Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day 2015

It's that time of year, folks. The annual celebration of the wonderful Tim Lincecum. We know you've all been looking forward to seeing what we've been up to with our good friend, Timmy. Well, without further delay, let's discuss the many facets of Tim Lincecum.

Most recently, Timmy took some time off from baseball to join us at last night's lightsaber fight in Washington Square Park in the city. We joined the side of the Jedi and Timmy decided to be a real jerk and side with the Sith. He also purchased a horse mask at a nearby Halloween store and attacked Spiderman.

In November, Timmy joined us for a friend's wedding and we had some fun in a photo booth. Honestly, it being November, he had nothing better to do but attend a wedding with us. He was very popular with the elderly ladies. He danced the mashed potato and the twist all night long. He also wore a dress (we all know how he loves to cross dress) and caught the bouquet at the end of the night.

 Timmy loves to run. We don't know if you knew that, but he does. He also loves zoo animals. So running a 5K at a zoo was a perfect way to spend the day.Unfortunately (and surprisingly), Timmy isn't really good at much and he ended up suffering from a big toe cramp in the first mile and had to be escorted via golf cart to the finish line. It was pretty pathetic. Us, on the other hand, broke a gazillion records and finished the 5K in 10 minutes. We actually took 1st and 2nd place overall out of thousands of people.

 Timmy feels like we've been pretty terrible at activity lately. Which is bullshit, but whatever. He decided to take us rock climbing. Timmy next graduated from the children's ABC wall, but we did pretty good. Our guide felt that we were so good at it, that he showed us "bouldering." We were pretty epic. After rock climbing, Timmy treated us to Chipotle. As wealthy as he is, Timmy is also pretty frugal. Good thing we enjoy his company so much.

He was a little bored during his visits to us this year, but we promised to make it up to him. We've already discussed Halloween. He's decided to dress as Storm. He may also run a half-marathon with us. He's really into the whole, "running while wearing a tutu thing."

2014 Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day

It's that time of year again. The annual celebration of the man we know as Tim Lincecum. We realize that we are a few days late, but we had a lot of activities going on and as you know, we no longer blog on weekends that bookend a bank holiday. If the post office is closed, so then are we. Timmy and us have had a pretty rockin' year so far. If we're to be quite frank, it's hardly surprising that Timmy's been having the season he's been having so far. We've made him so happy!!!! Plus, he's been following our exercise regiment religiously. The San Francisco Giants should basically have us on their payroll because we're the meaning in Timmy's life. We're his inspiration. They should also give us health benefits and a 401(K) plan so that we can leave our current jobs to pursue a career in traveling baseball babes that life coach and encourage you to make poor decision for good reasons.

ANYWHO, let's talk about our most recent Timmy adventures. We know you've been dying to hear about them.

To celebrate New Year's, we got all dolled up to attend a fancy gala at a nearby country club. As you can see, Timmy decided to go drag. He was jealous of Serena's Girls and wanted to show off his as well.

Soon after, he decided to try out his skills at stand up comedy and booked a gig at Foxwoods. Since he's our #1 BFF, we HAD to support him, so we dragged Maria with us to see his show. Sadly, he's just not that funny. Tomatoes were thrown. The paparazzi took this photo of us:

Timmy had never been a fan at an opening day before, so he made it a point this season to blow off his own team and join us at Yankees' Opening Day. He loved it. He ate 6 Italian sausages and then later threw up in a garbage can. He also took a billion selfies...or shall we say, "Hervies?"

He briefly joined us for an afternoon in Pittsburgh. On his off days, Timmy likes to wear short shorts. He recently purchased a package at the European Wax Center to keep his long stems silky smooth all year round.

Finally, he joined us at the Foam Fest 5K this year and had a great time getting all foamy with us. He agreed with us that there was too much running and not enough foam, but he loves his medal.

We have plans to hook up for Halloween, so hopefully those will be some epic photos for you. We plan on spending the evening getting him sloshed and trying to convince him never to grow facial hair ever again.

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day 2013

Wednesday marks our 5th Annual Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! We know that you expected us to post about our trip to Busch Stadium today, but to be frank, we felt this topic infinitely more important. We knew that you'd agree with us on this subject.

We know that you're dying to know what Timmy did with us this year (besides pitching like an a$$ clown for 75% of the season) and we're more than happy to enlighten you. We started the year off with a bang by running in our underwear for the Children's Tumor Foundation.

 In keeping with our new "healthy lifestyle," we also ran in the Spartan Sprint at Citi Field in April (notice how Timmy refused to hold our hand or run with us. He's a real a-hole sometimes)...

...but not before getting sh*t faced on St. Patrick's Day...

or at the Beer Festival for Serena's birthday at the Nassau Coliseum. So, apparently even though we're all living "healthy" lifestyles, none of us have quit drinking.

At the Running of the Balls, Timmy didn't feel like running, so he dressed as a testicle in order to show his support for Fred #1.

There are more pictures of us partying together, but they're extremely inappropriate to post on the World Wide Web. Timmy's publicist and our parents would be very disappointed in us if we did that.

As is typical with Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day, it's time for our "Fun Facts About Timmy" segment. Did you know...
...that Timmy pitched his first career no-hitter this year on July 13th?
...that Timmy is often mistaken for Mitch Kramer when we're out at the bars? Don't know who Mitch Kramer is? Log onto Netflix and rent Dazed and Confused.
...there is a Tim Lincecum bobblehead beer tap at Beechwood Brewing & BBQ in Long Beach, Ca that was created out of a free giveaway?
...his favorite movie is Grandma's Boy?
...that he loves Hall & Oats? He sings Sara's Smile at the top of his lungs during all of our road trips. It's embarrassing. He's a terrible singer.
...that he bought a used car from Dave Roberts? It was an 06' Mercedes CLS.
...that he and KD Lang share the same hair stylist? That's why he has such a horrible haircut. After screaming at him for his stupidity, we offered him vastly improved alternatives for his next trip to the barber: Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C, and Exhibit D.

Baseball Notes:
The Return of Alex Rodriguez and a successful hidden ball trick as performed by the Tampa Bay Rays. Want to know more? It's called The Google. It's time for us to feed now.

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day 2012

After running the Runyon 5K at Yankees Stadium on Sunday, we actually sucked it up and blogged despite being very tired. We had a lot to cover over the following weeks so we asked you what you were most excited to hear about. Sadly, only 5 people voted. Only 2 f*cking people gave a crap about Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! TWO! Our blog is practically dedicated to this man and you don't even give a crap about his holiday. 3 of you wanted to hear about the Mickey Mantle exhibit at Yankees Stadium (which is not very large so we don't know why you're so passionate about it). NO ONE wanted to hear about our experience running a 5K at Yankees Stadium. Are you freakin' kidding us? We ran on the damn warning track...for cancer! And we did it disabled. Lisa had the Black Lung and Serena had shin splints. The course included 4 million stairs or some sh*t like that and we were not allowed to use the elevator. You people are so damn selfish.

Welcome to the 4th Annual Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! Boy, have we had some good times with Timmy this past year. It's insane how much we've done with him. We're not sure how we're going top this next year. For starters, he joined us at the the Superbowl Parade to celebrate the New York Giants defeat of the New England Patriots. Even though he's not from New York, he's quite fond of Eli Manning and flying toilet paper.

As you can see, in the offseason, Timmy is a little broader. You'll find out why in the Fun Facts Section. After the parade, we headed over to McGee's, which is the inspiration for McLaren's Irish Pub in How I Met Your Mother. Tim's favorite character on the show is Marshall.

To celebrate the 50th Anniversary of James Bond, Serena threw a Casino Royale party. An avid Bond fan, Timmy was in attendance. He's great at counting cards. He kicked all of our asses at BlackJack. As we all know, Lisa has a gambling problem and lost all of her chips. She had to borrow from Timmy.

At the end of the evening, after we all had too much to drink, he cuddled with Serena.

In March, Jess and Timmy celebrated Serena's birthday with us Atlantic City-style. Timmy came up with the idea of having a cross-dressing evening, which is why we're in suits and and Timmy is in that lovely sparkling green dress that Jess loaned him for the night. We smoked cigars and drank scotch while Timmy smoked his Parliament Lights from a cigarette holder and drank cosmos all evening.

St. Patrick's Day was so amazing, we can barely remember it. Timmy made us do Jameson shots, which as everyone knows, is an instant pants dropper. That's why Serena woke up the next day with her skirt hiked up around her boobs. There may or may not have been an awkward threesome that evening. We cannot confirm or deny this as we had too much to drink and cannot remember.

Just a few weekends ago, we returned to Atlantic City to celebrate Maureen's bachelorette party. Timmy was allowed to join us girls because he's like one of the girls anyway. He tried to convince us to do a cross-dressing evening again, but it was just getting weird, so we declined. He, however, insisted that he wear a dress. Not totally sure why.

It's time for our traditional Fun Facts about Tim Section! Did you know....
...that Timmy has worn his ratty-looking cap in every major league game that he has ever pitched in? It's a superstition. Rumor has it that the cap doesn't stink despite not being washed. It is said that he had an investigative reporter sniff it for proof. He is a rare young man that knows what Febreeze is for.
...that at age 14, he could do a back flip from standing start?
...that he can walk across the room on his hands? It makes Lisa happy to see him do this.
...that he often made his little league all star teams, but didn't start?
...that in 2011, Tim packed on 20 lbs., hoping to improve his endurance? It didn't work, so he quit eating fast food and dropped the weight during the offseason. Maybe if he had tried gaining weight by adding muscle, he would've had different results?
...that Tim made his high school varsity golf team even though he had only played 27 holes when he tried out?
...that Tim got a new puppy? He named it Kayo in honor of his grandfather who was a boxer.
...that in 2011, Tim passed Christy Mathewson as the all-time leader in double-digit strikeout games?
...that he is the first Giant to have 4 consecutive seasons off 200+ strikeouts?
...that in 2011, Tim became just the 6th pitcher since 1900 to have a losing record despite recording 200 strikeouts and posting an ERA under 2.75?
...that for a typical meal at In-N-Out, he eats 3 double doubles without lettuce or tomato, 2 orders of fries, and a chocolate-strawberry milkshake for a total of approximately 3,100 calories? F*CK YOU, Timmy! You should be a fat ass! We're sorry, we shouldn't have yelled at you like that. We love you.
...that if you had looked under the bill of his cap when he pitched for the University of Washington, you would've seen 161 slash marks neatly tallied in rows representing each strikeout he recorded in 112 innings as a freshman?
...that Tim does a dead-on impression of Gollum from Lord of the Rings? It never fails to creep Serena out.
...that he has sung verses of Bobby Brown's "My Perogative" on a Seattle-area sports radio program?

We hope that you've enjoyed this year's Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! It's now time for this week's installment of Baseball Notes! Melky Cabrera seriously f*cked up. He's now serving a 50-game suspension that will cause him to miss the rest of the season and part of next season for testing positive for testoserone, a performance-enhancing substance. Don't men just produce testoserone? Why did he need extra? Was his facial hair not growing fast enough for him? He will not be paid during this suspension and Serena has angrily dropped him from Tigers Love Pepper. A-hole!

Derek Lowe is the newest addition to the New York Yankees pitching staff. He signed the contract on Monday, two weeks after being designated for assignment by the Cleveland Indians. Lowe pitched 4 shut-out innings in Monday night's game against Texas, giving him his first regular season save since 2001 while with Boston.

Starting next week, Citi Field and Yankees Stadium will function as the guinea pigs for a new instant replay system that will judge balls hit down each foul line. Eventually, they're going to expand the system's usage to track balls hit to the outfield to judge whether or not the ball was trapped. Fantastic. So the MLB is now the NFL. Will there also be a 2 minute timeout? Flags on the play? Will managers be able to throw a challenge flag? The MLB is just dicking around with the game too much now. Instant replay on home runs, additional wild card teams, and now instant replays on foul balls and balls hit to the outfield? What's next? Reviews of stolen bases and plays at first base? Cut the sh*t, Bud Selig. Cut the sh*t. The game is long enough as it is.

A little bit of this a little bit of that …

Welcome back followers. The TBB was out of commission last week due to some bridesmaid duties that needed to be taken care of.  I have good news and bad news this week. The good news is that there will be a post today the bad news is that it’s just me Lisa blogging. We apologize we know how much you guys hate change and when we are apart.  Let’s just move forward shall we? Last week we discussed in depth detail about the lack of epic performance with our honorary TBB Timmy so we asked “What’s up with Timmy?” Ten of you came out of your slumber to let your voice be heard and the results are as follows. Only one thinks that poor Timmy might actually be hurt. We hope not big things are in store for him for on this years Tim Lincecum appreciation day. Two of you think he should go back to the habit and smoke weed while three of you think he should drink heavily before his start. Obviously the TBB agree did you guys not see the strict schedule we gave him. Last but not least and the winner of the poll was that he is just way too excited for the 3^RD annual Tim Lincecum appreciation day. I guess everything should go back to normal then by mid August.
 

Since we are on the subject of Timmy, did anyone catch his last game July 14^th? Well we are happy to announce that little Timmy had eight shut out innings when the Giants played the Astros last Saturday as well as 11 strikeouts. Timmy also scored the games first run in the fifth when he scored from third base on Melky Cabrera’s single to right field. It looks like Timmy followed the strict regiment we gave him. If you are reading this and have no clue what we are talking about then please click here before you read on. The only reason why Timmy did not pitch the perfect game as stated was because we think he might of missed one or two prank calls to Barry Zito which probably threw the regiment off a bit and his fake mustache probably fell off. These were key steps that were needed to be followed to ensure the perfect game. Serena and I are totally taking credit for this improvement and the SF Giants and fans can thank us at a later time. Have no fear we will come up with something outrageous to demand like a lifetime supply of taco bell and a pet shark for Serena. We are helping MLB players everywhere one asinine letter at a time (insert we are the world theme song).

Next week we are off to Canada. Serena has informed me her ever so nice Canadian friend got us tickets to a second Toronto game! As if that’s not exciting enough these seats are infinitely better then ours rumor has it that they are field level. Score! This gives Serena not one but two chances to try and meet her taco bell soul mate Justin Verlander. Said friend is also taking us to Real Sports aka the bar with the huge TV. Our imaginary balls are tingling with excitement. I think this might be heaven. With all our sins we are allowed into the pearly gates as shown here.

Also on our agenda we plan on having a classy ass dinner where the TBB will get all dolled up to eat at the top of the CN tower. Afterwards we plan on going drinking and possible dancing. What is not on the schedule is to be roofied. I will try very hard not to get roofied and I will try not to roofie my friend as I’m in the process of getting roofied. If anybody knows of some sites that are a must to see while we are visiting please email us “ey”.

Baseball notes
Things are not going well for my Mets. They have lost the last 8 out of 9 games and now Johan Santana has been put on the DL for a right ankle sprain. It is said that he will take more then the minimum 15 days to recover and we are looking at him starting again for the Aug 7^TH-12^th homestand. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Thanks for making the beginning of the season entertaining boys. I already know how the season is going to end.

Serena’s future husband Justin Morneau is on paternity leave. Yup that’s right paternity leave. He is attending the birth of his second child. I don’t think Serena and I even knew he had a fist child. God this is so awkward now. Morneau has a maximum of three days to be away from the team.

The Atlanta Braves staged a stunning comeback on Friday. They entered the 6^th inning down 9-0 and by the end of the eighth they cut their loss to only being down by one run. The Braves went on to lead it in the 9^th but a rare blown save by Craig Kimbrel postponed the win to the 11^th inning when they won 11-10. Cue in LL Cool J “Don’t call it a comeback” That being said I am making the Braves the TBB super hero of the week for such a great comeback.

American Airlines is the A-hole of the week. Why you ask? Because the morons lost my luggage on April 25^th on my way to Punta Cana. It is now July 22nd and they have yet to compensate me for a dime. Good luck trying to complain because you can’t talk to supervisor ever and talking to customer service is like dealing with a politician answering a question.

Well it’s been real kids. Remember next week we will be out of the country so in the words of the soup nazi on Seinfeld- “NO BLOG FOR YOU! “

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day 2011

Last week, you kids were on your own to deal with Serena. For that, Lisa apologizes, but we’re pretty sure she didn’t insult THAT many people. Since us blogging separately is a very rare occasion, we asked your thoughts on it. Of the 6 people who voted, 4 of you think that we’re “the dynamic duo, but I’m willing and able to take you solo as well.” 2 of you tactfully chose, “I feel like dealing with you separately makes your personalities more tolerable.” Why we can kind of understand where you’re coming from, it still hurts to hear you say that. No one chose, “I don’t handle change well. Please stop changing the criteria of this blog. Either blog together or not at all.”

Without further ado, welcome to our 3rd Annual Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! Sound the trumpets! We’re blogging pretty early today considering we were out late partying with Timmy for Lisa’s birthday. Then we cuddled in Serena’s Egyptian cotton comforter and watched Zombieland before passing out.

Today was an excellent year. Ours and Timmy’s relationship has really blossomed into a beautiful and exotic flower. In October, Timmy traveled abroad with us. Upon arriving in France, he was strip searched, which completely flabbergasted us! Don’t the French know who Tim Lincecum is?!! Regardless, we can’t wait for him to join us in Greece to celebrate Serena and Maria’s 30th birthdays.

Timmy rocked out with his bad self during our 80’s Rock Party. We’re not sure why he chose to wear lime green fishnet stockings, but what’s important is that he fully embraced the party’s theme. He ended up getting really drunk on Uncle Pat’s mysterious grain alcohol concoction, sang Bon Jovi’s “Runaway,” and passed out in the middle of Serena’s living room surrounded by chips. The following morning wasn’t pretty…for any of us.

He was nice enough to spend the night with us in the city for Serena’s birthday. Even though it was supposed to be a girls’ weekend, Jess and Maria tolerated Timmy. After all, he paid for our meal at Ninja New York. Afterwards, while sitting around in our pj’s in our room at the grand Waldorf Astoria, he let us braid and crimp his luscious locks.

He even joined us at the Coors Brewery during our trip to Denver! Since it was in the middle of the season, he couldn’t stay long, but it was nice to have his company even for a short while.

As is tradition with Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day, we have some fun facts about everyone’s favorite Freak! Did you know…
that Timmy played football and basketball in high school (which we find amazing since he’s like 2 feet tall and weighs 5 lbs.)?
he has a bulldog named Cy?
that he polishes his spikes before every game?
that his parents split up in 2002? This is why Serena and Timmy are “like peas and carrots” because they’re both babies of divorce.
that if he could spend one day with a famous person, it would be Sandy Koufax?
that according to an article published in March of 2011, he drives a silver Mercedes? Oh, that Timmy. So high class. It’s definitely a smooth ride. We know this because he was our designated driver last night.
that he and his brother have the same tattoo? It means “man” in Japanese. This is perfect considering how often we rant about men who are not men.
that his favorite ice cream off of the ice cream truck is the Choco Taco? His second is the rocket pop (which happens to be Serena’s favorite).
that on June 6th, he recorded his 1,000th career strikeout against the Washington Nationals’ Jerry Hairston Jr.? This accomplishment comes during his 5th year in the Majors, making him only the 8th pitcher in history to do this.
that he uses MGMT’s song, “Electric Feel” and The Doors’ song, “Light My Fire” as his walk-up music during every game?
that he is part Filipino?
that since he was born on June 15th, he’s a Gemini? This makes him compatible with Lisa as a Leo, but very incompatible with Serena as a Pisces.

“Come on, Timmy, light our fire. Try to set the night on fire.”

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day 2010

In celebration of Shark Week, we asked if you wanted a customized, specially made drawing by Serena of a shark. We’re talking a once in a lifetime opportunity here. We’re disappointed to report that one of you claimed that the poll sucked like our blog. Well, guess what, pal? You’re a giant, hairy a-hole and Serena didn’t want to draw a shark for you anyway. At best, you deserve a sea urchin, but even that’s stretching it. 3 of you seemed excited about the amazing gifts she’s already displayed with Clip Art and would love a rare piece of Shark Week artwork. Congratulations to you lucky three. Please send us an email with your contact information and Serena will draw you a shark. If you have a favorite species, please include that as well or else you’re going to get a Great White. 1 individual would prefer to receive a drawing of Lisa’s brontosaurus, Bruno, so guess what? Send us an email with your contact information as well and Lisa will oblige you with a Bruno masterpiece. Finally, 1 person was skeptical and replied, “maybe, what kind of shark are we talking about here?” Well, Mr. or Mrs. The Glass is Half Empty, if you had voted yes, you would’ve gotten to specify what shark you’d get. Now you get nothing. So doom on you.

Oh and another thing to the hairy a-hole who said that our poll and blog sucked. It’s Lisa’s birthday today and you made her cry. You should be ashamed of yourself. Making a girl cry like that…especially on her birthday. You belong in the center circle of hell with Lucifer. Happy Birthday, Lisa. Don’t pay any attention to that jerk. He has no friends. Furthermore, AJ Burnett did not send Lisa flowers. He’s taking this break up a little too seriously. Winkie’s mad at him.

You may have noticed that our sidebar is now completely dominated by little buttons that say, “This blog has been nominated for…” Yes, you’re reading that correctly. We’ve been nominated. For the Blogger’s Choice Awards. Exciting ones at that. Best Sports Blog, Best Travel Blog, Best Humor Blog, and Best Blog of All Time. We’d love for you to vote for us in one, several, or all of these categories. Rationally speaking, we’re well aware that we’re not winning Best Blog of All Time, therefore if you’d like to focus all of your energy on one particular category, we’d recommend Sports or Travel. To be honest, we probably don’t have a shot at Humor either. You can vote by either clicking on the hyperlinks or the little buttons on the sidebar. The website will prompt you to set up an account, but it only takes two seconds.

On Monday night, we attended Sean Kimerling’s 7th Annual Celebrity Golf Tournament & Dinner at the Muttontown Country Club, where we swooned over Ron Darling and ate the best red velvet cake in the history of mankind. We also met Sean Kimerling’s family, including his father, Noah Kimerling, who is adorable and kind. Rosemary Ally was so sweet to invite us to the event and we cannot begin to convey how appreciative we are to her for her kindness and guidance throughout Fred K’s journey. We didn’t take too many pictures (because it would’ve been tacky), but we’ll definitely post them to the TBB Facebook page and Fred K’s Cancer blog at our earliest opportunity.

Before we get into the most magical time of the year (ahem, Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day), we’ve got exciting news for you. Tomorrow, we’ll be attending the Mets/Phillies game at Citi Field. It’s Irish Heritage Night, which means we’re receiving awesome green Mets hats, but that’s not even the most exciting part of the evening. The most exciting part isn’t even the fact that Lisa might be getting a birthday message on the jumbotron. You might be asking yourself what could possibly be more exciting than those two things. Well, we’ll tell you. Not only will the TBB be tailgating for the first time in history (together) and not only will we take the pictures that you so enjoy viewing, but (insert drum roll) we’re also going to video this time around. That’s right, folks. You will have the chance to witness the TBB in live action. Alan, Brownie Maker’s husband, was charitable enough (and apparently trusting enough) to loan us his Flip Video Camera! Hooray for Alan. We dub him the Official TBB Key Grip. We’ll be “interviewing” sporadic Mets and Phillies fans during their tailgating festivities. Afterwards, if there’s still battery life in the camera, we’ll even try to film some of our asinine behavior during the game.

Now…for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The Second Annual Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day! Our relationship with Tim has really blossomed since last year’s festival. In April, Tim accompanied us to see the magnificent Broadway show, Rock of Ages. Tim had the best time. He sang along with such classics as “Don’t Stop Believin’,” “To Be With You,” “Here I Go Again,” and “Oh, Sherrie.”

In May, Tim took time off from his busy baseball-playing schedule to come to our Cinco de Mayo party. As you can see in the picture, he really loved Serena’s jello shots. Lisa is also a humongous fan of them. You’ll often find her at the end of the night, dozing in a pile of empty plastic cups that once held booze-infused jello.

A lot of people don’t know this about him, but Tim can really bust a move. On the way home from 10 Cent Wing Night (Tim pounded a whole bucket, by the way) at Hooters, “Too Legit To Quit” came on the radio and we jumped on it. He often talks about that song being “his jam.”

To congratulate us on Fred K’s Cancer’s success, Tim took us on a night on the town. Don’t you think we look spiffy?

On Sunday, Serena’s high school friend, Meryl got married. Serena was a little stressed about being the only single bridesmaid in the bridal party, so Tim (who’s such a gentleman) decided to be her date. He was a big hit among the bridal party, although no one really knew who he was. It was probably his slick dance moves that won their approval. He even bought Serena an awesome light up broach to pin to her dress. Unfortunately, since she had to match the other bridesmaids, Serena couldn’t wear it, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t appreciate the gesture. It was lovely.

Last night, we went to a sports bar for Lisa’s birthday. Tim had the wait staff supply an amazing chocolate cake with birthday candles. Serena almost ruined the surprise, which is why Tim is looking away and laughing. Oh, that Tim.

It’s time for our traditional Fun Facts about Tim Section. Did you know…
…that he loves the Beatles?
…that his middle name is Leroy? Just like Erin’s rooster statue.
…that he has a talent for memorizing song lyrics, which is why his teammates call him “The Human Jukebox?” That’s why he’s a “Jukebox Hero. Got stars in his eyes…”
…that his favorite television show is The Family Guy?
…that in his Major League debut against the Phillies on May 6, 2007, he struck out the side?
…that according to two different websites, his favorite food is either fried bologna or cinnamon rolls?
…that his favorite color is green (just like Serena)?
…that he’s 11-6 on the season so far with a 3.41 ERA, 163 strikeouts, and 59 walks?

Baseball Notes: In Sunday night’s game against the Red Sox, Derek Jeter hit his 2,874th career hit, an RBI single off of Josh Beckett, and passing Babe Ruth on the Yankees All Time Hits list.

The Braves announced yesterday that Chipper Jones’ season is done. He tore his anterior cruciate ligament (better known as his ACL) going after a routine ground ball and will need surgery to repair the damage. The estimated time to recover following a surgery of this type is 6 months, which puts Jones in the position of being ready for Opening Day 2011. However, he’s already made statements implicating that this might be his last season. Did Chipper Jones play his last MLB game ever and it was only seen by the local networks? How depressing!

Since Tim’s such a big Beatles fan, we leave you with, “Love, love Timmy do. You know we love you. We’ll always be true. So please, please, please, please, love Timmy too.”

Low Self-Esteem & the TBB

We will start today’s blog off with our results from last week’s poll. Of the 8 total votes, 3 agreed with us that Fenway needs to refurbish their seats because the world will get splinters in their bootays from sitting in the current seats. 2 folks had the sense of humor to say that perhaps we should consider these rundown seats as one of the many fond memories that Fenway has bestowed upon us. 1 person felt that we live in a bed of lies. We suspect that this person is the same irate and overall unhappy individual who sat behind us at the game and wanted to shank Lisa. The only thing we can’t figure out is how he found our site to begin with. Our other option is that it’s Dustin Pedroia because he hates us…and is balding in case you haven’t noticed. Finally, 2 people think that the Red Sox should just join the band wagon and build a new stadium. This may be a bit extreme.

Onto today’s topic: our ever lowering self-esteem, which may not sound like it has much to do with baseball, but it does. The MLB consistently contributes to our poor self image. Granted, it doesn’t help that our self esteem isn’t the best to begin with, but still...they don’t need to add to the problem. Since we’ve visited our final stadium of the year, let’s briefly recap how low we’ve actually sunk during this season alone.

1. We’ve been rained on during 3 of the 5 games we’ve attended. The Yankees game had originally been scheduled for April and needed to be postponed due to rain only to delayed for 3 hours due to rain again! How wet do we have to look in all of our pictures?
2. Alyssa Milano not only published a book and has become the female voice of baseball fans, but also has launched a heinous clothing line and opened a boutique at Citi Field. Serena’s been trying to get published since she graduated and has had to settle for writing about IT in company newsletters. It is worthy to note that Serena majored in writing whereas Alyssa Milano is a washed up TV actress.
3. No radio show
4. No TV show, thereby extinguishing our dreams of becoming Canadian super stars (don’t ask why Canada). It should be pointed out that Lisa actually submitted her passport application just in case something like this should occur.
5. Lisa actually turned down an opportunity to appear on the jumbotron at US Cellular Field because her self image is so poor that she thought White Sox fans would boo her simply because she’s alive. This also brings to mind that in the many visits to our New York stadiums (and countless Islanders’ games), we’ve never once made it to the big screen. Are we that frightening to look at? Disco Stu makes it on the Yankees jumbotron every single game and he looks ridiculous!
6. We entered our photo with Billy Cub (who’s not even a real mascot mind you) in his online contest and not only clearly lost, but did not even receive the complimentary Billy Cub t-shirts for entering! Is it because we’re not from Chicago? Cos’ that’s prejudiced! We even signed his petition to make him the Cubs’ legitimate mascot!
7. We’ve been booted out of our usual blogging location with guaranteed internet to brave the elements and fickle wifi networks.
8. The One Who Shall Not Be Named continues to spite us and we feel that he has begun blacklisting us…at least among the Giants’ pitching rotation and Daniel Murphy, which is just uncalled for.
9. BFFer (if we can even call him that anymore) failed to notify us not only about Root Beer Float Day and $1 hot dogs, but of pink pashmina day (more to come on this later in our baseball notes)! What kind of BFFer does that? He’s really becoming a NTAC.
10. We actually had to pay Wally the Green Monster to pose for pictures with us. Yes, it was a wonderful birthday gift for Maria, but we could’ve used that money to put her on the jumbotron and get her wasted!
11. Our polls have topped out at 10 votes despite working on this blog since February. In addition to this, other than our friends and family who feel obligated to read our blog, we’ve only acquired three legitimate fans, all of which seem to live in California. Depressing. Our own New Yorkers don’t even like us. We’re only liked in California and that’s probably because they don’t really know us.
12. Finally, the proof of all proof. The more vacations we go on, the uglier our photographs seem to get. We are frightened by what our pictures during our final stadium visit may look like. We’ve reached our pinnacle during our Vegas pictures and what’s sad about that is that it was our first vacation together and baseball wasn’t even involved! Surely, we can’t get any worse than our Fenway Park photos. Can we? Quasimodo’s got nothing on us!

Enough woe is me rubbish. Today’s baseball notes! On Wednesday night, Derek Jeter tied Lou Gehrig for franchise all time hits leader with 2,721. Serena was in attendance that night with Tech Support Sean and posted pictures last night. Be sure to check that out. As of Thursday morning, “Tiny” Tim Lincecum has shown improvement since missing his start against the Padres Tuesday night because of back spasms. It’s undecided whether or not he’ll make his next scheduled start. Contrary to popular belief (ahem, CM), Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day is not a jinx. Finally, we may be a little late in reporting this, but we’ve only just found out about it. On Monday, August 31st, the Oakland A’s celebrated breast cancer awareness (kudos to them!) by handing out A’s pink pashminas to the first 10,000 fans in attendance. Um, where was BFFer on this one? It seems he’s dropped the ball yet again. Who wouldn’t want a pink pashmina, particularly with the crisp autumn air arriving soon? We would’ve looked awesome in matching A’s pashminas as frolicked in the corn maize and pumpkin patch in October!

Carly Simon truly conveyed our sentiments when she sang, “we’re not vain, we definitely think this song’s not about us…”

Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day!

Welcome to Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day. What’s that you say? You didn’t know it was Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day? You did not see it marked on your calendar? Oh, well you better mark it down yourself then because from this point forward, August 14th shall forever be known as Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day.

Our budding friendship began last year in San Francisco, but we first made eyes at him at Shea Stadium the season before. He didn't know it then, but we would soon become the bestest friends in the whole wide world when we traveled to the west coast. Please, don't confuse this whole situation with BFFer Zrad Biegler. He is a separate entitity entirely. From what we understand from a whole night of drinking with Tim at Delaney's, the Bay Area teams like to rumble. For example, Tim claims that he'd never go bowling with Zrad simply because of Zrad's uniform. Playing in the Bay Area is tougher than New York!

While in San Francisco, Tim showed us around town. Some of the many places he showed us was Pier 39 to see the seals, we ate dinner at cute little Thai place on Lombard Street, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Baker Beach. Since he was our tour guide, we offered to drive in our rental convertible. This greatly excited him because he owns a Chevy Nova.
In addition to a tour of the city, he took us to the San Francisco Zoo.
Because we’re such excellent friends with him and we have such an awesome good time when we hang out, we’ve decided to retire his number and make Tim an honorary Traveling Baseball Babe. When we told him the news, he was thrilled. One might have thought that he'd be scared, but he wasn't. After all, our blog is all in good fun, right?
In celebration of Tim Lincecum Appreciation day, we’re listing some fun facts about the newest addition to the Traveling Baseball Babes. Did you know…
that while he throws right handed, he bats left?
he was born in 1984, making him the youngest TBB? However, his facial age appears to be 10
he is the current reigning NL Cy Young Award Winner?
his nicknames are “Seabiscuit,” “The Franchise,” and “The Freak?” We like to call him Tim or Tiny Tim, but you can’t call him that. That’s our pet name for him.
that he is 5’11’’ and weighs 172 lbs.? This fun fact was especially shocking to Serena, who was convinced that they both weighed the same. At least he’s not lighter than her…
that in his pitching repertoire is a two-seam fastball that clocks in the mid-90’s consistently, a change up, a curve ball, and a slider?
that his adorable, charming face graces the cover of the video game MLB 2K9?
as of 8/11, he already has 205 strike outs recorded in 172.1 innings pitched, an ERA of 2.19, a WHIP of 1.02, and a win-loss record of 12-3?
as of 8/11, for his career, his strike out total is 620 in 545.2 innings pitched, an ERA of 2.85, a WHIP of 1.15, and a win-loss record of 37-13?

Before we continue with the rest of the blog, it's time to annouce that yesterday was one of your TBB's birthdays...Lisa! Happy Birthday to Lisa! Tomorrow, we will celebrate by partying hard, attending a Mets game, and attempting to meet Barry Zito, Tim Lincecum, Daniel Murphy, and....MR. MET. It's a full itinerary. We've given up on David Wright. If he wants us, he should come find us. We will be the ones in field level wearing party hats.
Today’s Baseball Notes: Over this past weekend, the Yankees actually swept the Red Sox. Many people are excited by this, however Serena is not as jubiliant. Why? Because the Red Sox still have a better win-loss record this season with 8-4. Aaron Boone returns to baseball less than 5 months after open heart surgery. On Monday night, he played for Corpus Christi Hooks (an double A affiliate with the Houston Astros). He played thirdbase and was hitless in two AB's before leaving the game. Pedro Martinez made his first start with the Phillies on Wednesday night, lasting 5 innings, giving up 7 hits, 3 runs, 1 walk, and striking out 5. The Phillies would go on to defeat the Cubs 12-5. Finally, the Red Sox have designated John Smoltz for assignment. On Wednesday, he informed the Sox that he had no interest in a relief role. By Sunday's deadline, he will either be traded or released. In Mets news, Johan Santana takes the mound tonight against Serena's boyfriend, Barry Zito. And by boyfriend, she means, the man she'd like to "cuddle" with. And you can interpret the word, "cuddle" as you see fit.

On to last week's poll results. We asked you if you wanted your favorite players to serve you root beer floats. Out of 11 total votes, 5 of you definitely wanted root beer floats. 2 of you, creepy individuals, would rather have a Keith Hernandez mustache than a root beer float. Perhaps you should check yourself into a psych ward. 1 pervert wanted root beer floats only if the players wore bikinis. Really? Who wants to see David Ortiz in a bikini. You makes us sick! Last but not least, 3 of you want us to serve you root beer floats in bikinis. Why thank you. We sincerely hope this is a genuine request and not some way to try to boost our self esteem.

"Let me tell you about our best friend, Tim Lincecum..."

Just an FYI: none of this is real gossip (with the exception of Lincecum's stats under "Fun Facts"). This is meant purely for laughs. Please do not report to The Enquirer. Furthermore, we have no idea if Zrad Biegler and Tim Lincecum really have beef.