0. My father and I look at each other in amazement.

In the top of the 3^RD San Diego gets on the board when Carlos Quentin singles on a ground ball sending Chris Denorfia home. It’s now 2-1.

In the bottom of the 3^RD Myrlon Byrd Singles and TOWSNBN scores it is now 3-1

Lot’s of hitting is going on I am getting so confused I look around to make sure I was at Citi Field watching the Mets. John Buck then singles and Byrd scored making the score 4-1. We continue to scratch our heads and rub our eyes all while enjoying this strange feeling of winning. I decide I am still hungry and send dad on a run to get me more beer and a hot dog. He looks at me and shakes his head as he says to me “This is why your not married you’ll eat the poor guy out of house and hold”

In the bottom of the 4^th more hitting is had for the Mets. Murphy singles on a line drive Collin Cowgill goes to 3rd and Niese scores it is now 5-1. TOWSNBN grounds out and Cowgill comes home 6-1. Byrd singles to left field and now the birthday boy scores. Score stands at 7-1. I am speechless at this point. I have no words. The lady my dad was chatting it up with insists my father is good luck. I contemplate leaving him in section 531 and forwarding his mail to flushing.

It is now the top of the 5^th inning and my father would like to leave the game. He is cold and complaining about the wind. In his defense he was just getting over bronchitis and he has this thing with traffic he kind of hates it.  I buy my time by making ridiculous bets with him. I tell him if Lucas Duda hits a homerun we can leave. I know this is not happening so I am safe for now. Look at what “A DUD “did in the game at this point. (For those who don’t know my pops says Lucas Duda is A DUD and that’s what his name is spelled backwards) Ike Davis is not getting off the hook so easy. Look at what both clowns contributed so far.

In the top of the 6^th Yonder Alonso of the Padres tacks on another run by hitting a homerun it is now 7-2 and I decide to cave in to my father’s demand after the 6^th inning is over. We walk back to the car blast the heat because being so close to god in those seats we need to defrost. As we defrost and pull out of the stadium we hear uproar. My dad assumes the Mets bullpen has f’ed it up and it is now a tie game which would make sense. I turn the radio to the game and find that Collin Cowgill had just hit a grand slam. I turn to Dad and snarl at him. He says “Just think it’s going to look so much better when you see it tonight on the replay “

THE END!